And What of Kazuma Satou's Destiny?
by Supermix7
Summary: Discontinued. (But a rewrite called 'Kazuma's Bizzare adventure' has started)
1. The Beginning

Hi. Konosuba crossover.

Idk.

 _Italics_ = Thoughts/Emphasis

 **Bold** = Loud person speaking/Loudness/Emphasis

Underline = Mainly Emphasis

* * *

'Not all those who wander are lost... Except for this Guy. He's lost as shit. He has Hypothermia.'

* * *

Kazuma took a deep breath and shouted;

"Where the FUCK are we!?"

His mind wandered back to how it all began...

* * *

...

Gah~! Another torturous day of school is over~! What shall I do now?

I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Oi Kouhai, you want to hang out with us after school? Motohama and I are gonna be at my house, you wanna come?"

"Nah, I have some homework to do. Why don't you ask Issei-senpai?"

"I-Issei?" That traitor Issei!? Never!"

"Matsuda-senpai, you're being salty... Although I too, am quite salty about that..."

Seriously, how did Issei-senpai of all people get a girlfriend, a smoking hot beauty too!

Life is so unfair...

"Well, see you tomorrow Kazuma-kohai!"

"See ya!"

Readjusting my bag on my shoulder, I walk away from Matsuda and Motohama.

...

I lied about doing my Homework. In fact, I never do my homework. Hah, homework is for normies! Screw you, teachers!

I'll just hang around at the arcade tonight, again...

...Maybe I need a girlfriend as well...

With such not-so-optimistic thoughts in mind, I aimed my direction towards the mall which had the biggest arcade in town.

"Hi, would you like a flier?"

A strange looking woman handed out a weird pamphlet toward me.

On the pamphlet read 'I will grant you your wish~!'

How suspicious.

"Ah, s-sure."

But I took it anyway as this woman was the only person of the opposite gender who didn't treat me like garbage.

The girls of Kuoh Academy are rough...

Curse my weak will.

I sauntered my way to the arcade.

...

...

...

"What am I doing with my life?"

There's a problem with going to the arcade alone. You get uneasy when you see a group of friends or a couple hanging around.

You feel insecure about yourself.

And that insecurity leads you to have a slight existential crisis...

But as a veteran at having these types of feelings, I would not be affected by it in usual situations.

However...

Today was especially worse, for some reason, there were an unusually high amount of couples.

Damn normies... Stop laughing and explode already!

I feel uncomfortable.

Not being able to put up with the 'pressure', I strolled out the arcade.

Curse my weak will.

Sighing at my own patheticness, I made my way home.

...

It was then I would face a situation that would change my life forever...

...

HO-HO-HOLY SHIT!

"I-Issei-senpai!?"

I saw Issei being pierced with some sort of spear by a dark winged Angel.

Is that an, an Angel!? Why are its wings black? What's going on!?

The 'Angel' turned around to face me with a face full of shock.

It had noticed me.

And now was flying towards me, with a spear in hand.

SHIT!

I dropped my bad and began to run as fast as I could at the opposite direction of the 'Angel'. I felt adrenaline course through my body as I literally fled for my life.

But the 'Angel' had caught up.

I screamed.

"HELP!"

But no 'Hero' came, instead, I received a spear through my stomach. With a trembling head, I looked down to see the tip of the spear already piercing out my own body.

Th-This isn't real...

"It's a shame Human, you could've lived if only you hadn't seen me." The 'Angel' had said while pulling out her weapon from me.

I couldn't reply, as I saw the blood gushing out.

"Blame your luck I guess."

The 'Angel' disappeared.

I was always on the lucky side of things though...

My vision was blurred as my legs gave out. I crumpled to the floor and let my own blood stain the ground.

This...Is this how I die? A virgin too?... How nonsensical...

In the distance I saw Issei, stretching his hand toward me. As if trying to 'save' me even though he too, was in a pitiable state.

S-Senpai…

I smiled.

At the very least… I wish for you to be saved…

With my vision decreasing at an exponential rate, The last thing I saw was a bright red light appearing over Issei's body.

And then, I died.

Death was quite…. Peaceful…

This wasn't too bad…

...

...

"Awaken Mortal."

And then, I opened my eyes.

And then, I realised I was sitting on a chair.

And then, I realised, the beautiful blue-haired Goddess before me sitting on a throne of her own.

…

"Satou Kazuma." The Goddess spoke.

I looked at the Goddess in the eyes.

"You, have died."

I wasn't sure how to respond. How should've I responded? I was aware of my death. But I still had so many questions.

"Your untimely demise was due to the hands of a Fallen Angel."

A Fallen… Angel?

That only sprouted more questions.

"I… What?"

"I will answer your questions. What is it you want to know?"

That's… Oh right, Issei!

"What happened to Issei?"

"Ah, the other boy. He was just reincarnated into a Devil."

"A Devil?"

"Yes, before you ask any more questions. Allow me to explain. In the world you live in, all mythologies and legends exist."

My jaw dropped at the revelation of information.

"Yes, Gods, Devils, Fallen Angels, Angels, Dragons, Heroes, Youkai, Vampires, they all exist."

I could only blink.

"Oh yeah, by the way, you've met a lot of supernatural beings in your life. Even in your current school."

My blinking had stopped.

"I guess you weren't aware of it, haha lol~"

What? Also Hm? Is it me or is she getting more… casual?

The impression she gave 2 minutes earlier is different from now.

"You also died a virgin. How Tragic!"

Why do I want to slap her now?

The impression the Goddess gave 2 minutes earlier was completely gone.

"Anyways, Here are two options: Option 1- You go to Heaven, Option 2- You go to another world. Oh, and by the way, Heaven is really boring. It's lead by a boring Angel named Michael. I really advise you not to go there. Seriously, it's boring."

Hm? What about God, the Biblical one? Doesn't he lead Heaven?

"On the other hand, If you choose to go to another world, It would be amazing! As a bonus, you would be granted a one and only power. It could be a powerful unique ability. For example, a legendary weapon. Come on, it can be anything. You have the privilege to bring this one thing to the other world."

After hearing Goddess' explanation, I took the catalogue and started browsing it.

… On it was 'Unnatural Strength', 'Super Magic', 'Holy Sword Arondight', 'Demon Sword Murasame'… And all sorts of names. I got it, I could choose one item from here.

But… I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure if I wanted to abandon the world I grew up in.

I hesitated. Everything was happening too fast.

Is this all right…?

"Hey Goddess."

"Call me Aqua-sama, and yes what is it? I don't have much time you know- There are still any dead souls waiting in line!"

My eyebrows twitched.

"Aqua… Can I return back to my wor-"

"No, I can do it but it's against the law. Do you know how many Gods will be angry at me if I do that? Why do you want to return? It's not like anyone misses you."

This… This bitch.

"Tch."

"Hey don't 'Tch' me!"

"Tch!"

"Hey!"

I already hate this Goddess.

"…You said I could take one item to take with me to the other world right?"

"Oh! Are you-"

I chuckle,

"I'll take…"

I point my finger at the Goddess.

"…You."

"Okay, Please don't move away from the centre of the Magic Circ-"

Aqua suddenly stopped talking.

"Eh?"

And in the next moment-

"I understand. Well then, I will take over Aqua-sama's job from now on."

With a flash of white light, a winged woman appeared out of nowhere. … simply put, it was a woman that was the epitome of Beauty.

"… Eh?"

Under the feet of Aqua who squealed in surprise, as well as under my feet, a blue magic circle appeared.

Oh, what is this? Am I really going to another world?

"Wait, huh, what is happening? Eh, you can't be serious? No no, hold on, this is too weird! It is cheating to bring a goddess along! No count? This shouldn't count! Wait! Wait okay?" Aqua panicked with tears in her eyes; she was a mess

"Goodbye, Aqua-sama. Pleases leave the rest to me. We will send envoys to welcome you back right after the Demon Lord is defeated. Before you return, I will handle all your tasks."

"Wait! Wait! As a goddess, I possess healing powers, not combat abilities! It is impossible for me to defeat the Demon Lord!"

The silver-haired Goddess who appeared ignored Aqua, who collapsed on the floor crying, and smiled gently at me.

"Satou Kazuma san. You will be heading to another world now and become one of the candidate heroes to defeat the Demon Lord. You will receive a gift from the gods the moment you defeat the Demon Lord."

"… Gift?"

"That's right, a gift befitting a World Savior… You will be granted a wish, it can be anything you want."

"Oh. "

"Wait! Giving that cool speech is my job!"

Aqua wailed on the floor after the other Goddess took her job. And so, I pointed at Aqua and said;

"How does it feel to be companions with a man you look down on? Hey, you are the 'thing' chosen by me to be brought along. Since you are a goddess, use your godly powers to make my adventure a breeze!"

"NO~! Going to another world with a man like this, no way~!"

"Hero! May you be victorious among the many hero candidates, and become the one to defeat the Demon Lord… Well then, I bid you farewell!"

"NOOOOO! I won't accept this! I'll never go to the other world with this guy! HAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"A-A-Aqua Senpai! What are you-"

"HAAAAAAAHHHHHH~!"

And then a bright blue light surrounded Aqua and I

* * *

 _..._

 _Was it a dream? It was a dream. Definitely a dream. There was no way that was real. Still, it was a pretty strange dream… Ugh, let's just go to school..._

 _…_

 _.._

 _._

"You guys seriously don't remember about Yuuma-chan?"

"We have no idea. Just how many times do we have to repeat it? Issei we have no time for your fantasies…"

"Yeah Issei, just… Just let us grieve in peace."

Grieve? Why are Matsuda and Motoh- No, why does the whole school have some sort of depressed aura?

"Okay, whatever. By the way, where's Kazuma?"

Matsuda and Motohama looked at me with shocked eyes and grabbed my shoulders.

"Issei…"

"Didn't you hear?..."

"Hear what? H-Hey, I don't like the looks you're giving me."

"That…" Matsuda grimaced, "Kazuma died."

"….Huh?"

It wasn't…. a dream…?

"He was… According to the news, hit by a bus and… died…"

"The funeral is on tomorrow."

"I…"

Then… so… Kazuma wasn't killed? Is this all a coincidence? It really was a dream? No that's not right… It can't be…?

The day went by like normal. But for the Students and Teachers at Kuoh Academy, it was excruciatingly slow.

The next day Saturday rolled in, it was the day of Kazuma's Funeral.

The Funeral took place at the local Cemetery.

There were a few speeches, most of them which were presented by teachers. Issei didn't listen, he didn't want to listen. He couldn't accept it… The final speech was made by Murayama, a prime victim of the 'Perverted Quartet'. Like all the others, Issei didn't listen to her speech. But the last sentences she spoke hit him, hard.

"…Yes, I didn't like him. But even so! _Even so…_ I truly believe that _he didn't deserve to die_."

And so the Coffin was buried.

A few individuals remained after the ceremony. Motohama and Matsuda went home stating that they could no longer bear it anymore. Issei was about to follow suit when a hand stopped him.

He turned around to see who the hand belonged to.

"Kiba?"

Kiba Yuuto, The 'Prince' of Kuoh Academy and a member of the Occult Research Club.

"Kiba?" I inquired once again.

"Issei-kun, I need you to come with me."

"Huh?"

Huh? What does he want with me?... I don't care anymore…

"…Uh, sure."

"Splendid."

And so Issei followed Kiba all the way to the base of the ORC. The Old Schoolhouse.

"I have brought him in Buchou."

"Good work Yuuto."

Issei saw the whole of the ORC members in front of him. All of whom were popular in their school. Koneko the 'Mascot', Kiba the 'Prince', and Rias and Akeno the 'Two Great Ladies' of Kuoh Academy. Under normal circumstances, Issei may have been excited to meet with these people. But things weren't normal, Issei had lost one of his best friends after all.

"Good Afternoon, Um, what is it you want? It's Saturday you know?"

And on the day of Kazuma's funeral too…

"Okay, then I'll go straight to the point," Rias said. "The girl you went on a date with, she was a Fallen Angel."

"!"

"While being God's Angels, they held some impure ideas and fell from Heaven. While controlling humans, they attempt to destroy us Devils. Ever since Ancient times, they passed from Heaven to Earth to Hell. Aside from Fallen Angels, there are also Angels sent by God with the order to kill us. In other words, we are attacked by all sides."

"…Huh…"

"Do you understand our story so far?"

"I… How did you know about my dream?"

"That's because Issei, It was no dream."

Rias hands a photo of Issei and 'Amano Yuuma' together.

"This is…"

"She did exist. Of that, I am certain."

"...But Motohama and Matsuda didn't remember her."

"That's because she probably used Magic."

Magic?

"Since the Fallen Angel performed her task. She erased all evidence and memory of herself from those around you."

"Her…Task?"

"Yes, her task of killing you."

"…"

To determine whether or not there was something hidden within your body. Discovering this to be true, she pierced you with a spear of light."

 _"If you want to hold a grudge hold it against the God who put the Sacred Gear in your body"_

"…That's right, Yuuma-chan said something about say bear…" I uttered.

"Sacred Gear. It is a power unintentionally bestowed upon some humans. It is believed that many notable people throughout History had those powers." Akeno corrected.

Rias continued the explanation, "And sometimes, people have great powers great enough to thwart Angels and Devils.

"So I have a 'Sacred Gear' inside me…"

"That is correct." Rias assured

"So if… My dream was real, then does that mean Kazuma was, Kazuma was…"

"…Yes, he was killed by the same Fallen Angel that killed you."

"Did he also have a 'Sacred Gear'?"

Rias' face grimaced, as did the others.

"…Most likely not."

"Then why?"

"He was probably killed because he witnessed your incident."

"…That…That's the reason? J-Just because he looked at something he shouldn't of?"

Tears freely fell from his eyes.

"He was killed because of a **stupid** reason like that!?"

I couldn't control the rage building up inside him, I didn't want to anyway.

"Issei-senpai calm dow-"

"How could I!? One of my best friends was killed you know! I was… I was going to raise him to be a fine pervert like me… He really, really didn't deserve to die…"

"Issei-kun... Your hand."

"W-What the?"

On my left hand was a red gauntlet.

"It seems that you've awakened your 'Sacred Gear' Issei."

"My... This is my…"

What is this?

"Yes, and to awaken it just a day after you've been reincarnated. Hmmm, I expect a lot from you~."

"Reincarnated?"

"Oh I forgot. Issei, I was summoned by this."

Rias showed me a strange pamphlet which read: 'I will grant you your wish~!'

"And when I saw you, I reincarnated you into a Devil servant of I, Rias Gremory!"

At that point, every ORC member sprouted their bat-like Devil wings.

"The pamphlet, what does it do?"

"It does what it states. A Devil will get summoned to confide you about your wish."

"I didn't have one which means…!"

"Kazuma must've wanted you to live." Rias said with a warm smile.

"I… I…Uuuuuuu~" (AN: What sound do you make when you're crying?)

Rias and the others comforted me as I bawled my eyes out.

How pathetic of me...

* * *

 **-ELSEWHERE-**

Is this... What is this place?

"Hey Aqua, are we in the other world?" Kazuma tried not to let his excited tone show.

"…Yeah."

Aqua was trembling.

"Oh… Sweet."

Kazuma looked around and realised he was in some sort of Mountain Range.

Wow...This place...? Not a typical place to be spawned in but eh, it's a new world…. Whoa wazzat?

Kazuma, in the distance, saw a grand, gold, complex, tower structure that reached the clouds. He also saw a whole city around the said complex tower.

"Is that the Beginner's city? Aqua?"

Next to him, Aqua was curled into a ball and crying.

"Oi Aqu-"

Suddenly, seemingly from the heavens, a letter slowly descended towards the duo with a gold light accompanying it.

Kazuma, who was not curled up into a ball, extended his hand and took the letter. The gold aura around it slowly faded away.

"Hm?"

The letter read:

' _To Aqua, The Water Goddess,_

 _For breaking the universal law of life #2, We Kono Gods have decided to punish you, You are hereby forbidden to return to the Kono Realm unless you have fully repented for your actions. You also must be responsible for the Mortal you gave a second life to. We have halved your powers and we will give it back after you have repented for your actions._

 _Be thankful that the punishments were not severe._

 _-Council of the Kono Gods._ '

"…Oi Aqua, a letter."

While twitching, Kazuma handed the letter to Aqua.

 **A few minutes later**

"BWWAAAAAAAAHHHH~!

Aqua began to cry even more.

"Serves you right you useless Goddess!"

"I-It's Kazuma's fault WAAAAAAHHH~!"

"SHUT UP!" Kazuma screamed.

He took a deep breath and shouted;

"Where the FUCK are we!?"

His mind wandered back to how it all began…

* * *

 **Author's Notebook:**

 **Hi Ho! The Savage Fuck Kazuma in the DxD universe~! Awesome!**

 **Guess where Aqua and Kazuma are! (Which realm!)**

 **ALSO! The Kono Gods, as you may have already guessed are the Gods of the Konosuba universe. (Eris, Aqua). The Kono realm is where they reside.**


	2. The End

**AN: This fic is mainly centred on Kazuma, desu. Yee.**

Hi. Konosuba crossover.

Idk.

 _Italics_ = Thoughts/Emphasis

 **Bold** = Loud person speaking/Loudness/Emphasis

Underline = Mainly Emphasis

* * *

'Don't give up on your Dreams. Keep sleeping. You lazy Cu-.'

* * *

"...We… I think we're in the Norse Realm."

I looked at the miserable looking Goddess, with a confused expression. (Kazuma with that expression.)

"Don't you get it? We're in Asgard Dumbass."

I let the information sink into my mind.

Huh… So Mythologies really do exist… Then that must mean…

"I'm guessing that giant city is…"

"Asgard."

"Right."

I sighed.

At least, I know where I am… Wait how does that even help? What is my objective? What should I do now?

I sighed once more.

"Oi Aqua stop crying, let's just go to that 'city'."

"…"

"C'mon you stupid bi-"

As I was about to finish my curse, A Platoon of armoured, fierce looking, women with swords and shields surrounded Aqua and I. Their weapons raised.

"Wh-What the-"

The 'Leader' of the Platoon stepped forward and placed her sword an arms-width away from my face.

"You two state your business!"

I responded fast.

"I, What? Oh, We are lost."

"Do you take us for Fools? You two appeared here in a bright flash of light. There is absolutely no way you guys are simply _lost._ "

The sword inched closer to my neck.

I shivered.

"O-Oi Aqua, who are these people?" I whispered in a hushed tone.

"No talking!"

"Oh, these 'people' are Valkyries…!"

"I said no talking!"

The 'Leader' of the Valkyries (only) struck me in the face with the butt of her sword (and not Aqua). I fell to my knees.

"BU-FYKRGJH."

Wha-What is this treatment?

"I'll say it again, State your business!"

With a bleeding nose, I replied:

"I was- We were transported here! That's all I know!"

"Lies!"

She struck me again

"Oof!"

"Wait! He is telling the truth!"

The 'Leader' Valkyrie shifted her attention to Aqua. It seems that the useless Goddess' gloomy expression disappeared, now replaced with a face full of confidence.

"I, Aqua, The Goddess of Water. Testify that the trash next to me is telling the truth!"

I'm going to slap her!

The 'Leader' paused for a few seconds, then turned around and struck me. Again.

"Gah!"

Whah, Woh, Why?

"You two… You two are spies! Valkyries, tie them up!"

"Hey! Believe me!"

"Hang on a second! We're not-"

I was cut off with another strike to the face.

.

..

...

...

..

.

This, this isn't fair…

Currently, I was tied to a large, wooden stake, while Aqua had her hands tied behind her back. The rope dug into my wrists and ankles.

Where did they even get this stake? How is this possible?

After a walk that seemingly lasted forever. We arrived at the gate of the city I saw in the distance. I originally had thought of coming here, but not like this…

"Halt." It was one of the two guards who was standing by the gate. Both were male, buff and mean-looking. They also had gold armour. But that wasn't important. As I said, they were _mean-looking_.

"I have no time for you Arakure, We need to interrogate these… " The 'Leader' looked at me. Through her helmet which covered her face, I could sense the hostility, "…Spies."

What the hell did I do? I just got beat up by you!

"…Accepted."

It seems that the 'Leader' has a lot of power. Maybe.

'Arakure' looked at me with a face of pity.

Was it my imagination?

After the constant stares by the residents of the city, we (Aqua and I) were transported all the way to… a sole building.

Ha! More like a prison cellar... Although I've never seen one…

Inside the building, was a young woman with long, straight black hair with triangle glasses. She seemed to be working on some papers. And on the table she was working on, were the papers and a single, half white, half black, annoying looking bell…

"Oi Sena!" The 'Leader' spoke. "I captured 2 spies!"

And then the 'Leader' removed her helmet revealing short, blonde hair and an irritating cute face.

'Sena' turned paused her work and turned around to meet the gaze of the blondie.

"Seresdina… Are you absolutely sure those two over there are spies?"

"Y-Yes!"

"Okay then. Why is that boy over bruised and bloody?"

"I-I found him like that!"

I was about to retort with all my might when a 'Ring!' resounded through the air. It was put off by the annoying looking bell.

"Seresdina?"

"He tripped over!"

'Ring!'

"…"

"There was an accident and-"

'Ring!'

"..."

Sersdina Naruto-ran away leaving Aqua and I alone with 'Sena'.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Boy, what is your name?"

"K-Kazuma Satou."

"Take a seat."

"Uh yeah, sure."

I took the seat opposite of the serious looking woman.

"Umm, What do I?"

"You can stand outside."

"Wha-"

"Stand outside, if you go against what I say, I will not hesitate to call the Valkyries and tell them to kill you. If you try anything funny, I will not hesitate to call the Valkyries and tell them to kill you."

On the verge of tears, Aqua exited the building with heavy steps.

"Same thing applies to you, Kazuma Satou."

I shivered for the second time of the day.

"This bell I have right here, is a magical item that let us see through lies. Be careful."

"O..kay…"

"Let us begin. First off, where did you come from?"

"…I'm from Japan."

"What did you do there?"

"I was a first-year high school student."

"Who are you affiliated with?"

"I'm… not affiliated with anybody."

Sena checked the bell, expecting it to ring.

"Hmm… How did you get into this realm?"

Crap, how do I answer that?

"…I, was teleported here against my will."

"Continue on."

"By a God."

'Ring!'

"Correction. Goddess."

"Interesting. Do you know which Goddess?"

"She… was a breathtakingly annoying, irritating, infuriating Goddess. That, I know."

I'm not exactly lying…

"Hmm..."

The bell didn't ring, thank god...

"Final Question... Are you an enemy?"

Her eyes narrowed, the cold emotionless face of my interrogator made me want to cry in a corner.

"N-No."

The bell didn't ring.

"I see."

"T-That's it?"

"Yes. Truth be told, all I had to do was say the last question and get over it... Now. Please call in your companion. But please do not run away."

"She's not my companion."

'Ring!'

"…"

"…"

"I, I'll go get her."

And thus, was the end of my quick, rapid-fire interrogation.

I made my way to the exit. I pushed open the door and yelled:

"Oi Aqua, it's your turn to…"

I paused myself to see Aqua 'chatting' with a grey-haired elderly man. Although instead of 'chat' it was more of Aqua whining and moaning.

"And, And! It's really unfair!"

She noticed and pointed at me.

"This! This is the guy I was forced to be with!"

The old man chuckled and shifted his attention to me, his long beard swaying in the process. I then realized the eyepatch on his right eye.

"I take it that you are Kazuma Satou?"

"Err Yes," I point at Aqua, "I apologize if this nincompoop inconvenienced you in any way!"

I bowed 90 degrees, the Japanese ways are ingrained in my body.

"Ha Ha. What an interesting boy. To diss a Goddess without a second thought. And do not worry Aqua has not yet beset me in any way."

I sighed in relief.

"Oh thank Goodne-"

Did he just say Goddess?

"What is taking you so long!"

Sena burst out the building with an angry expression, of which turned into a one of horror.

"O-Odin-sama! What are you doing here!?"

Odin?

"I heard the news of possible spies and I came here." Odin smiled warmly, "But it was just 2 lost adventurers."

"I-I'm sorry for raising my voice!"

"You just did it now."

Sena covered her mouth with both hands.

"Haha, it was just a joke. If you keep being acting like that you'll never have a boyfriend."

She doesn't have a boyfriend?

"O-Odin-sama!"

"Also don't worry about these two, I'll take it from here."

"I-I understand."

Sena retreated back to the building with frightening speed.

After waving away at Sena, The King of Asgard turned around to look at us.

"So… You wanna come and look at my awesome throne?"

It wasn't like we had an option to begin with. As Odin forcibly teleported us away.

The feeling of being teleported was a refreshing one. I have only experienced it twice but it certainly wasn't bad. I opened my eyes to see that I was in some kind of Throne room. Wow. It was a Throne room.

Suddenly a voice called out from behind us.

"Odin-sama!"

We turned around to see a silver-haired, _beautiful_ , Valkyrie running toward us with an exasperated expression.

"Where have you been! Who are those two!"

Odin placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Ahh~ This is the _other_ husbandless, boyfriendless, woman. Don't you think they're similar?"

"O-Odin-sama!"

"See? They even react the same way."

"I!... Odin-sama, where were you?"

The Valkyrie regained her composure.

"Hm? I just picked these two up."

"Who are 'these' people?"

"Lost adventurers."

"Wha-"

"Ssshhh, it's okay Rossweisse, or do you not trust me? Is that what it is Rossweisse? You hurt me…" Clutching his heart, Odin feigned a pained expression.

"N-No it's not that I um, I'm sorry!"

Rossweisse bowed. I wondered if she was Japanese, ar the Japanese ways ingrained in her body?... As if.

"Hey boy."

"Uh, yes Odin-sama?"

"Please, just Odin would be fine."

"Uh… yes Odin…?"

I'm addressing a God without honorifics … This is... weird…. Wait, don't I call Aqua like that?... She's different...?

"It seems that one of my subordinates has mistreated you, Seresdina I'm guessing?"

"Um, yes."

"I'm sorry, Seresdina isn't the greatest at thinking through. She's a bit hot-blooded and always rushes things. Forgive her."

"S-Sure."

What am I to do, Deny a God?

"In turn, I will teach you my most valued, powerful Magic technique."

"Oh no, you don't have to- "

"It's quite alright," Odin smirked, "Besides, I have a feeling that you would do great things with this Magic."

"I… I probably don't even have Magic in me though."

The almighty God laughed

"Kazuma you see, humans are one of the weakest species in this world, alone. However, their strengths are in their sheer numbers, their will, and most of all their _potential_." He stopped his explanation.

"Hmm, let's do this somewhere else shall we?"

"Wait Odin-sama!" The cries of the silver-haired Valkyrie were not heard.

We teleported away. And in an instant, I opened my to see that we were in a grassy plain.

Grass everywhere, as far as the eye can see…

"Continuing on," I paid full attention to the God. "Human are very versatile, every human in the world has the ability to learn Magic. Obviously, some will be better than others. Genetics and luck can contribute to how proficient you are with Magic…. And I have a feeling that you are the latter."

"Luck? I'm not… Well, I guess I am lucky… kind of."

"Great, now are you ready to learn this Magic."

Although I had no idea what kind of Magic it was, I replied instantly:

"Yes!"

* * *

 **Silence...**

 **...**

 **...**

 **...**

"So who are you?"

After a great deal of time and awkwardness, Rossweisse asked a question.

"Well I'm glad you asked!" Aqua cheered, "I am Aqua, The Goddess of water!"

"Oh…"

The 'revelation' had no effect on Rosweisse, at all.

"Uh, I see, you are lost adventurers after all…"

"Hey! I am a Goddess!"

"… That's wonderful."

"S-Stop giving me that look of pity!"

"What do you mean?"

"Stoooppp~!"

"It's alright… I believe in you…"

"Hrnnnghhh! Fine, I'll prove it to you. Let us have… a drinking contest!"

"A drinking contest?"

"Yeah!" Aqua grinned evilly, "Gods don't get drunk."

 **35 minutes later**

"I feel, like I just feel so happy to be alive uh you know? And, and I just…"

"BWAAAHHH HA~! Dis Iz so very great!"

The setting was in Rossweisse's personal room. It started like how all drinking games start: 2 shot cups, a bottle and determined people. It had begun, shot after shot after shot. The pair were on their 11th swallow before they started going woozy, and on their 14th, they were completely wasted. Rossweisse started crying, in contrast to Aqua, who began laughing energetically.

"Hey Aqua, Do you get what I'm saying? I just feel lucky… Do you hate me? I just feel like you hate me ever since I gave you pity looks….uuu…"

"Hey Hey Heeeeyyy! Don't be like that! Cheer up! There's much more to the world than crying!"

Both were flushed and pathetic looking.

This continued for quite a while…

* * *

 **SOMETIME LATER**

Kazuma Satou woke up in an unfamiliar setting. For one, He was sleeping on a bed and not a _futon_ , For two, he did not recognize the room he's in, and for three, Aqua was sleeping peacefully beside him.

She actually looks pretty when she's not talking… Hm? What's this?

Kazuma realized that in his hand were strands of fine, silver hair.

He traced the hair all the way back to the head.

It was the Valkyrie whom Odin and Kazuma ditched, Rossweisse. (AN: No, it's not Odin who was sleeping with him if that was what you thought.)

Kazuma's heart nearly stopped.

WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WOAH! THIS IS TOO STIMULATING FOR A VIRGIN LIKE MEE!

Kazuma clutched his temples and shook his own head vigorously.

Calm down Kazuma you stupid virgin. Think logically. Yeah, that's it. First get out of the bed. Now.

Kazuma obeyed his mind and got out of the bed. Gently and softly, he pulled the duvet off him and slipped out of the bed as quietly as he could. He sneaked his way to the door and exited. He blew a sigh of relief when he took notice of the disappointed God standing next to him.

"I put you in bed with Rossweisse after you passed out from Magic exhaustion Kazuma. I expected great things from you. But I guess you're a virgin after all…"

Kazuma blushed fiercely as he retorted, "H-Hey! I did nothing because it would be rude to-to do stuff to people when they're asleep!"

Odin sighed. "This is why you're a virgin."

"Shut up."

"I hoped Rossweisse would finally get a boyfriend too…"

"Shut up!"

"Hahaha… So, your limit is 5 times huh? Not too bad for a human with no training."

"…Yeah, I guess."

Kazuma remembered his 'Magic training'. He could only perform the 'Technique' five times.

"Well you know, You've already learned the Magic technique so all you have to do is increase your Magic reserves."

"Uh-huh... Wait, that's it? That Kind-of-Over-Powered technique is that simple?"

"Well you see Kazuma, that technique actually relies on Luck."

"What."

"And I've actually taught other people the same technique too."

"Oh."

"But out of all the people I taught, you seem to have the highest amounts of innate luck."

"..."

"And Kazuma, I have this strange feeling that you would do great things with that magic."

Odin smiled warmly at Kazuma who in contrast, had a sceptical look on his face.

"Now, wake those two up. It's time for your breakfast."

And then, Odin disappeared from his sight.

* * *

"Hey Kazutrash, are you sure you didn't touch me when I was asleep?"

"I don't even have an _ounce_ of attraction towards you, Aqua."

"Hey! Are you calling me ugly!?"

"No, but your personality is toxic!"

"What did you say!"

"Um, don't fight you two…"

The Valkyrie fidgeted awkwardly as she led the two bickering dorks to the dining hall. In truth, she was also thinking about whether or not the boy did _something_ to her last night. The very thought embarrassed her to no end.

They arrived in the dining hall.

.

..

...

...

..

.

If people were to say that Kazuma's first breakfast in Asgard was not eventful… It would definitely be a lie.

2 minutes into the meal, Seresdina comes out of nowhere like John Cena and apologises to the Japanese boy, causing Kazuma to choke on his bread. He coughs out the half-chewed, soggy bread which directly lands on Sersdina's face. He then receives a swift uppercut and is sent up into the air. He lands on Aqua's soup which spilt all over her dress and on the floor. Angered, Aqua grabs Kazuma by the collar and shakes him.

Sersdina cocks back her fist ready to punch Kazuma again. But Rossweisse, trying to intervene, stands up from her seat only to slip and headbutt Kazuma on the chin. Kazuma is now knocked out cold but Seresdina still tries to punch him. However, she accidentally punches Aqua instead.

A moment later, Rossweisse, while rubbing her sore forehead gently, trips over the downed body of Aqua and lands on Kazuma, Breast into face. This caused the unconscious Kazuma to not be able to breathe.

Panicking, Seresdina attempted to push Rossweisse off Kazuma. Keyword 'Attempted'.

While she did successfully manage to push Rossweisse off, she slipped on Aqua's soup and fell on top of Kazuma, Breast into face.

Seresdina screams and kicks the unconscious Kazuma in the head and sends him flying like a soccer ball.

And thus was how Kazuma died of blunt force trauma.

The end.

 **ELSEWHERE**

"Auuu, Why did I trip?"

"A-Are you okay?"

"Ah, Thank you very much."

The Nun grasps his hand and allows herself to be pulled up. At that moment, the wind blows her veil away, revealing her silky blond hair.

How… cute.

Today, Issei Hyoudou met the Blond foreigner Nun, Asia Argento.

* * *

 **Author's Notebook:**

 **'** **Arakure' is the name of the Mohawk dude who always hangs around at the Guild in Konosuba by da way.**

 **'** **Seresdina' is also a character in Konosuba. She does not have a primary role and only shows up once in the series. I forgot how she looked so her hair is blond... Meh.**

 **Also, KAZUMA DED.**

 **BOI HE DED!**

 **CHECKING FOR SPELLING MISTAKES AND GRAMMMMMMAAAAARRRR! REEEEEEEE!**


	3. The Perverted Exorcist

Hi. Konosuba crossover.

Idk.

 _Italics_ = Thoughts/Emphasis

 **Bold** = Loud person speaking/Loudness/Emphasis

Underline = Mainly Emphasis

* * *

'Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.'

* * *

I woke up in a _very_ familiar place.

The same chair, the same realm but a different Goddess…

What happened?

All I could remember was getting knocked out cold from Rossweisse when I was headbutted in the chin.

"Kazum Satou."

This voice was…!

"Welcome to the afterlife."

It was the beautiful Goddess who replaced Aqua for her job.

"I am Eris, the Goddess who will lead you down a new path. Your life in this world has ended."

"What I died!? How?"

"Your untimely demise was due to… choking on bread."

Hm? I remember coughing that out though… She's not lying, is she? No, there's no way someone as beautiful would ever lie, ever.

"I… see. I died an embarrassing death. Ha… Ha…"

"Your second life was… short, Kazuma-san."

"It was, wasn't it? I arrive in some stupid realm called 'Asgard' and I go there with an even stupider companion, then I get beat up and interrogated by some brainless Valkyrie idiots… I haven't even made any remarkable achievements or anything. I think I… wanted to be an adventurer of some sort. Maybe I wanted to explore the world and discover the things I never knew… But now, now I just want to go back to Japan. A peaceful life seems fit for me…"

"…Kazuma Satou, I'm afraid to say that I cannot give you another chance in life. You are to proceed to Heaven where you will attain eternal rest and peace."

"Okay…"

Eris holds out her hand as a gold light emits from it.

"Be in harmony with the peace Heaven offers, Kazuma Sat-"

"Okay Now, Return Kazuma!"

"Huh?"

"How could you die so early? It's too soon for you to die!"

"Wh-What?!"

"Th-This voice, Aqua-senpai?"

"I can't return to the Kono realm if you die! I cast resurrection Magic on your body, so you can come back to this side!

"I… Really?"

"P-Please wait a moment! You've been reborn already so according to the laws of Life, you can't be revived again!"

"Oh um, Oi Aqua! She says that according to the laws of Heaven or whatever, I can't be revived again since I've been reborn before!"

"Huh? What! Which Goddess is spouting that nonsense? Hey you! Identify yourself!"

"Uhhh, She's a Goddes called 'Eris'."

"Eris! You mean that dumb Kouhai Goddess who tried to replace me!"

"She did replace you…"

"Shut up! Oi Eris! You can hear me right? Don't get too cocky you hear me!?"

Eris slightly trembled.

"I'll tell everyone that you pad your breasts!"

She pads her breasts?

"Waaaahhhh! K-Kazuma-san, please tell her to stop speaking!

"I'll also tell everyone that in your spare time that you-"

"GYAAAAAHHHH! Please! I'll deem this as an exception!"

"Uhh Aqua? She changed her mind, she says that it's okay."

"Tch, Cocky Eris. Kazuma! Hurry up and get over here!"

"Aqua-senpai is as unreasonable as ever…"

"Pads?"

A familiar Magic circle materialized under my feet. My eyes grew in realization.

"This never happens you know."

I silently gazed at the Goddess.

"Your name is Kazuma-san, correct?"

"Huh? Oh, uh, Yes."

She walked towards me with her hands in front of her thighs.

She stops right before me and winks.

"This is our little secret, okay?"

 _C-C-C-Cute!_

And before I knew it, I blushed.

"Um! Eris-sama, I promise I won't cause any more trouble! I'll live a peaceful life in Japan. I will never forget what you've done for me today!"

A light began to envelop my body and my view of the smiling Eris faded away…

* * *

"…zuma! Kazuma! Oi Garbage, wake up!"

Kazuma's eyes snapped open to see the arrogant face of a smug Aqua. Surprised, Kazuma jolted up and hit Aqua's face with his forehead. He saw to his immediate right was a familiar blond girl who had her head to the floor apologizing prolifically, and to his far left, he could see a panicking silver-haired dimwit running around in circles with her hands in the air.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorr-"

"WAAAAHHHHH! KAZUMA'S DEAD~!"

"Oi Kazuma! You did that on purpose didn't you!?"

"I… really returned."

All of a sudden, The blonde and silver-haired Valkyrie stopped what they were doing and stared at Kazuma with wide eyes.

"K-Kazuma Satou, I-I'm really sorry!" Sersdina with tears and snot dripping her face cried out her apology.

"Huh, what do you mean? I just died by choki-"

"K-Kazuma, you're alive!" Rossweisse froze on her spot and blurted out the words.

"Kazuma you really did that on purpose right?!"

Kazuma sighed. "Whatever. Oi Aqua, let go of me, let's go to Odin."

.

..

…

…

..

.

Odin still had his palm on his face, he heard Kazuma's explanation of what happened but he knew the truth. The truth of how he _actually_ died.

"Um, Odin-sama? Please stop facepalming. I'm embarrassed by my own death too…"

"I'm not… Haaaaaahhh~ (AN: *Sigh), Okay. Why did you want to meet me?"

"Can you send me back to Japan? My Hometown?"

"Is that… what you wish?"

"Yes, definitely." Kazuma bowed, "I'm sorry. I will probably never do 'great things' with the Magic you taught me…"

"That is acceptable I suppose. Do you want something from us? A sword, armour, gold, clothes, anything. Anything to repay what Seresdina has done to you."

"What?, Just because she punched me?... No, I don't want anything. I want to live a peaceful life…"

"I see…"

Odin prepared the Magic circle.

"Wow, this is going to be boring."

"Shut up Aqua."

The duo was about to be teleported but Kazuma saw the gloomy face of Odin.

"… Odin-sama."

"Yes, Kazuma?"

"Watch the fruits of my training! STEEEAAAALL!" (AN: Read it as: 'STIIIIIIIII-RRRUUUUU~!')

A few seconds later, Rossweisse looked down at herself in shock.

"…M… M-My panties!"

A bright, proud, grand smile appeared on Odin's face.

"Hahahaha! Oh Kazuma, thank you."

Odin activated the spell.

"Wait! My panti- Whoa!"

Rossweisse tripped and hit Odin with her head, causing Odin to lose his balance and fall. And less than a millisecond later, Aqua and Kazuma were gone.

Kazuma opened his eyes and-

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"WHERE ARE WE!?"

* * *

 **MEANWHILE**

"Never go close to the Church again."

"Huh?"

"To us Devil's, the Church is the enemy's territory. If we get closer to it, you will never know what will happen next. You will never know when an arrow of light will come piercing through you."

"R-Really? Then maybe that weird, creepy feeling I got when I was near the Church was…"

"I'm sure those were the Devil's instincts kicking in. Being close to someone of the Church is the same as fraternizing with the enemy, especially the exorcists. Because there are also exorcists who are able to use Sacred Gears."

Issei remained silent.

"If a Devil is exorcised by someone of the Church, they die for eternity. With nothing, feeling nothing, unable to do anything. ." Rias looks at Issei in the eye, "Do you understand the gravity of this?"

"I… No…"

"I'm sorry, I got a little too carried away, Anyway, be more careful from now on."

"Okay…"

 _Buchou is just concerned for my safety… Gah, I'm sorry Asia, It doesn't look like I'll be able to keep my promise…_

* * *

The two were in a building. They were in a hall of some sort and it seemed like it was midday.

"We're in… Europe, In the Vatican City…"

"What are we doing here!? I thought Odin-sama transported us to Japan!"

"Hmm, I think when he was hit by Rossweisse, he messed up the spell somehow and that's why we're here."

"Rossweisse!? If I meet her again, I'll give her a piece of my mi-"

Wait… Isn't this all my fault…?

While grasping onto the fresh white panties of Rossweisse, Kazuma sunk to the floor depressed.

"Humph, well at least we're in the Human world. I mean, it would be even more troublesome if we were teleported to the underwor-"

"INTRUDER ALERT INTRUDER ALERT!"

Aqua and Kazuma's heads perked up.

"TWO UNKNOWN TRESPASSER'S LOCATED IN THE WEST HALL. CAPTURE ON SIGHT!"

After, a siren went off.

"Oi Aqua, what's going on?!"

"How should I know!?"

"Damn, useless Godde-!"

Kazuma realized a group of people running towards them with their swords out.

"Get them!"

"Protect the Fragments!"

"Aqua! We're running!"

"Okay!"

The two began mad dashing away from their chasers.

.

..

…

And with more than half the security force gone, a Fallen Angel resumed their work.

…

..

.

By sheer luck, Kazuma and Aqua escaped safely from the building. By chance, they spotted a window that was wide open. They climbed out and ran for their lives. Of course, the pursuers never gave up and began climbing through one by one. Running through the unfamiliar streets, the duo never stopped running. Until they found a massive crowd. The Pope was delivering a speech. Aqua and Kazuma slipped into the crowd and hid from their pursuers. After the Speech was done. The crowd dispersed and the two walked away silently. Aqua and Kazuma were currently in a dark alleyway hidden from the public.

"Oh man, if that old guy wasn't speaking I think we would've been caught."

"Yeah…" Kazuma was too exhausted to give a proper reply. "By the way, who were those people?"

"Hmm, they had a slightly holy aura so… I think they're… exorcists? Yeah definitely, they were exorcists. Probably."

"Make up your damn mind Aqua, why were they even chasing us? What did we do wrong…Haaaaah~ What should we do now?"

"I don't know."

"God damn it."

"Shut up Kazutrash. This is all your fault."

"…My… fault…? My fault? **MY FAULT?! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MESSED UP MY TRANSPORTATION TO THE OTHER WORLD IDIOT! IF YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, I MIGHT'VE HAD A BETTER LIFE!** "

Kazuma pinched both of Aqua's cheeks and stretched them.

"Oooow! Kashuma! Shtahp! It huwts!"

"You, you stupid stupid stupid! This is all your-"

"Stop right there!"

Aqua and Kazuma's neck snapped towards the voice. The voice belonged to an armoured woman with light blue eyes and straight, long blonde hair, kept in a ponytail and had red hair clips secured on both sides of her bangs.

"My name is Lala- … Darkness! I will not let allow this to happen before me!"

"Shit! I think it's another exorcist, run!"

"Ah wait for me Kazuma!"

"Huh? O-Oi, stop right there!"

Darkness drew her sword and charged. Suddenly, Kazuma whipped around and brought his hand out.

"STEEEAAAAALLL"

"AHHhhh?...!"

In Kazuma's hands were black lace panties.

"DAMN I DON'T NEED… I'll keep it I guess."

"Wh-Wh-Whaa, H-How lewd! I bet you want to do more than that, you monster!"

"What? No! I wanted to get your swor-"

"And then you're going to-to strip everything off me and say, 'What's the matter? You caused me enough trouble. You can pay me back… With. Your. Body.' A-And then you're going to do this and that and-"

"H-Hold on! I-"

"And-And, publicly humiliate me and-"

"SHUT UP!"

Kazuma threw his prized possession (The Black lace) square at the perverted exorcist's face.

"A-Are you telling me to only wear these forever!? Kuh! You brute!"

"NO!"

"Kazuma... I knew you were trash but I didn't know you were that bad…"

"NOOOOOO~!"

* * *

They were all in a restaurant sitting by the window.

"I see, so your teleport went wrong and you ended up in the ExFrag compartment building and got chased."

"ExFrag compartment?...And well yes, correct."

"Yes, the ExFrag compartment. It is where they store the Excalibur Fragments, It's an ordinary looking building because no one would suspect that it would be kept there. Hiding in plain sight, right?"

"Are you sure that you should be telling us?"

Darkness gasped.

"I, No! Umm… F-Forget what I just said!"

Aqua and Kazuma stared blankly at the Exorcist.

"Uhh sure. Hey, do you know a way to Japan?"

"Japan?"

"Yeah, I originally wanted to go back to my hometown but the teleport went wrong so now we have no means of going back to Japan."

"Can't you just teleport again?"

"About that, we both can't use that Magic. Someone did it for us…."

Hm? Was it really my fault? Did Odin-sama trick me?... No way, there's no way that's true. He's not Aqua or anything… It's my fault isn't it?

SMACK

"Ow! What was that for you twat?"

"I don't know, your face looked annoying so I hit you."

"What kind of reason is that!?"

"Hahahaha!"

The sudden laughter of Darkness stopped the 'argument' between Aqua and Kazuma.

""?""

"Oh sorry sorry, seeing you guys bicker made me laugh. It seems fun… I wish I can have more friends too…"

""?""

"Ah, you see I was… a sheltered girl and I didn't have many friends. I went to a private academy for school but no one was interested in making friends, just education." Darkness sadly smiled.

Is she… giving us a backstory?

"I longed for friends, for companions. Maybe due to my father's reputation, no one came towards me. They were probably scared of accidentally hurting me... Well except for one person, but all the others were…"

"Then um, do you want to be my friend?"

"Huh?"

"Do you want to be my friend? I don't care about your father's position or reputation."

Because I don't even know him.

"I…"

"Oi Kazuma, what are you planning to do? Darkness, watch out for this man, remember what he's done to you. He's done it before on another victim."

Kazuma swore he just saw Darkness' eyes sparkle for a split second.

"I-I don't mind, Um. Can I be your friend?"

"Sure!" Kazuma gave a thumbs up.

Darkness smiled warmly.

"Hey be my friend too!" Aqua exclaimed.

"Haha, okay Aqua, If it's alright with me."

"You're already a thousand time better than the person next to me so of course!"

"Oi listen here you stupid bitch."

The two Douchenoggins resumed bickering with each other. Darkness didn't mind, because they were her friends.

Later, the three conversed normally, like real buddies.

* * *

 **CHURCH HIGHER-UPS**

"The Excalibur Fragments! They're missing!"

"What!"

"Nani!"

"What!"

"It must've been the two that our exorcists were pursuing! There's no other possibility."

"Uhh guys? There was a report that there was a Fallen Ange-"

"No other possibilities!"

"He's right!"

"Of course!"

"She's missing!"

A person barged into the meeting through the double doors.

"Lady Lalatina is missing!"

"What!"

"Nani!"

"What!"

"Find her!"

"It must be… Those two thieves! They kidnapped her _and_ stole the Excalibur fragments!"

* * *

Darkness had the time of her life. She made 2 new friends and they were interesting people! A self-proclaimed Goddess and a closet(?) pervert. Fun! But she knew her time together with them would end…

Unless…

"Hey, guys?"

"What is it Darkness? Have you finally realized the disgusting creature named Kazuma Satou?"

"Oi."

"You guys are going to Japan right?"

"Yeah?"

"…Can you take me with you?"

"Whoa calm down Darkness, are you sure? Won't your father be mad at you? Are you sure? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, why would you want to go with this guy? (Points at Kazuma)"

"Aqua, you are testing my patience."

"I am sure! I've lived in my father's shadow for 18 years, I don't want to live this way anymore! I'm a trained exorcist, so if you need protection I can-"

"Hold it," Kazuma spoke up, "Ask your father first."

"No way, he'll never let me go."

"Then persuade him. Think about your father's feelings! How would you feel if your most precious person suddenly disappeared? I'm not someone who is trashy enough to take someone's daughter."

"I… you're right. I didn't think about my father's feelings at all… I'll try to persuade him tonight… Thank you Kazuma, you're the first person to even scold me."

"Huh?"

"Remember what I said? Because of my father's reputation, everyone was scared of me if I was hurt in any way. That's why no one ever scolded me. Everyone except you…. _Scold me more next time *Pant, *Pant, *Pant._ "

"Oi Darkness?"

It's confirmed, she's a masochistic pervert…

"Guh, Goodbye Kazuma. I'll meet you here tomorrow in the morning."

And off Darkness went.

I wonder if it's a good idea to take her with me to Japan?... It's probably a bad idea… Oh well, she'll probably be shut down by her father.

* * *

 **LATER**

"Father, I have returned."

"Lalatina! There were claims that you were missing! Are you okay? Did something happen to you?"

"I was just talking with my two new friends father."

"Friends? That's wonderful! What are they like."

"They are… very colourful father. That's all I can say about them. But that's not what I want to talk about."

"What do you mean?"

"Father, I want to leave this place."

"Well, if I have time I could-"

"No, not with you. But with my friends."

Lalatina's father froze.

"What."

"Please! I'm tired of my life here. I feel like if I go with them, I would truly be happy."

"Lalatina dear… The answer is no."

"Then…" Lalatina inhaled and exhaled, "Then can I go under a condition?"

"A condition?"

"Yes, if I get to leave this place with my friends I will- "

* * *

 **LATER**

"Everything is to be blamed on those two thie-"

Suddenly the doors slammed open.

"Which idiot said my daughter was missing?"

"She is missing! She was kidnapped by two thieves who stole the Excalibur Fragments!"

"What?! Okay, first my Daughter was not kidnapped, and two, are you absolutely sure that those two 'thieves' stole the Fragments?"

"Yes!"

"No!"

The meeting room was quiet.

"What I mean is that there was a report of a Fallen Angel spotted there as well. I think the Fallen Angel has more of a possibility of stealing the Fragments. Since those two 'thieves' didn't carry anything that resembled a sword. I don't think they've done it."

"Oooohh~."

"What are you guys doing! Track the Fallen Angel~ Find any trace left behind!"

Lalatina's father sighed.

"Seriously, I give out a big speech, my own daughter says she's going to Japan and the Excalibur Fragments were stolen… What a day…"

* * *

 **THE NEXT MORNING**

"He said yes!"

"What seriously."

"Yes!"

"…Oh man…"

* * *

 **MEANWHILE**

"I wonder where Kazuma is?"

Said a lonely crimson-eyed girl on a swing.

"Maybe I should go visit his house…"

* * *

 **Author's Notebook:**

 **ENGRISH IS MAH CITY.**

 **Darkness/Lalatina is introduced! Don't worry a boooott it.**

 **Darkness is an Exorcist! Hooray!**

 **And Kazuma's going back to Japan to live his _peaceful_ life, Hooray!**

 **He's taking Aqua and Darkness with him, Hooray!**

 **Mistakes every...WWWWWHHHHHHHEREEEE**

 **Edit: Holy Ship! Mistakes everywhere!**


	4. The Crimson-eyed girl

**AN: In case some people were wondering, Kazuma Satou is a 100% hooman (Human). That's the appeal of as a character. As a human, he is weak as shit but he somehow pulls through in the end. Lel.**

* * *

Hi. Konosuba crossover.

Idk.

 _Italics_ = Thoughts/Emphasis

 **Bold** = Loud person speaking/Loudness/Emphasis

Underline = Mainly Emphasis

* * *

Sometimes I wish to be an octopus, not because I can slap 8 people at once, but because I can slap the same person 8 times in rapid succession.

* * *

He seems familiar…

I met her father.

Wearing a formal attire, Darkness' father was an old man with a short moustache and beard which was the same blonde colour that Darkness had. Genes I suppose. He also had a sort of _aura_ around him, I couldn't quite put my finger on it…

It's like I saw him yesterday…

"I'm assuming you are Kazuma Satou?"

"Ah, yes sir."

"You don't have to be so formal, a friend of my daughter is a friend to me."

I don't think it works like that…

"My name is Ignis For-"

"Father!"

Darkness put her hand on Ignis' mouth.

"Um, this man is my father. He will be the one funding our plane trip to Japan."

I bowed 90 degrees to the old man out of respect.

"Thank you sir Ignis! I thank you from the bottom of my heart!"

I saw that Aqua wasn't bowing, I grabbed/pushed her head to my level.

"Oi Aqua, say thank you!"

"What? I'm a Goddess, I've never bowed to anyone in my entire life! Hey, let go of me!"

"You! You ungrateful vermin!"

"Shut it you weapons-grade douchebag!"

"Dumb bimbo!"

"Perverted freak!"

"Perverted!? I'm not perverted you stupid baboon!"

"Shut up virgin!"

"You want to fight? Huh!?"

"Bring it on you pompous jackass!"

The two began fighting right in front of Darkness and her father. To them, it was an amusing spectacle.

"Is this what you mean by their ' _colourful_ ' personality?" Ignis laughed.

"Partially."

A few hours later, Kazuma and Aqua along with Darkness, went off to Japan.

* * *

A voice called out from behind her.

"Are you lost?"

"Huh? Me? My name is Megumin! I've never been lost in my life!"

Megumin, was in fact, lost. _Very lost_.

"Oh, well um. I've seen you walking around in circles so I kinda assumed you lost your way."

"I-It was all on purpose!"

"Well, I'm sorry that I wasted your time, goodbye."

"…W…Wait!"

The brown-haired teen turned around.

"Um! I'm looking for someone."

"Hm? Oh okay, who is it?"

"His name is Kazuma, Kazuma Satou."

The brown-haired teen's eyes grew. His mouth opening slightly before closing. He grimaced and answered.

"Kazuma… He just… died recently."

"…Huh? What, What are you talking about?" Megumin panicked.

"He was… One of my best friends…"

"Th-That's impossible! There's no way!"

"I'm… _I'm sorry,"_ Issei said in a voice so quiet Megumin couldn't hear, " _I'm sorry… It was because of me… because I wasn't strong enough…_ "

"What am I supposed to… How am I supposed to... How did, How did he die?"

With ragged breaths, the older teenager replied.

"He was… hit by a bus."

"…"

"My name is Issei Hyoudou, I was his senpai in school. Do you want to… go and visit his grave?"

And so the two trudged all the way to the cemetery.

* * *

"Achoo!"

"Hm? Kazuma, you've got a cold?"

"I don't think so… Maybe someone was thinking of me?"

"Ew, who would want to think of you?"

"Amazing! So these are Japan's trains!"

"…"

To Kazuma, trains were a normal part of his life. To Darkness, it was a fascinating machine vehicle thing.

"You've never ridden one?"

"I haven't even seen one!"

Like a giddy child, Darkness skipped happily into the train, ignoring all the weird stares coming her way.

"Oi Darkness, that's the wrong train."

"Wha-"

The train doors closed. The train moved. And Aqua and Kazuma screamed.

""DARKNESS!""

* * *

 **-Asgard-**

"I have returned father!"

A loud voice boomed throughout the air like lightning.

"Ah, Thor. You're back."

"I heard a rumour that there are 2 spies in my home. I came to perish them!"

Odin bopped Thor's head.

"Oww!"

Rubbing his head, Thor looked up at Odin.

"Silly child, if there really was a traitor or a spy among us. I would know straight away."

"Ah, as expected of father!"

"Don't even-"

"Hi brother!"

At Thor's call, Odin took notice of his other son, Loki.

"Hello to you, Thor."

"Hey! Call me big brother! I'll let you play with my hammer if you do!"

"Only you can wield the mighty Mjolnir, Thor."

"Oh yeah… Hey! Call me big brother!"

Loki shook off Thor and stared at Odin.

"Good day to you, _father_."

"Hey why do you call father, 'father' and not me as 'brother'!"

"Silence Thor."

"Say, Brother!"

"Ugh, whatever! _Brother!_ "

"Thanks!"

"Why have you come here Loki? Is it because of the stupid rumour of the spies?"

"Humph, there's no way the almighty Odin would allow that." Loki gazed at Thor, "Only an idiot would think there's a spy in Asgard."

"Yeah! An idiot!... Wait…"

"Instead, I came here to tell you some news."

"News?" Odin perked his head.

"Yes news. There are rumours that the Fallen Angels are trying to resume the Great War."

"What! Impossible, there's no way they'd risk that!"

"A war?... I haven't been in one for a while now…"

Ignoring Thor, Loki asked;

"What should we do?"

"I won't accept it. I'll stop it if I have to."

"Of course. A wise judgement from our wise King."

With a fake smile, Loki left.

 _I've confirmed it. That old bastard is seeking peace. What an idiot, I want to, No I_ _need_ _to kill him… But that time is not now..._

 _It needs to happen again,_ _ **Ragnarok!**_

* * *

 **-Japan-**

4 Hours it took. 4 Hours…

4 Hours to find the damn blonde, masochist, pervert exorcist.

After they found Darkness. Kazuma thought that this would be the only bad thing that would happen to him. How wrong he was.

They went through many hardships such as: Darkness taking the wrong train, getting scolded by train authorities because of Aqua accidentally tripping and falling onto train tracks (There no trains passing by, unfortunately.), accidentally knocking down an entire food stall on a station platform (courtesy of Aqua.), having no food, Kazuma being accused of sexual harassment, Darkness getting lost AGAIN, being stared at by surrounding people. Aqua accidentally purifying all the juice in a food stall- All sorts of hardships.

However, Kazuma never gave up.

He never gave up going home and reclaiming his peaceful life.

Although he is about to snap.

"We… I'm back… I'm… back…"

"What a splendid place! Kazuma, what is this place called?"

"…Kuoh… Kuoh Town."

"Amazing!"

"What a generic place," Aqua sneered at Kazuma, "Fit for a generic loser."

Kazuma's anger level was over 9000, his veins were popping. But the will-of-steel Kazuma wasn't about to break yet.

Maybe because he was too tired.

"Shut up Aqua. It's a decent town."

The sun was about to set as Kazuma gave out a mighty yawn.

"So… where are you guys going to stay?"

""…Huh?""

"As I said, Where are you guys going to-"

"KAZUMA! ARE YOU SERIOUS!"

"Th-This kind of abandonment play is not to my liking~!"

"Huh! You've got to be kidding me guys! I have a 1DK Apartment room for God's sake! I can't fit you two together!"

"Then you can sleep outside. Darkness and I can be the room."

"AAAQQQQUUAAA!"

Kazuma attempted to 'Batista Bomb' Aqua, but with his pathetic physical prowess, he failed miserably.

"What are you trying to do?"

"DAAAAMMNNN IITTT!"

"K-K-Kazuma! If you feel frustrated and angry, you could always lash out on m-"

"No."

"What a harsh rejection!"

"Kazuma is that… is that you?"

All eyes turned toward the trembling, crimson-eyed girl with rivers racing down her cheeks.

"Megumin?"

"Kazuma!"

The girl jump hugged Kazuma and cried into his shoulders.

"Waaahh!"

"Kazuma, do you know this girl?"

"Lolicon."

"Oh, yeah this is Megumin. I don't know why she's crying though."

Megumin looked up at Kazuma's face with tears in her eyes.

"Y-You're alive…!"

"What? Of course, I'm ali-"

And then it hit him… Kazuma surely did die on the day the Fallen Angel stabbed him. He shouldn't really be in this world.

"'course I'm… alive…"

"Haha Kazuma you sound so dead inside."

Kazuma glared at Aqua.

"He told me that you died, that you got hit by a bus."

"Hit by a bus!? Whaaaat?"

"You even have your own grave."

"What."

"I'm…I'm so glad."

"What did you just say?"

"I'm glad Kazuma."

"No before that."

"You have your own grave?"

"….OOHMMAGAAHHHHDD!"

Kazuma's voice bellowed throughout Kuoh.

* * *

Issei froze up.

 _I must be delusional, it's like I like I just heard Kazuma's voice… Maybe I need a therapist. Do Devil's even need therapists?_

Issei resumed walking back to the Old School Building.

* * *

Kazuma began hyperventilating.

"Kazuma calm down."

"Shut it Aqua! I have my own grave! **My own grave!** Ohhh~ This is so surreal!"

"Hahaha typical Kazuma, always overreacting."

"Megumin, I think it's okay to overreact!"

"But I'm glad that you're still alive." Megumin gave her warmest smile she could muster. In response, Kazuma blushed a little.

"Um, thank you."

"Lolicon."

"Shut up. Anyway, why did you come to Kuoh, Megumin?"

This time it was Megumin's turn to blush.

"Umm… it's because I lied to my friends and family that I…"

"Hm? I can't hear you."

Megumin was becoming redder by the second.

"I-I-It's because I told e-everyone that…"

"Speak louder please."

Megumin = Scarlet

"I! I told everyone that I have a boyfriend but I really don't so I wanted you to become my pretend boyfriend!"

Kazuma, Darkness and Aqua's expression darkened.

"""What."""

"It's embarrassing but please! Kazuma can you please do it for your childhood friend?"

"O-Oi don't pull the 'Childhood Friend' card on me! It won't work!"

"Why did you even pick Kazuma out of all guys?" Darkness asked, with question marks in her eyes. "He's a bit… He's not…You know why."

"Oi what is that supposed to mean Darkness."

"T-That's because…*mumble *mumble… Wait, who are you guys!?" Megumin pointed at Aqua and Darkness, "What are you?"

Darkness smiled and puffed out her chest.

"I haven't introduced myself, have I? You can call me Darkness, I'm 18 and a high calibre exorcist."

"Also a perverted masochist."

"Kazuma~!"

"My name's Aqua! The Goddess of Water! Be happy that you are able to talk to me!"

"Ignore her."

"Hey!"

Megumin's first impression of the two were not so good. She introduced herself nonetheless.

"Well, my name is Megumin. A proud Mage of the Crimson Demon Clan!"

"C-Crimson Demon Clan!?"

"Ohh so that's why you have such a weird name."

"Wait Megumin! You didn't tell me this!"

"Well it's an unspoken law to not let muggles know of the supernatural, besides, you wouldn't even believe me if I had told you. But you believe me now right?"

Kazuma didn't respond.

"T-The Crimson Demon Clan. You mean you're from the human Mage clan that can even rival Ultimate Class Devils! Kazuma how did you meet her!?"

"? What's an Ultimate Class Devil!?"

In which Aqua replied; "A really strong Devil."

"Wha-Whaaat?!"

Kazuma clutched his head and began to think.

"Then, Then does that mean Aunt Yuiyui is also?" (AN: Yuiyui is Megumin's mother)

"Yep, part of the Crimson Demon Clan."

"This is just too much for me…"

"Moreover, Kazuma! I learnt Explosion Magic!"

"What now?"

Darkness gasped and explained; "Explosion Magic is one of the most difficult but destructive Magic that only Ultimate class beings can use! Kazuma you're childhood friend is terrifying!"

"Yes! Fear me!" Megumin began laughing maniacally while waving her arms in the air.

"I wonder how much it would hurt if I get hit by it… *Pant *Pant *Pant"

"…"

"Sorry don't mind her."

"Uh yeah… Anyway, aren't you happy?"

"Happy? Why would I be happy?"

Megumin froze as she recalled a certain memory

...

* * *

...

Once upon a time, a 9-year-old Megumin asked the 11-year-old Kazuma; "Hey Kazuma, what do you like?" The two were in a night festival in Japan.

"Hm? Well, I like big Onee-sans with big boobs." For reasons unclear, Kazuma was a pervert at the age of 11.

"W-What?" 9-year-old Megumin panicked as she checked the size of her breasts- flat as a chess board. With tears threatening to spill, she asked again; "Umm, do you like anything else?

At the exact moment, numerous colourful fireworks exploded into the clear night sky. The two kids shifted their attention to the spectacle.

""Wooww.""

Kazuma and Megumin were awestruck by the beautiful colours of the fireworks. After a few moments of firework awesomeness, Kazuma spoke;

"I guess I like fireworks too."

Megumin took notice of Kazuma's words and began analysing/calculating.

-Inside Megumin's mind-

Launch Ready.

+Fireworks = Volatile discharged projectile

Volatile discharged projectile = Magical Girl times two?

Wrong.

Square root Volatile discharged projectile to the Power of Three = Bomb over two

Bomb = Explosion

Explosion

Explosion

Explosion…

Recalculating…

…

…

Explosion Magic.

 **Solution: Explosion Magic.**

Objective: Learn Explosion Magic. Earn affection.

Result: Happiness.

Finish

…

"Megumin, are you okay?" Concerned, the kid Kazuma asked.

"Ya, I'm okay!" With a toothy grin, kid Megumin replied.

9-year-old Megumin had a plan.

* * *

"You're not happy?"

"Well I mean, I don't even know how strong the 'explosion' spell is. How does it even work?"

Megumin's face was grim.

 _What have I been doing for the past 5 years!?_

"Arrgh! Megumin I'll be your 'pretend boyfriend' for now. But after this whole ordeal is over I'm going to live a peaceful life. I'm going to school, I swear that this will be the last thing separating me from desires!"

"I, um. Thank you…?"

"Oi Kazuma, how would you go to school if everyone thinks you're dead?"

"..."

After a moment of silence, Kazuma spoke.

"So! Let's go to your village. Come on!"

"Ah yeah, right."

Megumin slipped out a phone from her pocket and entered a call.

"Hi it's me Megumin…Yes…What no…Mom, I didn't get lost, Mom…Change the phone please…you'll get to speak with my boyfriend after okay? …Yes Mom I understand…Mom just send a person to teleport us!"

A moment later, a cloaked person arrived right before our eyes.

"Thanks mom!" Megumin closed her phone. "Hi Bukkororri!"

'Bukkororri' removed his hood and replied; "Hi Megumin! Oh! Is this your boyfriend? He seems familiar…Wait that's Kazuma!"

Bukkororri shook my hand. "Hey Satou, remember me?"

"Uhhh…"

"That's a shame, you were a little kid when you met me... Oh well, treat Megumin well okay?"

"Uhhh sure, yeah, yes."

Bukkororri walked up to Megumin and whispered in her ear; "Those two girls over there, it seems like you have competition."

Megumin blushed ferociously and exclaimed, "Just teleport us already!"

"Hahaha alright alright."

A Magic circle formed beneath us. Bukororri ushered a single word.

"Teleport."

And then, we were gone.

* * *

 **-Village of the Crimson Demon Clan-**

Kazuma had bad experiences with the Magic spell 'Teleport'... Well, not this time.

As he opened his eyes, he took notice of the room he was in. It was oddly familiar... It was... Megumin's house...

Then, the memories rushed back. The memories of playing with Megumin as a child, the memories of teasing another girl, the memories of eating Aunt Yuiyui's homemade meals that weren't really tasty. It all came back.

As Kazuma was reminiscing about his childhood, Darkness was trembling.

"A-Are we h-here?"

"Why yes, we are." Bukuororri replied.

"O-Oh..."

Kazuma broke out of his stupor.

"Hm? Darkness, what's wrong?"

"I-I'm in the village o-of the Crimson Demons. I'm in hell..."

"That's a bit rude."

"She doesn't mean that Kazuma," Aqua faced Kazuma, "She means that we're in the underworld."

"Huh?"

"The Crimson Demon Clan reside in the underworld. They are the only humans alive who do so."

"Wait that means... I was in the underworld when I was a kid!?"

"Yeah?" Aqua said.

"Isn't that bad?!"

"Well, not really." Bukororri answered, "No one would dare try and interfere with us, the Crimson Demons. You being in our village is an automatic immunity to basically anything."

"How... How strong are you guys?"

"Not to brag but we, the Crimson Demons, were a real game changer in the last Great War."

"Great War?"

"A History lesson for later."

From out of nowhere, a new voice called out.

"Welcome home Megumin~!"

"Hi Mom!"

Megumin and Yuiyui bear-hugged each other.

"So, who's your boyfriend hm?"

"It's Kazuma!"

Yuiyui peered over at Kazuma and giggled.

"Ohh~ That boy! Then I have nothing to worry about!" As she said that, she removed the enormous, concealed knife which was in her sleeve and placed it on a coffee table. "I wouldn't have had this with me if I knew it was him!"

Kazuma paled slightly.

"Long time no see Kazuma-kun!"

"Y-Yeah..."

Kazuma just stared blankly at the knife.

* * *

 **Author's Notebook:**

 **I'm well aware that it's the clan Megumin is in is actually called the 'Crimson Magic Clan'. Most of you might've not even realised it. They call themselves the 'Crimson Demons' but they are not the 'Crimson Demon Clan' as a whole. However, I think it sounds** ** _cooler_** **so who cares!?**

 **Yuiyui is Megumin's mother. She is not Kazuma's literal Aunt, he just calls her that. NO! MEGUMIN IS NOT KAZUMA'S COUSIN!**

 **Bukororri is a character in the Konosuba Spin-off Novel; _Konosubarashii Sekai ni Bakuen wo!_ (Gifting this Wonderful World with Explosions!). Probably, maybe.**

 **Grammar is a pain.**

 **What a is Grammar?**

 **Watt is speling?**

 **What is life?**


	5. The problems of Kazuma

**AN: By de wae, Yuiyui is a character in the Konosuba Light Novel. I didn't make her up! As for the father…**

Hi. Konosuba crossover.

Idk.

 _Italics_ = Thoughts/Emphasis

 **Bold** = Loud person speaking/Loudness/Emphasis

Underline = Mainly Emphasis

* * *

 _…_ _The Great war raged on. The everlasting conflicts by Devils, Fallen, and Angels brought death and destruction to the land, thousands of corpses littered the battlefields and the casualties accumulated. The unaffiliated humans wished and longed for the days of peace. They prayed to whomever God who would listen to them. Death after death after death, they cried and suffered until they realised; No one was going to answer them. They had enough, the humans decided that they would be the ones who would fulfil their own wish. They, the powerless, were going to end the war themselves…_

 _And so, a new legend was born…_

* * *

The knife was huge.

Like, really huge.

Like, really **really** huge.

It was too huge.

I eyeballed the piece of sharpened steel, Hm. Terrifying.

"Kazuma-kun, you don't have to worry~! This is a tool to cut hair."

 _Na- Naniii!?_ (AN: Wha- Whaat!?)

I observed the knife again…

Huh, Maybe it does cut hair... No what am I thinking! That's a tool for murder! Murder!

I looked back at Aunt Yuiyui with eyes of scepticism.

"Well it does have another, extra feature… _It's reaping the souls of victims and storing them inside the knife, making it sharper and more durable!_ But it mainly cuts hair so it's fine really."

What did she say!?

While I began to doubt my listening ability, another individual came into the room.

A fully armoured, crimson warrior walked in with a bloody spike mace in one hand and a _Frying Pan_ in the other, which also for some reason, was _bloody_ too.

"Wha…Wha…"

What anz Who ze fuck is zis!?

In a deep voice the armoured man bellowed;

" **Who are you mortal? What is your relation to my daughter**?"

This terrifying man is your daaaaaddd!?

I faced Megumin and pointed at the armoured man.

She seemed to get the message and replied;

"Yeah that pathetic man is my father. Hey, can you please get out of armour? It doesn't suit you."

" **Megumin! Who is this boy!** "

Megumin's 'father' pointed his armoured finger at me. I slightly trembled.

"Hyoizaburoo~ He's Kazuma you silly goose! Don't you remember him? Kazuma Satou!" Yuiyui said.

" **Kazuma… Satou?... Kazuma?...** Oh! It's Kazuma"

Hyoizaburoo's deep voice was replaced with a cheery one.

"Kazuma it's been a while hasn't it?"

"…"

"Oh that's right, I'm in this suit of armour and you can't see me. I'll be back in a few minutes!"

And with loud, heavy steps, Hyoizaburoo exited the scene.

After a moment of silence Megumin spoke up.

"Hey Kazuma, do you remember him? My father?"

"Umm… I think I do? He was uhh…"

And in that moment, a black haired man who looked like he was in his late 40's, came in.

"I'm back!"

That was fast.

"I heard that my baby girl had a boyfriend and I was going to kill-, I mean greet him."

I noticed the slip up.

 _"Hahahahaha~"_

I noticed the slip up old man who are you trying to fool.

"But I'm relieved that it was you Kazuma. I really _am."_

Your 'warm smile' ain't fooling me!

"Great! Fantastic! Now can I show my boyfriend to Yuyun?" Megumin said.

"Yes but first let's show him to Komekko."

"I-I don't think we need to show her mom. She's literally 5."

"Hmmm really? What do you say dear?"

"I say let her brag in front of her friend first."

And so Megumin did.

.

..

…

…

..

.

"Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-You really have a boyfriend!"

"Of course Yunyun! Did you think I was lying? I never lie!"

"A-A-And it's Kazuma-kun!"

"Yes!"

"Why of all people does it have to be Kazuma-kun…"

Yunyun was the _other_ 'childhood' friend of Kazuma. The two met through Megumin and became friends immediately. She was also the main teasing victim of Kazuma.

"Hi Yunyun, how's it been?"

"H-H-Hi Kazuma-kun!"

Yunyun blushed deeply and began fidgeting, she curled her hair and looked away. Just like a maiden in love…

Just like a maiden in love?

Just like a maiden in love.

"Okay bye Yunyun~!"

Megumin grabbed Kazuma's arm and began walking to her next location.

"W-Wait!"

But Megumin did not.

"You win! Megumin you won our bet but please let me catch up with Kazuma! I want to talk t-to him about stuff!"

"I feel the same. We have a lot of catching up to do."

Megumin gave up on Kazuma's call.

…

The three were in Yunyun's home. Tea was served and they were sitting around a circle table. While fidgeting, Yuyun asked;

"So um, is Megumin really your, your g-g-g-girl-f-f-f-f-frienddd?"

"No."

"Hey!"

"What."

"You agreed to become my pretend boyfriend!"

"You never said how long."

"Wha-"

"I just didn't want to lie to Yuyun… Oi Yuyun, are you okay?"

"….YESSSSS!"

Yuyun did a mini victory fist.

"Oh, glad to know…"

"Yunyun, what are you doing?"

"Nothing!"

"You just did some kind of victory pose."

"No I didn't!..."

Inside Yuyun's mind

 _YEESSSSSSS! FANTASTIC! MEGUMIN DOESN'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND_ _ **AND**_ _KAZUMA'S SINGLE! WHAT AN AMAZING OPPORTUNITY!_

Outside if Yuyun's mind.

Yunyun was drooling.

"But man, Yuyun, you've changed. Your breasts have grown quite nicel- BLEH!"

Kazuma was falcon punched in the gut by Megumin.

"O-Oi Megumin why did you do that?"

"My hand slipped."

"Bullshit! Just because you have no boo- BLARGH!"

Another strike to Kazuma's gut. At least it was training Kazuma's 'toughness' or 'durability'.

"Shut up! I'm way more talented than stupid Yuyun! I know Explosion Magic! One of the highest calibre Magic in the world!"

"You only can use it once before collapsing!"

A moment later, Kazuma replied;

"What… did you just say just now?"

"YUNYUN!"

Megumin pinched Yunyun's cheeks apart as she pleaded for forgiveness.

Kazuma sighed.

"Oi Megumin, can you show me your spell?"

Megumin's expression turned to extreme joy as she stopped pinching Yunyun's cheeks.

"Of course! Let me get my staff!"

* * *

"Hey Darkness?"

"What is it Aqua?"

"Why are you following Kazuma?"

"I-I'm not following him! I'm just making sure he doesn't do anything suspicious! W-Why are you with me then?"

"I'm here because it's my duty to watch over Kazuma, Damn it! I wish I could kick him!"

"SSHHH They might hear us!"

"You be quiet!"

Megumin, Kazuma and Yuyun (plus Aqua and Darkness who were hiding) were on a field near a lake with trees and bushes.

Megumin shouted;

"Let me show you! My extraordinary spell!"

"I've got to admit, Megumin's spell is pretty _extraordinary_. If you want, you can take shelter behind me Kazuma-kun."

"…"

Megumin pointed her staff to the sky and chanted.

"Darkness blacker than black and darker than dark,"

A Magic circle appeared on top of Megumin's staff.

"I beseech thee, combine with my deep crimson."

The circle was getting bigger.

"The time of awakening cometh.  
Justice, fallen upon the infallible boundary,"

And bigger.

"Appear now as an intangible distortion!  
I desire for my torrent of power a destructive force:  
A destructive force without equal!  
Return all creation to cinders,  
and come from the abyss!"

Kazuma knew something grand was about to happen soon.

" **Explosion!** "

 ** _BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!_**

* * *

The trip back to Megumin's house was quiet. Kazuma was simply too stunned to speak, Yuyun was fidgeting and didn't know what to say, Megumin had a smug grin on her face. Currently, she was being carried by Kazuma.

"… Sooo Kazuma, what did you think?"

To which Kazuma replied;

"You know what Megumin? It was amazing. Really amazing, I'll give you that."

Taken back by his honesty, Megumin stuttered.

"Oh, Ohh… T-Thank you…"

The girl on Kazuma's back blushed. Fortunately for her, Kazuma didn't see.

Yunyun just fidgeted.

Inside Yunyun's mind

Crap. What should I do to impress Kazuma? What should I doooo~?

Outside Yunyun's mind

Yunyun still fidgeted.

…

…

…

 _…_ _I feel like shit._

Issei was in his room, the thoughts of the crimson-eyed girl he had recently met swirled around in his head.

 _I feel shit, I feel shit, I feel shit, I feel shit!_

Issei punched a wall in his room, making a large dent. He slumped to the floor and clenched his fists.

He thought about the devastated, crying face of the crimson-eyed girl. The girl who shed many tears in front of his grave.

 _I swear, I swear on my life that no one has to feel like that! I won't allow anyone to die, I swear!_

Unknown to him, the Dragon inside Issei began to awaken.

* * *

"It's been a short while but I'm glad to have met you again Kazuma."

"Thank you, Aunt Yuiyui…"

"Keep my girl safe would ya?" Hyoizabura said.

"Hahaha yes yes… What?"

"You may address me as 'Father-in-law' or 'Father'. I mean, i-it's not like I want you to call me that!"

"What?"

"Is there a problem Kazuma?" Yuiyui asked.

"Yes! Why is she coming with me?!"

Kazuma pointed at the blushing Megumin.

"Hm? It's a custom that we have in this clan. If a Clanswoman were to bring back a suitor to their home, those two **_must_** stay together at **_all_** times. They also must get married as soon as they can."

"What kind of bullshit custom is that!? You made that up right now, didn't you? Also isn't she too young, she's 13!"

"My sweet baby girl is 14 actually." Hyoizaburoo corrected, "And that's ripe age isn't it?"

"No it's not! How is in the hell is that 'ripe age'!?"

"Hmmm… I think back when our clan was in the great war, the average age of death was quite low, and so to counter that we married young."

"Ma'am, we are not in the great war."

"Traditions are traditions." Yuiyui winked.

In desperation, Kazuma turned to Megumin.

"Are you okay with this crap?!"

" _If it's Kazuma it's fi…_ T-Traditions… are traditions!"

Kazuma's last hope shattered into a million pieces.

"It's regrettable that Komekko hasn't seen her sister's future husband… Oh well! She'll be there at the wedding I suppose."

Kazuma's face colour was as pale as a ghost. In contrast to Megumin, who looked like a tomato.

"W… Whatever! Aqua! Darkness! We're leaving this damned village!"

Hyoizaburoo placed his hand on Kazuma's shoulder.

He smiled and whispered;

"Just so you know, if you take a single step outside of our clan village. You'll probably **_die_**."

"Wha-"

"Just trust me okay? Ka. Zu. Ma?"

Kazuma sweated profusely before nodding.

"Great. I'll send you back then."

A Magic circle appeared beneath Kazuma and co.

"Teleport!"

4 figures disappeared and went off to a new location.

"…"

"…"

"Honey?"

"Yes dear?"

"Do you know where they were before they came here?"

"…"

* * *

 **Gremory Main Mansion**

Vanir was sipping his tea when suddenly 4 confused individuals appeared in front of him. After 3 seconds, the brown haired one screamed;

"Not again!"

The blonde one looked dumbfounded.

The blue-haired one took her guard against Vanir.

While the red-eyed one just looked miserable.

The red-eyed one looked awfully familiar.

Vanir exclaimed;

"Who are you people? What business do you have in the Gremory Mansion?!"

The 4 did not reply nor react.

"…Moi repeat, what business do you have in the Gremory Mansion?!"

The brown-haired one looked at Vanir in the eyes. The eyes were filled with pain, hardships and agony. He let out a ghostly reply;

"W-W-We w-were teleported here a-against our own a-accord. Please just teleport us back to the human world."

He felt pity for the young boy, but Vanir was on maximum guard. This was because of the fact that 2 of the 4 invaders had a holy aura.

An Exorcist and an… Unknown variable.

Dangerous.

"Hmph, you sure have a lot of guts to come here exorcist," Vanir said the last word like it was poison. "And you… What are you?"

Vanir pointed at the unknown variable, the blue-haired one.

"I am Aqua, Goddess of Water. Now bow down filthy Devil. You're not even worth my time."

"Wh-What?"

"Yeah that's right, now shoo! Begon- OWWW! Kazuma what was that for!?"

"Just shut up! Your existence makes everything bad!"

"Huh!? I'm a perfect being! Now apologise!"

"'Perfect' my ass!"

While Aqua and Kazuma argued, Megumin stepped forward.

"Is this… Gremory territory?"

"Yes…What is it you want child? Who are you?"

"Humph, I… I am Megumin from the Crimson Demon Clan!" Megumin's eyes gleamed brighter than ever.

"C-Crimson Demon Clan?! Where's your proof?"

"These eyes prove everything." Megumin pointed at her crimson eyes.

"…What is it you want?"

"I wish to return to the human world… I also want food!"

"…Let moi speak to my master." And then, Vanir vanished from sight.

"…Oi Megumin, you know that guy?" Kazuma was the first to ask.

"No, but my clan, the Crimson Demons, are on very friendly terms with the Gremory Devils."

"…D-D-D-Devils, right. Ha ha ha…ha…" Darkness whimpered.

"Why are you guys on friendly term with each other?" Kazuma asked.

"Umm… I think it was because… of an episode that happened in the great war thousand's of years ago or something… I forgot... Yeah."

"Huh…What the hell happened in the great war…?"

"Bloodshed, That's what happened." A new voice resounded through the room. The eyes of the four went to the owner of the voice. He appeared to be a handsome young man who seemed to be in his early 20's and had shoulder length red hair, grey-gold armour and sharp blue-green eyes.

To Kazuma, he was an existence who was strikingly similar to a certain Senpai of his.

"Or at least, that's what my great elders told me… A blood festival worse than the Devil Civil War…"

"I agree, Master."

"Vanir don't call me that. It feels weird."

"I'm sorry, Master."

"…"

"Hahaha! That Vanir guy just called him 'Master'! Kazuma, isn't that hilarious!?"

"Sirzechs-sama, may I pulverise that blue-haired girl over there?"

"Haha, not so fast Vanir. Let's hear about their situation first."

.

..

…

…

..

.

They were sitting around a rectangle table with Kazuma and co on one side and the Devils on the other side. There was also food in the middle which Megumin gladly helped herself too.

"I see, you guys were teleported here without meaning to."

"Yes, we're sorry." Kazuma spoke as the collective.

"It's fine it's fine." Sirzechs looked over to Darkness, she twitched. "Although it's very rare to see an Exorcist in the Underworld."

"Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Yeah…" Darkness' voice was tiny.

"Do not fear, we will not harm you."

" (:D) "

"Hahaha, would you like to be teleported back? Just tell me an exact address and I'll send you there."

"Thank you si-"

"Hold on a minute." Vanir interrupted, "I'm sorry Sirzechs-sama, may moi talk to these people in private?"

Sirzechs raised an eyebrow before going back to his default face.

"I do not mind."

"Thank you. Follow moi, you four."

Vanir led the four to another room.

…

"Ummm, what is it you want? Vanir-san?"

"I'm sorry but I request one thing." Vanir went down on one knee and asked, "Can you please help my master, Sirzechs-sama?"

"?"

"Oh, maybe I should've explained... I owe Sirzechs-sama my life. Literally. A long time ago, in the Devil civil war, I was on the Old Satan Faction, the opposite of what Sirzechs-sama was on. Near the end of the war, I challenged Sirzechs-sama to a duel. I lost gracefully. I was waiting for him to kill me, but instead, he spared me…

….

….

…

 _"_ _What are you waiting for? End me and be done with it!" Vanir spat out, "I have lost!"_

 _Sirzechs walked up to the downed body of Vanir._

 _"_ _I, have lost…"_

 _"_ _?"_

 _"_ _I have lost… I have lost too many comrades, too much family, too many friends! Why are we doing this!? For what reason do you guys unleash unnecessary bloodshed to our own kin!?"_

 _"_ _It's because t-the new 'Satans' are f-fake…"_

 _"_ _Do you really think that?"_

 _"…_ _No…No I don't but I… I…! I can't go back to my clan anymore! I'm good as dead! If I go back without a head, they'll kill me!"_

 _"_ _Then don't."_

 _"_ _Huh?"_

 _"_ _Stay on our side, Vanir."_

 _"_ _I… Can I?"_

 _"_ _Affirmative. From this day forward, Vanir of the ****** clan is dead. Now you are just 'Vanir'. Serve me and I'll show you what a Satan is like!"_

 _"_ _Yes, my lord!"_

 _…_

 _…_

 _…_

"- And later after the war ended, I joined Sirzechs-sama's Peerage as a pawn and became his servant. That's why I owe him my life."

Vanir looked up to see 4 sleeping faces.

"Listen to moi!"

The four woke up.

"…Anyway, I owe Sirzechs-sama. But I can't do it myself."

"What are we going to do?"

"Currently Sirzechs-sama is distressed over his little sister, Rias Gremory, about her wedding."

"I see, I see… Hm?"

"In a few weeks, she will be forced to marry another Pure-blood Devil, Riser Phenex, with or without love."

"Wait wait wait-"

"Her Peerage is small, so she won't be able to fight his peerage fairly."

"WAIT!"

"Yes?"

"D-Did you just say Rias Gremory?"

"What's wrong Kazuma?"

"What seems to be the problem Kazuma?"

"Kazutrash I'm hungry."

"Rias Gremory is… Rias Gremory is… a Senpai of mine."

"Oh, I heard that she was attending a school somewhere in the human world."

"It all makes sense now. The reason why that Sarsex (Sirzechs) dude looked familiar, the reason why the word 'Gremory' sounded familiar… RIAS BLOODY GREMORY WAS A DEVIL!? I STARED AT HER TITS IN SCHOOL! AAAAAAAAHHHHHhhhh h h ah…"

Kazuma fainted, And so the four took a night in the Gremory Mansion.

* * *

Kazuma woke up in cold sweat, his breathing was ragged and he felt like a sack of potatoes. He just had a dream where Rias stabbed him multiple times and ate him as revenge for looking at her chest. Although some may consider that as their fetish, it definitely was not for Kazuma.

The first thing he realised was that Darkness was sleeping soundly beside him. Her blonde hair and beautiful face entranced him… for 2 seconds, then he kicked her off his bed.

"Wah!"

"Oi pervert, why were you in my bed?"

"…! Huh?! Kazuma did you kick me off!?"

"Answer my question masochist."

"I…I couldn't sleep you know! I, an exorcist was staying a night in Devil territory! It was too scary…"

Kazuma sighed.

"Did Vanir say anything after I, well, you know…"

"Fainted?... Yes he did. He wants us to crash Rias Gremory's wedding."

"Well isn't that terrific… What are your thoughts on this?"

Darkness answered straight away.

"I fully agree with this plan!"

Kazuma, surprised, gave Darkness a confused stare.

"…You're awfully into this. I thought you didn't like Devils?"

Darkness looked down at her feet.

"No girl… Devil or not, should be put into arranged marriages… Arranged marriages are… they're not, they don't have love in them…"

"What if they both fall in love?"

Darkness' voice wavered.

"T-Then I… I suppose it's alright, I guess…"

"…Darkness, don't worry. If Rias-senpai isn't happy with this, I'll try and stop it with all my might."

And for some reason, Darkness blushed slightly and smiled.

* * *

 **Author's Notebook:**

 **A lot of things happened this chapter, whoopee.**

 **Megumin's parents: Yuiyui & Hyoizaburoo! Hilarious names.**

 **Megumin's little sister: Komekko! She didn't have an appearance! I may put her into the story later on. Maybe. Probably, not.**

 **Yunyun! Most likely to appear later in the story!**

 **Kazuma is Megumin's 'Fiance' lol.**

 **AAAANNNNNNDDD!**

 **The part in the beginning, the Great War prologue, I may create another story describing the events of the Great War. Basically a prequel-sequel to this story.**

 **But that's only if this fic gets famous enough.**

 **Drop a review! Your review(s) 'ca'n change the course of this story! (Empahisis on 'can' not 'will')**

 **Bye~**

 **Moi~!**


	6. The 4 idiots crash a party

Hi. Konosuba crossover.

Idk.

 _Italics_ = Thoughts/Emphasis

 **Bold** = Loud person speaking/Loudness/Emphasis

Underline = Mainly Emphasis

* * *

'1+1 = 3 If you do not use a condom.'

* * *

"MY NAME IS MEGUMIN! AND IN THE NAME OF THE CRIMSON DEMON CLAN, I WILL STOP THIS WEDDING!"

Megumin's eyes gleamed as she waved her staff madly in the air.

"NONONONONONON! What are you doing!?" Vanir screamed, "Keep to the script!"

"But that's boring~ This way is much cooler."

"There's no point in moi giving you the masks if you give your identity away!"

The mask was the exact same design as the one Vanir wears.

...

Currently, Kazuma & co were preparing themselves by practising their lines from a script that Vanir made.

"Um, Vanir-san? Do we really have to wear these masks?"

Darkness lifted the mask off her face as she asked.

"Yes! Didn't I tell you that those masks completely conceal your identity!? Wear it!"

Darkness shuddered and slipped her mask back on.

Previously, Vanir explained that the masks hide the magical power and aura inside the body of the wearer. He also explained that the mask blocks all mental attacks, and as an added bonus, it hides the wearer's face.

"Start again from the beginning!"

Kazuma and Aqua groaned.

"M-Megumin, please. Just stick to the script."

"B-B-But! The Crimson Demon Clan..."

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

"I won't... I won't lose another friend! I can't! I won't allow it!"

With tears in his eyes, Issei roared;

" **STOOOOOOP!** "

Issei began running towards Asia but it was too late, her sacred gear- Twilight healing was taken from her.

"Ha...ha...hahahahaha! With this, I can finally become the supreme fallen angel!"

" **RETUUUUUURN THAAAAAAT!** "

Forcibly pushing through the mob of rogue exorcists and ignoring all his stab wounds, Issei attempted to punch Raynare. She simply flew upwards and dodged.

Kiba and Koneko fended of the rogue exorcists.

"Haha, is that all you've got?"

"Gi...Give that back...to Asia!"

"...Issei...san?"

"?!"

Issei quickly kneeled and held the dying Asia in his arms.

"Hang in there Asia, I'm he-here for you."

"Y-Yes..."

"No, stay awake Asia! Don't go!"

"...T-Thank you... for... the memories, Issei-sa...n..."

Asia went limp.

"..."

"Hey cockroach, I lied to my superiors to carry out this plan, and unfortunately, you are a witness to that."

"..."

"But _dying_ together with her is not so bad, is it?"

"..."

 _Everything..._

"Hmph, Just die for me please."

Raynare formed a light spear in her arm.

"..."

He places down Asia and closes her eyes.

 _It's all my..._

His eyes turn green.

 _...fault..._

 _..._

Rias reacts quickly.

"Akeno! We have to get to Issei now!"

"Hm? Weren't we going to collect the feathers of these pitiful birds (Fallen Angels) and show it to the last one?"

"Now is not the time! Issei has somehow forcibly removed the seals I've placed on him!"

Seeing the distressed face of her master, Akeno agreed.

The two made it to the underground ritual site. They were shocked in what they saw.

Raynare, presumably the remaining Fallen Angel was _indented_ into the wall. The rogue exorcists were cowering in fear while Kiba and Koneko were on the ground.

But the most shocking thing they saw was the sole figure of Issei, releasing an ominous green aura.

He wasn't moving.

"Kiba, Koneko! What happened?"

Kiba looked up at Rias.

"Buchou... I don't really understand. Issei just... exploded with _that"_ Kiba points at Issei's standing figure,"... green aura and sent all of the people here off their feet aside from Asia. He's been standing like that ever since."

Koneko nodded.

"M-M-Monster..." Raynare stuttered, "What the hell are you!"

She wriggled out from the wall and fell to the floor. She leaned against the wall and shouted again;

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU!"

But instead of the boy, an old, powerful voice replied.

" **Hmph foolish Fallen...** "

Then Issei began chanting.

" ** _I, who am about to awaken..._** "

But Rias interrupted.

"Issei stop! I'm here. Everything will be fine..."

Rias hugged him from behind.

All was still in the area.

"...Buchou?"

Issei's eyes turned back to normal and his green aura faded away.

"I'm a bit...tired..."

Issei fainted in the arms of his master.

* * *

A week had passed but Kazuma & co still have not memorised their lines. Vanir was at the point of exploding in anger.

"AAAARRRRGGHHH! Why are you guys so infuriating!"

"Hey! I remembered my lines!"

During the week, I and the three idiots met the parents of Sirzechs and Rias. Aqua and Darkness were forced to wear the masks at the time they met them. I talked them into letting us stay at the Mansion by saying that it was to 'Deepen the relationship between the Crimson Demon Clan & Gremory Clan' or some bullshit like that. The parents, Zeoticus and Venelana Gremory happily obliged and let us stay. Thank God for that... Thank Satan for that?...Darkness had an existential crisis for a day after that; Rambling on about how she was a top exorcist and why she is taking refuge in the Devil's mansion or something. I personally didn't have an opinion on this matter. I just want to get it over and done with, after that I'm definitely having my peace!... But why...

But why...

Why am I having so much fun?

.

..

...

* * *

...

..

.

 _I was... I was so close..._

Issei was on the floor with the foot of Riser Phenex on his head.

The Gremory team had wiped out the enemy team, mostly done by Issei. But they couldn't beat _that_ person.

 _I... I trained so hard...harder than anything..._

The enemy King. Riser Phenex... Kiba, Koneko, Akeno, Asia- They were all taken out by him.

"Riser please! Stop!" Rias pleaded with tears flowing down her cheeks.

The battered and bruised Issei looked at his master's crying face.

 _Why are you... crying...?_

Issei clenched his fists.

 _Who... made you cry!?_

Issei looked above him. The arrogant douchebag.

 _It's him!_

 _..._

 _..._

...

 _I want to..._

 _..._

 _Defeat him..._

 _..._

 _..._

 _..._

 _ **Your will has been confirmed.**_

...

Slowly, Issei grabbed the foot that was on his head.

"Hm? Is the worm wriggling? Oh, are you alri-"

Before he finished his sentence, Riser was embedded into a wall.

Issei was enveloped in a green aura.

He instantly appeared next to Riser, he grabbed his neck and squeezed.

"!"

Because his voice box was closed, Riser couldn't speak or breathe.

Issei choke slammed him to the ground, creating a man-sized crater.

"GAHH!"

He then sat on top of Riser's body and punched rapidly.

With both arms, as hard and as fast as he could.

He punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched and punched.

The end result was a bloody pulp that was formerly the proud, arrogant Riser Phenex.

He punched until he could punch no more. The green aura around his body and his glowing eyes faded away.

Then, Issei succumbed to his injuries.

Yet he was still conscious. He still had his fighting spirit.

Riser's healing powers were finally starting to take effect. But he couldn't wait.

With shaky hands, he took something out of his pocket and poured a liquid onto the unrecognisable mess called his face. In an instant, he was rejuvenated. But the sheer horror on his face existed.

He stood up with wobbly knees and summoned the greatest fireball he could muster.

"D-D-D-Die!"

"NO! I SURRENDER! I, Rias Gremory resigns! Please, don't kill my Issei..."

[Rias Gremory's resignation confirmed. Riser Phenex wins the game.]

Riser Phenex slumps down and clutches his face. No, his mouth. He was about to puke.

And the Rating Game had ended.

* * *

I am the Unnamed Katana.

The sole Katana with a blade so sharp it can cut anything.

I have existed for an uncountable amount of years. Yet I, do not rust or dull.

I am the Katana, once wielded by the great Nobunaga himself.

I am the Katana with no equal.

I am the Katana with no meaning in its creation.

I am, the Unnamed Katana...

* * *

The 'Wedding Party' had started, every Devil was invited, even Rias Gremory's Peerage members. But they were all handcuffed. Issei had it worst, he also had legcuffs and a straight jacket.

Riser started his speech.

"Famed nobles of the underworld. The Phenex family is honoured by your attendance tonight. We have invited you all to share the historic moment in which I, Riser Phenex, and heiress apparent of the Gremory family, Rias Gremory, formally announce our intent to marry each other!"

The crowd clapped.

"Without further ado, let me introduce Rias Gremory!"

Rias appeared right next to Riser via a magic circle.

""""STOP THIS WEDDING!""""

4 Figures with masks appeared.

The entrance was cool and very flashy, they appeared as a unit.

"Wait a minute... this isn't a wedding. THIS A FREAKIN ENGAGEMENT PARTY!"

"Calm down Kazutrash!"

"Shut up Aqushit!"

"HUH?! You wanna fight!?"

"Bring it on bitch!"

The two began fighting immediately. The flashy entrance was all for nothing.

Confused, Riser responded;

"Um, who are you guys?"

"Uhhhh..."

Kazuma & Aqua... Kazutrash and Aqushit stopped fighting.

In a quiet voice, they whispered among themselves.

 _"How do you respond to this question?"_

 _"I don't know!"_

 _"Wasn't asking you Aqushit."_

 _"Please stop fighting you two."_

 _"Sorry Maso-Blonde, It's just that Aqushit is an annoying mess."_

 _"Hey!"_

 _"Guys, can I talk?"_

 _"No. Remember what we agreed on? You can't talk here, Chuunibyou."_

 _"Who made these codenames?"_

 _"I don't know Maso-Blonde, I don't know..."_

 _"...It was you wasn't it? Kazutrash..."_

Riser roared;

"STOP TALKING AMONGST YOURSELVES! SAY SOMETHING!"

"Ummm... W-We came here for the hand of Rias Gremory! Yeah! Ha...ha..."

The voice was so weak, it was depressing.

Vanir came to the rescue.

"H-Hahahahaha! It was me! I hired these people as entertainment for this fantastic night!"

Riser looked at Vanir with distrust in his eyes.

"What are you planning?"

"Exactly as I said before! Mere entertainment!"

"Then why did that person say that they came here for 'the hand of Rias Gremory'?"

Vanir smiled.

"As I said, entertainment. If you manage to beat these fools. Wouldn't your fame grow higher? Imagine the headlines, ' _Riser Phenex stops party-crashers!_ ', wouldn't that be great?"

Riser had an arrogant expression.

"Okay, I'll play your little game Vanir, Pawn of the Crimson Satan Lucifer."

"Haha thank you Riser Phenex."

"...Oi... Vanir, he just said something pre~tty interesting..."

"?"

"...'Crimson Satan Lucifer'... Wait so does that mean...that Rias Gremory is the younger sister of... FUCKING LUCIFER!? WHAT THE FUCK!"

.

..

...

...

..

.

Issei stared at the four masked figures with confusion and slight concern.

Did they come here to rescue Rias? Are they jesters? Why do the brown-haired and black-haired two look so familiar?

Issei watched the brown-haired one get over his initial shock that Sirzechs was the Crimson Lucifer.

"Oh my gawd... Crimson Lucifer...?... No way..."

Whatever/whoever he is, the Gremory Peerage had one thought.

'They're kind of funny.'

What happened to the tense mood 5 minutes ago?

"..."

Then the brown-haired one said something outrageous.

"Haa~ stick to the script, stick to the script~!... Okay, Riser Fendicks, We challenge you to a fight!"

All was silent.

"Um, Kazutrash? I think it's Riser Spennix."

"Is it really? I thought it was Racing Thunderkicks."

"Chuunibyou remember our agreement? No talking."

"Right, sorry Kazutrash."

"Maybe it's Phenex?"

"Yes! That's the one!"

The brown-haired one coughed and exclaimed;

"Okay, I got this... Racing Phenex! We challenge you to a fight!"

"..."

"?"

"ARE YOU GUYS MOCKING ME!"

""""?""""

"IT'S RISER PHENEX YOU MORONS!"

"Oh... cool."

"TCH!... You're not even worth my time, just fight my peerage. I don't care."

"Ha! Look Aqushit! He's pushing the responsibility onto someone else!"

"Haha! Look Kazutrash! He's scared of us pfffffttt, he' soooo pathetic!"

Veins popped from Riser's head.

"ENOUGH! You guys aren't even worth my girls! I'll take you on then!"

"...Wait a minute, did you just say 'my girls'?"

"Yes?"

"So no boys or anything?"

"No boys, my peerage is my harem." Riser said proudly.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? WE'LL TAKE ON YOUR WHOLE PEERAGE INCLUDING YOU! YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"

And so Issei witnessed a Rating Game between 4 people and a full peerage.

* * *

The four were in a Rating Game alternate dimension.

"Waaahhh Kazutrash, this is completely out of the script! out! out~!"

"Shut up Aqushit!"

Kazuma smacked Aqua on the head.

"Now listen to me, I'll be the 'King', Chuunibyou is the 'Queen', Maso-blonde is the 'Rook' and Aqushit is the 'Pawn'"

"I-I'm Kazum-... Kazutrash's Queen... That means I'm his lov-"

"Waaahhh Why am I the Pawn!"

"Cheese-tits Fracking kroist, shut up! Your power doesn't change! does it?! Shut it!"

"Please! At least bishop! bishop!"

"FINE! Aqushit, you are a 'Bishop'!"

"Yay!"

[Both sides have 15 minutes of planning time. Starting now.]

"So, what shall we do Kazutrash?" Darkness asked.

Kazuma chuckled,

"If the info we got was correct, We'll win easy peezy."

Kazuma's eyes glinted.

.

..

...

...

..

.

"-And save the King for me. I will personally crush the enemy King."

"Yes Riser-sama."

[10 Seconds left of Planning time.]

"Are those 4 idiots, Nii-san?" (AN: Nii-san = Older brother)

"Hahaha, those morons will regret messing with me."

[5 Seconds left of planning time]

"With me, the great Riser Phenex!"

[3]

[2]

[1]

[The Unofficial Rating Game between the 'Masks' and Riser Phenex has started.]

"Go my adorable servants! Let them taste your pow-"

 **BOOOOOOMMM!**

[Riser's 8 Pawns retired, Riser's 2 Rooks retired, Riser's Bishop retired, Riser's 2 Knights retired, Riser's Queen retired.]

...

...

?

.

Everything was gone, save for The 'King' Riser Phenex and his little sister 'Bishop' Ravel Phenex. Due to their regenerative abilities, they survived.

With her clothes tattered, hair messed up, Ravel Phenex asked;

"What...happened."

"I don't...understand either..."

With one attack, almost all of Riser's peerage was gone.

"What...did those..." Riser roared at the sky, "MORONS DO!"

Meanwhile

"Good job Chuunubyou! Did you hear all those announces? You did a great job!"

"Haha, thank you... Kazum-... Kazutrash..."

Megumin disappeared in blue light.

[The Mask's Queen retired.]

"You really did a great job..." Kazuma turned around and faced the remaining two. "Now it's our turn."

""Yes!""

The remaining three of the 'Masks' headed for the other team.

...

...

...

All the Devils attending the party witnessed the instant destruction of Riser Phenex's peerage.

Most of the Devil dropped their drinks out of shock.

"What just..."

"Happened...?..."

"...In an instant they just..."

Issei gazed at the cocky grins of the masked people as they ran towards their enemies.

 _Just... who are these people!?_

 _..._

...

...

The masks encountered the Phenex.

"You! What did you do?!"

"I'll never tell you flame chicken~!"

"Yeah! Yeah! Iddddiiiiot!"

Aqua and Kazuma put their tongues out and annoyed the hell out of their enemies. Darkness stood to the side with a neutral expression.

"GGRRRR! I'LL KILL THEM! BURN THEM ALIVE!"

But before Riser could unleash his attacks, Kazuma ordered Aqua;

"Do it, now!"

"Aye aye!"

Aqua unleashed a huge torrent of water out of her palms. The water swirled around Riser and encased him, trapping him in a sphere of water. But this wasn't just any old water...

Inside the water prison, Riser was thrashing and kicking with all his might. His pained expression was clearly visible. Yes, that's right. This isn't just water, this was 'Holy water'.

"Nii-sama!"

But Ravel couldn't touch the water, Holy water was basically a toxic substance to Devils.

"Please! You're going to kill my brother!"

"Really? Oh crap, it's going to be really bad if we kill someone. Aqushit! Release him!"

"Tch, fine."

The water that trapped Riser scattered. Riser fell to the floor and wriggled like a worm, the effects of Holy water had taken a toll.

"Oi girl over there, tell your pathetic brother to give up. I need to take a piss. No seriously, I'm busting to go."

"Ah okay... Nii-sama..."

Ravel crawled over to Riser's body,

"...Drink this!"

Ravel took something out of her pocket and-

"STTEEEEAAAAALLL!"

The 'something' that was in her hands disappeared.

"Wha...t..."

"So this is a 'Phoenix Tear' huh? I'll save this for later I guess."

"You, you!"

"What?"

Ravel launched herself at Kazuma. However, Darkness stopped her by using herself as a shield.

"Wha-"

Ravel was knocked back and she crashed to the floor.

"Thanks, Maso-Blonde."

"Ah sure...Kazu...trash..."

Kazuma walked toward the fallen figure of Ravel. He kneeled next to her and cupped her chin. Ravel blushed slightly.

"Wha-Wha?!"

Kazuma took a deep breathe and...

"OI HURRY UP! I REALLY NEED TO GO TO THE TOILET SO TELL YOUR BROTHER TO RESIGN OR SOMETHING! I WANT TO GO HOME! I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY GIRL! I HAVE NO PROBLEM IN KICKING YOUR ASS EITHER SO DON'T PULL OUT THE ' **But I'm a girl** ' CARD! DON'T UNDERESTIMATE GENDER EQUALITY!"

"...W...Waaaahhhhh!"

Ravel started crying.

"O-Oi why are you crying?"

"Hmph, you really are trash, Kazutrash."

"To... make a girl cry... how savage...!"

"Oi oi oi oi oi! It's clearly not my fault!"

"Trash."

"OI!"

But before anything else happened. There was an announcement.

[Riser Phenex is deemed unable to fight, The Masks win the game.]

...

...

...

* * *

 **Author's Notebook:**

 **Oh boy. Kazuma is actual trash. Lol.**

 **I'm lazy as fuuuuuuuuu-**

 **Here are the codenames**

 **Kazutrash = Kazuma**

 **Aqushit = Aqua**

 **Maso-Blonde = Darkness**

 **Chunnibyou = Megumin**

 **.**

 **Duh.**

 **.**

 **There will be an explanation to Issei's sudden power later on, chapter 8 or something.**

 **Kazuma is weak as shit... But fear not! He will learn more magic, attain more equipment and gain more allies!**

 **He won't be weak forever!...**

 **...**

 **...**

 **..**

 **.**

 **Probably...**

 **Leave a review. Peace.**


	7. The confrontation, Kind of

Hi. Konosuba crossover.

Idk.

 _Italics_ = Thoughts/Emphasis

 **Bold** = Loud person speaking/Loudness/Emphasis

Underline = Mainly Emphasis

* * *

'I never make the same mistake twice... I make it five or six times, just to be sure.'

* * *

"At least, tell me your name!" Rias exclaimed.

Kazuma turned around to face the 'Crimson ruin princess' and answered with a smile on his face.

"No."

And then, Vanir and the four masked 'adventurers' teleported away.

* * *

The talk of the Phenex party-crash incident spread throughout the Devil society. 4 unnamed _powerful_ foes appeared and crashed the party entirely, on top of that Riser Phenex and his peerage were wiped out in less than 10 minutes. There were also rumours that it was all set up by Vanir. However, the Crimson Lucifer quickly put the rumour down to nothing.

The mysterious 4 were especially hot talk for the young generation of Devils- they were really popular. They were regarded as the 'Heroes' who saved Rias Gremory. Some Devils wanted to meet and greet them, some Devils even talked about marrying one of them.

Currently, the 4 'Heroes' were in the Gremory Mansion...

...

...

...

"Vanir..."

"Yes, Sirzechs-sama?"

"You set this all up didn't you?" Sirzechs pointed at the four nincompoops.

"...Yes."

"..."

Vanir was prepared for any punishment, however-

"Thank you."

"!"

"Thank you so much. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders."

"Sirzechs-sama..."

"And you four."

"Y-Yes? Lord Lucifer?" Kazuma spoke as the representative.

"..."

Sirzechs walked towards them.

"Eeek!" Darkness yelped.

Sirzechs went down on one knee.

"Thank you too. I am in your debt."

"O-Oh i-it was nothing, nothing!"

"Let me repay you."

"N-No it's o-oka-"

"Give me the best wine you have." Aqua blurted out.

"Aqua!"

Kazuma grabbed Aqua's head and made her bow.

"I-I'm sorry Lucifer-sama! I'm sorry that we exist!"

"No no, it's okay. I'll grant each and every one of you one wish that I can fulfil with my power."

"You don't have to-"

"I insist."

"..."

"I want a Mansion in the human world."

"M-Megumin!?"

"What Kazuma? He's being nice to us."

"Haha, That's easy to do. Tell me where you want it in detail later."

"Yay~"

"Now you two..."

Darkness and Kazuma shivered.

"Do you not want anything?"

""I-It's okay.""

"Are you sure?"

""Yes!""

"...Well, you have my eternal gratitude."

"Ha ha..."

"No, it still feels wrong. I'll be right back, stay where you are."

Sirzechs walked off to who knows where and left a frozen Kazuma and Darkness.

"..."

"..."

"Why didn't you wish for anything you two?" Aqua asked.

"I'm an exorcist! A high ranked exorcist! I can't I can't I just can't!..."

"...Um, Okay... Kazuma what about you."

"...I'm Japanese."

"What."

It was true, Kazuma's Japanese instincts told him not to accept it. (AN: Personal experience. It's really hard for Japanese people to accept stuff.)

"..."

"..."

"That's weird."

"Shut up."

Suddenly, Sirzechs came back with...a Katana in his hands.

"I'll give you this."

Sirzechs handed over the sheathed Katana to Darkness.

"It's a sword called a 'Katana' and apparently, that specific Katana has the ability to cut through anything."

"Wow..."

"It never dulls and never rusts. Experts believe it to be a Katana from the Gods."

"Wooowww..."

"However... The blade can't be taken out."

"Huh?"

"And the sheath is made up of a very hard material so we can't break it. And even if we could, there may be a possibility that the blade breaks."

Darkness tried pulling out the blade but to no avail.

"Nnnggg!"

Darkness who had the highest physical capability among the four, could not unsheath the Katana.

She gave it to Kazuma.

"Just what is that Katana?"

"Who knows. But according to the History texts we found in-"

"I did it."

"?!"

Kazuma successfully unsheathed the blade.

"This isn't hard at all."

"!"

"Could...Could it be..." SIrzechs gasped.

"Hm?"

"Could it be that only humans- no, only Japanese people can unsheath it!?"

Sirzechs stared at awe with a look of bewilderment, while Kazuma gazed at the Katana with dull eyes.

"Well that's racist."

"Well, If you put it like that..."

"I wonder how much I can sell it for?"

"It has been so long since I had a wielder..."

"?"

The Katana scatters into light pink particles and floats around in front of Kazuma. Slowly and slowly, the pink particles form a human shape. It condenses and the pink light fades away, revealing a middle-aged man wearing a gold-trimmed black Kimono (Male). (AN: Male Kimonos exist. Please don't imagine a middle-aged man wearing a female Kimono.)

"Greetings, new master."

"!?" x6

"What is thy name?"

"Um, ah me? Oh my name's Kazuma. Kazuma Satou."

"Kazuma... Satou... I see."

"Um, what is your name?"

"I am a Katana, a blade- I am a mere tool... And tools do not need names. I have no name..."

"Ahaha, o-oh okay..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Does my current form displease thy?"

"?"

"This form is what the previous wielder wished for. Do you wish to change my form?"

"F-Form?"

"It can be anything thy imagines. If you wish for me to be younger, taller or female. It is thy decision."

"F-Female!...Any form?... _Oh, the possibilties~!_ "

Megumin shouted, "No! Don't think up of anything perverted!"

But the unnamed Katana stood menacingly in front of her and glared.

"Do **not** order my master around... Master, permission to cut her?"

"DENIED!"

"Understood."

"...J-just stay in that form!"

"If that is what master desires."

"..."

At that point, everybody: Megumin, Darkness, Aqua, Vanir, Sirzechs and especially Kazuma knew.

 _Oh man, what a pain to deal with~_

...

* * *

Rias Gremory and her peerage teleported to the Gremory Mansion.

"Nii-san! Are you here?" Rias shouted.

"Whoa, you have a big place Buchou!" Issei said with a face if awe.

"This is just one of the places we own."

"One... of the... places...?" Issei had no idea how wealthy his dear Devil master was.

"Yes yes! You're oh so fantastic brother is here~! What is it Rias-chan? Did you miss me? Oh~ don't be shy!."

"Nii-san..."

Rias' peerage just looked at the 'Crimson Lucifer' with dull eyes.

"I didn't come here for a light talk, just who were the four people who showed up last night!"

"I wonder... But that doesn't matter, right? You got out of your arranged marriage! I think that's what matters the most."

"Of course I'm happy that I escaped that horrible situation but-"

"Don't push too far, Rias." Sirzechs said in a serious tone. "You should consider yourself lucky that you got out of this scot-free."

"..."

"Buchou."

"Yes Is...sei...?"

In Issei's hands were two masks that had a design that was exactly the same as Vanir. Two more masks were laying down on the floor in front of him.

"..."

"..."

"Koneko, Kiba, Akeno, Issei, this is an order; Scan every room in this Mansion. Leave no rooms unchecked!"

"Yes, Buchou!" x4

"Hey wai-"

Sirzechs reached out to the running members of his little sister's peerage. But Rias smacked the hand down.

"You can't stop them, dear brother. Your opponent is me."

"Guh!"

If there was one weakness the 'Crimson Lucifer' had, it was his _adorable_ younger sister.

...

...

...

Kazuma was sleeping peacefully on his bed. As peacefully as a human could in a powerful Devil's Mansion... No, he wasn't really sleeping, he was too nervous to sleep. Why you may ask? The reason for Kazuma's insomnia is because his virgin heart was beating so rapidly, that he couldn't fall asleep. This is because of the fact that he's sharing his bed with Darkness.

Of course, this wasn't the first time he had slept with Darkness (AN: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)), but that was when he was already in a deep asleep and Darkness just intruded in. This time around, Darkness asked Kazuma if she could sleep with him. The inexperienced, virgin male just stuttered. Eventually, the male accepted... But now that said male cannot sleep.

Even though he was facing away from Darkness, Kazuma could hear the each and individual inhale and exhale of the blonde female behind him.

It was driving him crazy.

And then the blonde girl wrapped her arms around Kazuma's waist.

"D-D-D-Darknessuuu?"

But she was already in deep sleep.

Kazuma was full-on blushing. His face was so red, that if he went out in public, people would think he's doing a tomato cosplay.

"Does thou require assistance?"

"Wha? You!"

Kazuma saw the Katana which was on the desk beside the bed, faintly glow a light pink.

"You can talk in your Katana form?"

"Yes, I am also conscious of my surroundings when I am like this. I repeat, does thou require assistance?"

"Yes! Do something about this situation!"

"Does thou wish for me to rid of the girl beside you?"

"Yes!"

"Affirmative."

The unnamed Katana turned into his 'Human' form. 'He' placed his hand on Darkness' forehead. Then in an instant, a pink light began emanating from his hand.

"Oi, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to cut this girl."

"...?...Wait wait wait, don't kill her!"

"Master's wish was for me to rid of the girl?"

"THAT DOESN'T ALWAYS MEAN 'KILL' DUMBASS."

"I see."

"Just go back into your Katana form..."

"Understood... Master, may I ask thou why thou wanted to get away from that girl?"

"I-Isn't it obvious!? It's embarrassing!"

"However Master, I can sense the emotion of happiness in Master. Especially after thou was embraced by the gir-"

"WAHH! SAY NO MORE!"

...

...

Darkness was not asleep.

...

...

 _Happiness..? He was happy?!_

...

...

The door creaked open...

* * *

Koneko leered inside the room, she swore she just heard some noise. She noticed two bumps on the bed...

 _Jackpot._

She crept inside on her toes. She looked left, right, above, under to see if there were any traps... She continued creeping on towards the bed.

* * *

 _WHOA THIS IS SCARY!_

Kazuma was having a mental panic attack. He had just heard the door open and could currently hear slow footsteps heading there way. He pretended he was asleep. He tried to see the face of the intruder through the gap between the bottom of his eye and his eyelids.

* * *

Koneko was now on the side of the bed. She brought her face closer to the heads of the two people on the bed.

 _This person was... the blonde one! The person who barely did anything and just acted as a meatshield!... And this guy... was the idiot one!... Wait... this guy is..._

* * *

The intruder stuck his/her face near Darkness and Kazuma.

 _THIS IS SO SCARY_ _THIS IS SO SCARY_ _THIS IS SO SCARY_ _THIS IS SO SCARY AAAAAAHHHH* &%%^ $#%^*()!~...?..._

 _..._

 _Wait this girl is..._

* * *

 _The one who died a while ago..._

* * *

 _The girl that was in my class..._

* * *

"Ka...zuma?"

"..."

Koneko's hand crept towards Kazuma's face. A pink light flashes from behind Koneko, her instincts scream;

 _Danger!_

She bolts for the door and turns around. She sees a man who she hasn't seen before, he clad a gold-trimmed black Kimono and had a light pink glow on him.

"What does thou require from Master, Youkai?"

"!"

 _How did he know?... Where did he come from!?_

"I shall repeat, what does thou require from Master? Answer now."

"...Not...telling."

"Then die."

The unnamed Katana took a step forward and-

"WAAAAAIIITT!"

Kazuma sprang up from his bed.

"Oi, why is your default decision always 'killing'!?"

"Is there a problem Master?"

"YES! A VERY BIG PROBLEM! A VERY MAJOR ETHICAL PROBLEM!"

"...Kazuma... You're Kazuma aren't you?"

"..."

"You should be dead."

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"?"

"Who are you? Isn't it rude to ask for someone's name without introducing yourself first? Don't you have any manners? Huh, Huh!?"

"Tch, _I'm going to beat you up later_... My name is Koneko Toujou, the one who sat next to you in class, _Kazuma Satou_."

"Seriously, who is this 'Kazuma Satou'? My... My name is Kirigaya Kirito."

"..."

"And I'm a swordsman."

"..."

"Go back to your katana form."

"Affirmative."

The unnamed Katana turned back into his blade form and appeared in 'Kirito's hands.

"See? This is my sword."

"...That is a Katana...You said that was a Katana, just what is that Katana?"

"Hm? Then maybe you heard wrong. Are you stupid or something? Check your ears girly. _Hey, can you change your form into a sword or something?_ "

"No, I am unable to turn into any other form except my 'Human' form."

" _Damn it._ "

"..."

Koneko was getting angrier by the second.

"Hey if you're going to stand there and be silent, can you go away? Like, right now?"

"..."

Angrier.

"Turn around and shoo!"

And angrier.

"..."

"Earth to Koneko-chan? Hello? Are your brain cells working?"

Koneko was about to snap when suddenly a new voice called out;

"Oi Kazuma, your attitude is intolerable!"

"...?"

"D-D-Darkness? You were awake?!"

"Yes now stop trying to trick that child! Hey, Koneko-chan is it? That freak right in front of you is indeed called Kazuma."

"DARKNESS SHUT UP! You have the guts to call me a freak!? You molested me 5 minutes ago! FREAK!"

"Wha-Wha-Wha, I did not molest you! A-A-And you always look at me with weird eyes every time I get out of the shower!"

"I-I-I-I DO NOT! Oi! Just because you have a somewhat sexy body doesn't mean I always look at it! Don't let it get to your head, damn Masochist!"

"WHAT!?"

"HUH!?"

"So you are Kazuma aren't you?"

"...I... Yes, I am." Kazuma honestly said.

"How are you... still alive?"

"..."

"What do you mean? Kazuma, what is she saying?"

"...Koneko... Don't tell anyone about me. At least for now."

"Wha-"

"Please, go back."

Koneko saw the seriousness in his eyes. But more than that, she also saw the eyes of a cornered animal- those scared, helpless eyes stared back at the girl.

"...I...see..."

Koneko retreated back.

"..."

"Kazuma, what was that about?"

"...I'll tell you some other time."

 _...It seems that... I still can't get past my **'first'**_ _death..._

Kazuma shivered at the memory.

...

...

* * *

...

"Koneko-chan!" Issei shouted.

"Oh, hi Issei-senpai."

"Did you find anyone?"

"...Yes."

"What!? That's great! Who are they?"

"...Won't tell."

"?"

"Information Privacy."

"Oh, um. Okay."

...

...

Koneko and Issei made it back to the living room in which they departed from. In that room, Sirzechs was on the floor crying. Rias was sitting on a couch not so far away.

Just what how much verbal bullying and emotional damage did Sirzechs receive? Hell, Who knows.

"Koneko, Issei, you guys are back." Kiba said, "Did you find anyone?"

"Well apparently, Koneko-"

"No."

"?"

"Ahaha, that's a shame. I also had no such luck... I wonder where Akeno-senpai is..."

"Akeno? The last time I saw her, she was-"

"I'm~ back~!"

And there was Akeno, dragging a tied up, angry dark-brown haired girl. The girl was struggling ferociously.

"Lemmego!"

"Akeno, who have you brought back?"

"Well Rias, this cute girl's name is apparently Megumin. Quite a strange name isn't it?"

"Oi, what about my name! Say it again I dare you!"

"She's so cute~!"

Akeno hugged Megumin with all her might and chest.

"~~! I swear that all big breasted girls are idiots! Idiots!"

"...Megu...min?"

"Hm? Issei?"

"Why are you...here?"

"What do you mean why am I here?! This booby lady dragged me here!?"

"Issei you know this girl?" Rias asked.

"Yeah, she... She was in Kuoh town looking for... him."

"Him? Oh you mean K-"

"UNTIE HER NOW!" Sirzechs bellowed.

"N-Nii-sama?"

"Rias! Don't you recognise her? She's from the Crimson Demon Clan!"

"What!"

"She's a guest here!"

"Akeno!"

Hearing Rias calling her name, Akeno understood the message. She untied her captive. The captive stood up and shouted;

"Humph! You all should be grateful that I didn't reduce you all to smithereens!"

"I am deeply sorry Megumin-san. Do you want to plan where you want your Mansion now?"

"No! I am simply too angry to think! I demand an apology, from all you! Especially from this big breasted one!"

"Buchou. She's trying too hard to be angry."

"Sshhh Koneko, don't let her hear you."

...

...

* * *

...

...

Aqua was asleep in the wine cellar of the Gremory Mansion. The bottle she was using as a pillow rolled off, and Aqua hit her head on the cold, hard concrete floor.

"Wha! I'm awake I'm awake..."

Aqua lazily checked her surroundings.

Wine bottles and barrels. Hm. Nothing unusual here.

"I'm...awa..k...Kazuma is a dumb dumb."

Aqua went back to sleep.

...

...

* * *

...

...

"Ufufu! It's fine if you guys understand!" Megumin said, a little embarrased. She trotted back to her room.

"I can't believe we were forced to apologise 5 times..." Kiba uttered.

"Agree...d..."

"I wonder why she's here..."

"...Buchou, may I speak with you?"

"Hm Koneko?."

"Privately."

"Okay."

Rias and Koneko both exited the Mansion. They stopped in the humongous courtyard which was a decent distance from the building.

"What is it you want Koneko-chan?"

"Buchou... I am pretty sure I saw two, maybe three of the four masked people in that Mansion."

"...You must have a reason for not telling me."

"Yes... I... I have confirmed the identity of one of those people."

"..."

"But he really wants to conceal his identity. But If Buchou wishes for his name, I will give it to you."

"I see..." Rias turned around and headed back to the Mansion.

Koneko followed.

"Buchou, that person... we..."

"Hm? Did you say something Koneko?"

"...Nevermind."

The two resumed walking back.

Koneko looked down on the footpath as she thought about what she was about to say.

 _..._

 _...That person... we know him..._

 _..._

 _..._

* * *

 **Author's Notebook:**

 **Yay, I hit over 100 fav's!...**

 **...**

 **Sup.**

 **I was going to write something important but I forgot...**

 **Right.**

 **The Unnamed Katana...**

 **I will explain its 'Origins' later on in the story.**

 **...**

 **Just in case y'all confused, Issei and the Gang think Megumin is just a guest in the Mansion. They don't think she's part of the four masked people whom crashed the wedding party... Yet.**

 **Leave a Review. Peace.**


	8. The Gears of Time move onward

Hi. Konosuba crossover.

Idk.

 _Italics_ = Thoughts/Emphasis

 **Bold** = Loud person speaking/Loudness/Emphasis

Underline = Mainly Emphasis

* * *

'Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.'

* * *

In a situation where basically all the people you know think that you are dead, what would you do?

Kazuma was thinking hard while sitting on the couch with his legs and arms crossed.

On the couch inside the living room.

In the living room inside Megumin's Mansion.

Inside Megumin's mansion that was located in Kuoh town.

 _Sigh..._

Kazuma had 2 options; To reveal, or not to reveal that he is still alive.

...

...

 _Screw it, I'll leave this for the future me. Good luck future me!_

And so, Kazuma procrastinated.

"So Megumin, when was this Mansion made?"

"5 Hours ago."

"Haha right...?... NANI!?" (WHAT!?)

"No really. Apparently, That guy Sirzechs created the mansion himself 5 hours ago."

"5 hours ago by himself!? How!?"

"Magic."

"Ah."

Kazuma now understood the wonders and bullshitness of magic.

"...When are you going to stop eating?"

"Kazuma, that's a rude thing to say to your fiance."

?...!?

"What!? Fianc- Ohhh right... Nope, that's wrong. It is very wrong. No matter how many times I think this through, being engaged to a fourteen-year-old girl is oh so very wrong. Hell, being engaged at the age of sixteen is also wrong. You also think this too right, Megumin?"

Megumin was eating the snacks on the coffee table like a hungry squirrel.

"Nomnomnomnom"

Seeing Megumin vacuum the snacks into her mouth triggered a certain memory of Kazuma.

"Huh, you kinda remind me of Ko..."

"Hm? Did you 'nom' say some 'nom' thing?"

"Nothing..."

"Though I must say, this a very impressive mansion... even if it's made by a devil..."

"Darkness are you being racist again? Noone likes racist people you know?"

"K-Kazuma! I'm not ra...ci...st..." Her tone was getting quieter and quieter.

Yup, Darkness is racist. But could you blame her? Devils are the archenemy of the Christan belief, it should be normal for them to despise Devils...

Such were the thoughts of Kazuma.

"Scumuza! Are youuu thereee!?"

Suddenly out of nowhere. Aqua wandered in drunk with a rather large bottle in hand.

"Hahaha! This is awwwshhim! (awesome). Sirzechs-sama gave meh a whole wine cellar!"

"Aww that's great Aqua! Now go back to that cellar and stay there. Forever. Don't forget to lock yourself in!"

"Okaaaaayy!" replied the blue-haired drunkard.

It was going to be a while before she sobers up.

* * *

Kuoh academy was still in its semi-depressed state, it would take a long time for it to turn back to normal.

There still some people who visited his grave, almost all of the school population had been there before. The flowers were still fresh.

There were not many disturbances anymore- Kuoh Academy was noticeably quieter now. Before, the 'Perverted Quartet' would cause chaos and piss off all the girls in the school. But now there was no activity from those people. Once, a female student joked that the 'Perverted Quartet' is gone and is now the 'Perverted Trio'. Motohama got so angry that he nearly struck her, Matsuda and Issei held him back.

Koneko was sitting on the couch in the old school building.

She fiddled with her thumbs as she contemplated on what to do:

To reveal, or not to reveal that Kazuma is still alive.

The gloominess in her class was unbearable, it was very hard to focus in class. The seat that is next to her was empty, it used to occupy a certain brown-haired student. The empty desk served as a constant reminder to the class that a person they knew in their daily lives were no longer there with them, forever. Except, of course, Koneko who knows the secret.

If Koneko was to reveal that Kazuma was still alive, things would go back to normal. With the use of magic- brainwashing, it would be as if nothing happened. However, what would Kazuma himself think of it? What would his companions think? Would it be worth it...

But Issei would definitely be happy..

...

But...

...

Koneko munched on more cookies and calmed herself down.

She wasn't going to reveal that Kazuma is alive, for now...

* * *

"Dinner is ready, master. And others."

"Ah, thank you."

Wearing a frilly pink apron, the Unnamed Katana served food for Kazuma and co.

As expected, the food were all 'washoku' (Traditional Japanese cuisine).

"This is amazing!" Megumin exclaimed, "It looks delicious!"

"So this is Japanese cuisine... Absolutely splendid!"

"I want more wiiinnnneee."

Yes, Aqua sobered up before dinner.

"Thank you! Uhh... Katana-san? Argh, this is stupid. You have to have a name already."

"...A name?"

"It's so weird calling you 'Katana' every time. Oh! That's right, I'll give you a name!"

"..."

"Chunchunmaru!"

"..."

"Megumin, that's a bit-"

"Hey... this food..."

Darkness was cut off by Kazuma who had been silent for the past 5 minutes. His hair covered his eyes.

"Was it not to thou liking master?"

"No it's not that... What I want to say is that..."

Kazuma raised his head and looked at the Unnamed Katana/' **Chunchunmaru** ' straight in the eyes with dull eyes.

"...Where did you get all this food?"

"I found a food source not so far away from here. For some reason, the ingredients were all stacked in strangely organised places."

"...Oh my God."

All the blood drained from Kazuma's face.

"You stole from a supermarket."

Everyone stopped eating.

Except Aqua.

* * *

"Ddraig..."

[ **Yes Issei?** ]

"Is there... a way to get stronger?"

[ **Issei just train your physical body with all your might and aim for balacne brea-** ]

"It's not enough!"

[ **...** ]

Issei was at home in his room. It was late at night as he conversed with his inner Dragon.

"Sorry... It's just that, I couldn't protect my master, Rias. I couldn't beat Riser and I couldn't... I just can't do anything... I feel so powerless..."

[ **Issei...** ]

"What if an opponent even stronger the balance breaker comes?... I was scared you know, Afraid of losing another person that I hold dear, again. I... I don't want to feel like this anymore. Not after Kazuma..."

[ **We are one Issei, I know how you feel...** ]

Ddraig paused.

[ **If you're willing to go to extremes, I can show you a technique to make you stronger in battle.** ]

"R-Really?"

[ **Yes. It's a process that is extremely dangerous- You can lose your life if you doing this.** ]

Issei took a deep breath and readied his answer.

"...I am prepared. If it is a power that I can use to protect what I hold dear, I am willing to go to 'extremes'. "

[ **Very well. It's a forbidden technique called 'Dragonfication'. You will temporarily turn into a Dragon and gain the powers of one.** ]

"Dragon!?"

[ **The Dragon that you will turn into is me. Of course, the size of the body will be determined by your power level and vitality. ****But there are obvious and major drawbacks. The first one is that that you will heavily strain your body once you return back to your human form, It may leave you unable to move.** ]

"I see."

[ **Secondly, any injuries sustained in your Dragon form will affect your human form.** ]

"..."

[ **Thirdly and lastly...Your soul may perish the moment you enter your Dragon form.** ]

"What!"

[ **My soul connects with yours through the scared gear. And the moment they merge, Dragonfication occurs and your body starts changing into my body. However, the process of merging the souls together may end up in having your soul getting overwhelmed by my soul and thus, perishing.** ]

"I see why this is forbidden."

[ **Though there are two keys to having a strong soul. The first key is that you have refined 'mind', the Second key is that you have an unwavering will- A strong will.** ]

"Then I can do it! I'll prove that I can!"

[ **I love your enthusiasm...However, before you learn this technique. learn to maintain the balance breaker first!** ]

"What."

[ **If you can't access balance breaker, you have no chance of Dragonfication. But for now, go to sleep.** ]

"Sigh, Okay..."

And so, Issei dozed off.

...

...

...

 _ **The truth is... we've already merged souls not once, but twice...**_

 _ **The stronger soul forms the body and the weaker soul aids it. Only one soul takes over the body and it is usually the stronger one, however, the weaker soul can also take over if the stronger soul allows it...**_

...

...

 _ **Maybe I need to step up my game, huh...**_

...

...

...

* * *

A week later after they moved into Megumin's newly constructed Mansion, Kazuma and co have finally adjusted to their living space. They received living allowances from Sirzechs and the Unnamed Katana/' **Chunchunmaru** ' finally understood what supermarkets are.

However...

"Kazuma..."

"What now Darkness?, if it's the bondage rope I found in your room I already know so don't worry."

"Wh-Wh-What!"

"O-Oi, you actually have it!? I was just talking out of my ass!"

"No Of course not!..."

Darkness regained her composure.

"Look, I think there's a problem with you Kazuma."

"Oh yeah?"

"You haven't been outside once in this past week."

"Oh, yeah..."

"Why?"

Darkness moved closer, and the distance between their faces lessened.

 _HER FACE I SSO CLLLOOOOOOSSSEE! IMMADIENOW~!_

Megumin walked in on the two and from her perspective-

"?... Whaa! Kazuma and Darkness are kissing!"

""?""

Kazuma and Darkness looked at the explosion girl with a confused expression.

"I've always heard some strange noises and movement in the night from Kazuma's room, but could it have been that, you two..."

"Strange noises and movement?"

"WAAAHHH! YOU HEARD NOTHING, YOU KNOW NOTHING!"

"Kazuma, what does she mean by 'strange noises and movement'?"

Kazuma's face went crimson as he stuttered.

"I...uh, I... SHUT UP!"

Embarrassed, Kazuma opened and ran out the window.

 **THUD!**

From the second floor.

"...At least he's outside now."

"D-Darkness, Are you and Kazuma... really..."

"What! N-No..."

.

..

...

...

..

.

Kazuma rubbed his sore head as he walked down a random road under the night sky.

"Damn it, how did Megumin know? She's doesn't even sleep in the room next to me..." Kazuma sighed audibly, "It's going to awkward when I get back...

Kazuma took a left on the street he was walking only to see two individuals, with swords, fighting.

Kazuma immediately did a 180 turn, boarded the Nope train and got out of sight.

"...Sigh...NANI THE FUCK WAS THAT!?"

He peered over the corner.

Upon further inspection, he noticed that one of the individuals was a white-haired, maniacal-looking guy wearing exorcist clothes with a weird ass sword. The other individual was a blonde-haired guy who wore the Kuoh Academy uniform who was also wielding a weird ass sword. He seemed pretty familiar... Oh, and there was a dead body on the floor, it looked like he had priest clothes. But that wasn't important...

The two stopped fighting.

The two were looking at Kazuma.

...

 _"_ Uhh...Hi?"

"Ooh? Do we have a witness? That's not good, that's not good at all! I guess it's time to... **CUT'EM UP!** "

Shit.

 _Shit._

"SHIT!"

 _DASH!_

Kazuma ran like the wind. Really slow wind- A gentle breeze?

The maniacal white-haired dude was catching up.

"Heeeyy! Stop running, I'll just stab ya a few hundred times~!"

"Wait Freed! Your opponent is me!"

 _Why am I so slow! I should've exercised more... THERE'S NO TIME TO THINK! GAH 2u9*( &*!_

 _"_ AAAAAAAAHHHHHHG! HAAALLLPPP!"

And as if on cue, the unnamed Katana/' **Chunchunmaru** ' in sword form appeared in his hands.

"Are thou safe master!?"

"AAAAAAAHHHH!"

Panicking, Kazuma threw his weapon away.

' **Chunchunmaru** ' dropped to the floor and clanged uselessly on the side of the road.

"Ha! I've got you now- BLEH!"

The white-haired exorcist was tripped up by the Kuoh Academy uniform wearing blonde.

Kazuma still continued running.

"THHAAAAaaannnks..s..."

"Freed Sellzen, tell me where you got the sword!"

"Okay, okay... "

Freed Sellzen slowly got up, Kazuma was nowhere to be seen.

"It's..."

"It's?"

"Psych!"

Freed whipped out a flash bomb and when all the light disappeared, he was gone.

All that was left was the blonde Kuoh Academy student and a dead priest a few streets away.

"Damn it He got away!" He kicked the wall in anger. The night coldness helped calm him down.

He leaned against a light pole as he thought about the escapee.

"But...That boy earlier...was he...No, that's impossible... But..."

The blonde haired guy identified as Kiba raised his hand to his cut mark on his shoulder.

"That voice, it was undoubtedly..." Kiba looked up at the cloudy night sky. "Kazuma."

.

..

...

...

..

.

"Okay, FUCK THAT! That was scary... Maybe I should learn some offensive magic...?"

Kazuma had made it back safely.

"S-S-So the 'Strange noises and movement' actually mean..."

Darkness who was blushing madly faced Kazuma.

"..."

 _Fuck my life._

...

* * *

THE NEXT DAY

"So... does anyone know any offensive spells or magic that they can teach me?"

Kazuma's question caught the attention of everyone.

Megumin was the first to answer.

"Explosion mag-"

"No."

Megumin sat in a corner.

"How about you Darkness?"

"I know a little Holy Magic."

"Holy Magic? That's amazing! Teach me!"

"About that... Only people who are in the Christain belief or are born with Light energy can use Holy magic."

"That's disappointing..."

"I-It's not like you need magic! Although I can use Holy magic, I prefer using my sword and body, Especially my body."

"Moving on." Kazuma didn't want to hear any more words from Darkness' mouth, "What about you?"

"I'm afraid that I cannot teach Master any magic." The unnamed Katana/' **Chunchunmaru** ' said, "I came into existance with these powers."

"That's unfortunate... Aqua?"

"Nope."

"..."

"Well, there is one thing."

"Really?"

"Yeah! Water magic."

Kazuma gave a little thought before answering.

"Sure why not. It's not the exact thing I'm looking for but magic is magic I guess."

And so, the rest of the Kazuma's day was spent on learning Water magic from a Water Goddess.

Of course, Aqua's lessons were not high quality.

...

30 Miniutes later

"And then you stick your hand out, gather your magic into your hand and go BAM!"

"What do you mean by 'BAM!'?"

"BAM! means BAM! You're so useless."

"WHAT? You're just a shitty teacher!"

"Huh!? **I'm** the one teaching you magic asshole!"

"You're just incapable!"

Eventually and surely, Kazuma got it in the end.

Kind of.

...

He didn't.

...

* * *

Rossweisse rubbed her temples and sighed. Today was a hard day for her.

Odin was on edge ever since his son, the sinister one, Loki had come to greet.

Many people were worried, the Valkyries even more so. Literally all the Valkyries asked Rossweisse, who was the 'Bodyguard' of Odin, if he was alright or not.

Tonight she was finally going to ask him what the problem is.

"Odin-sama."

"Ah, Rossweisse. What do you need?"

No teasing or joking around. Odin was definitely out of character.

"Odin-sama, I mean no offence but you seem to be on edge recently." Rossweisse boldly stated, "Is there a problem? How can I help?"

"...It's not...It's not a thing where you can help Rossweisse." Odin took a deep breath, "Rossweisse, if an all scale grand war were to happen between the Devils, Fallen Angels and Angels, what do you think you should do?"

"I... do not know... Is this perhaps what you have been worrying about?"

"No, I already know what to do when that situation occurs. I am worried about if and when it happens... And the casualties that wil..."

Odin gazed at Rossweisse straight in the eyes.

"War, is not fun you know?"

Rossweisse understood how serious Odin was. He was usually never like this.

"I understand."

"I see..."

"Is there anything I could do to help you Odin-sama?"

"Well, there is one thing..."

Rossweisse leaned in closer.

"Yes?"

Odin had a small smile.

"Get a boyfriend."

"..."

Rossweisse left the room.

Odin chuckled.

 _._

 _.._

 _..._

 _..._

 _.._

 _._

Later that night in Rossweisse's bedroom.

A flushed, drunk Rossweisse was all by herself in her bedroom drinking the finest beer that Asgard offered.

"J-J-Just because I-I don't have a boyyfriend...Fools..."

Rossweisse took another large gulp from the bottle.

"Boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend... Kazuma? He literally stole m-my panties so does that c-c-count?...?"

Of course, no one answered. As no one was in the room besides herself.

"Yeah that's right! Kazuma's my... Kazuma's...my... Ka...zum is my... Boy..."

Rossweisse collapsed onto the bed.

"Boyfriend...Hehe...BLAARRGH!"

And then she started vomiting.

* * *

 **Author's Notebook:**

 **So if you still don't get Issei's sudden power in chapter 6. Here's a quick explanation. Skip if you know. Read to check your hypothesis. Ddraig mentions that they have in fact, merged souls before not once, but twice. When this happened, it turned out that Issei's soul was the stronger one and so he retained his human form, Ddraig's soul was the weaker one. When souls share/merge, they get the weakness' and strengths of both bodies. So Issei gained the power of Ddraig, but he didn't have a sound mind so he couldn't access the full power. (He was insanely angry for both occasions).**

 **Dragonfication is the name of the process when the host turns into a dragon, this means that the dragon has the stronger soul as he forms the body. (Host transforms into a dragon.)**


	9. The Two Exorcists

**The Exorcists**

 **Sorry pals for the late update. I was having a (real time) holiday. Heh.**

Hi. Konosuba crossover.

Idk.

 _Italics_ = Thoughts/Emphasis

 **Bold** = Loud person speaking/Loudness/Emphasis

Underline = Mainly Emphasis

* * *

'Why are buildings called buildings when they are already built?'

* * *

"What business do you have in my territory?" Rias politely asked.

"We have no reason to tell you, Devil."

"Xenoviaa~"

Currently, Rias and her peerage and two exorcists identified and Xenovia Quarta and Irina Shidou were in the Old school building.

"This is their territory, we should at least tell them what we are doing right?"

Xenoiva sighed.

"Fine... Our main objective is to retrieve and get back the three Excalibur fragments which have been stolen by Fallen Angels."

"Stolen!?"

"Yes... Although there are rumours that instead of the Fallen Angels, two human adventurers were the actual culprits."

"Rumours are rumours Irina, don't believe in everything other people say."

After a pause, Rias asked;

"...I see. What would you like us to do?"

"The problem at hand is between us and the Fallen Angels. We do not need Devils in this town to interfere."

"Very well."

"...There's one thing..." Irina cleared her throat, "There's actually o~ne thing we want your help with."

Irina takes out a picture from her pocket.

"Our secondary objective is this- We want your help to find Lady Lalatina Ford Dustiness. Her father requests her presence immediately."

"That name sounds... familiar...! She couldn't be?" Rias gasped.

"Yes... We want your help to find the Pope's daughter," Irina answered.

...

 _That face..._

Koneko thought.

 _I've seen that face before. How did I not realise... I_

She gazed at the picture of a smiling blonde.

...

* * *

"Achoo!" Darkness sneezed.

"Hm? Do you have a cold Darkness? Perverts don't get colds you know?"

"Your verbal harassment is sharp as always Kazuma."

"Heh."

"KAZUMA! TRAINING!"

Kazuma groaned.

Kazuma had a lot of troubles learning water magic, one of those troubles was his teacher.

"I regret this decision already."

"Oh, then learn explosion mag-"

And so, Kazuma resumed training water magic with Aqua.

.

..

...

...

..

.

Kazuma was by no means **good** at water magic.

In fact, he was downright awful.

"Put more magic into it!"

"I'M TRYING GOD DAMN IT!"

But all Kazuma could manage was a weak splurt of water coming out of hand.

"AHAHAHA That's pathetic!"

"NNNNnnnGGGH!"

* * *

"This sucks, Aqua sucks, I suck." Kazuma mumbled, "Is there any other way I can learn god damn water magic!?"

Suddenly a familiar magic circle appeared in Kazuma's room.

"Wha-"

In front of him was Sirzechs Lucifer himself.

"Hi, I'm here to give you guys your money again. Here's 10 Billion Yen."

Kazuma smiled from ear to ear.

"That's right! Sirzechs-sama, please teach me water magic!"

"?"

.

..

...

...

..

.

As of now, Kazuma was in the grand Sitri courtyard with Sirzechs and one other Devil.

"Serafall, this is Kazuma, Kazuma, this is Serafall. Kazuma, she is going to be your new teacher for water magic."

"..."

"Who is this human boy Sirzechs-chan? Hehe, he looks cute!"

Kazuma shuddered.

"S-S-Sirzechs-sama? Who is this? Why is she in a Magical girl outfit?"

Ignoring Kazuma, Sirzechs answered Serafall.

"Serafall, this is one of the four 'Heroes' who saved Rias from her engagement."

Serafall's eyes shone.

"Really!? I've always wanted to meet them in person!"

Serafall grabbed Kazuma's hand and (violently) shook it.

"Um, Sirzechs-sama? Is it okay to tell her?"

"Oh don't worry about Serafall. She won't tell anyone. Besides, she's one of the Four great Satans of the Devils."

"No promises!"

"Haha, don't worry. You can trust Serafall."

Kazuma wasn't listening.

"One of the... Four...Great Satans...?"

"Yes. Now, I have some other matters to deal with. Bye Bye~"

And just like that, Sirzechs was gone. Leaving a panicking Kazuma and smiling Serafall.

* * *

After reading Sirzechs' letter regarding the location of Kazuma and what he is doing, Megumin, Darkness and Aqua were left alone with nothing to do.

"To think that Kazuma ran away from my lessons really makes me angry. He better ready for a good ass whooping when he comes back."

Megumin and Darkness sighed.

"Oh yeah, by the way where's that Katana of his?"

"?"

The unnamed katana/' **Chunchunmaru** ' was nowhere to be found.

* * *

"Concentrate. Feel the magic coursing through you, and once you have grasped that feeling. Channel that magic into your hands."

 _Concentrate_ she said.

 _How the hell do I ' **Concentrate** ' when your BOOBS ARE IN MY FACE!... Not complaining though._

"Begone Devil scum!"

The unnamed katana/' **Chunchunmaru** ' appeared out of thin air and pulled Kazuma behind itself.

"Master, are thou safe!?"

"Wha?"

Suddenly massive pillars of ice emerged from beneath the unnamed katana/' **Chunchunmaru** '.

"Don't interrupt my lesson!"

The ice totally encased the unnamed katana/' **Chunchunmaru** '.

"Phew...Now, let's go back to where we were shall we?"

Kazuma had a face like a gaping fish.

CRACK...CRACK

"Hm?"

The ice that trapped the Katana had formed many cracks and were steadily growing.

CRACK... **CRACK!**

The unnamed katana/' **Chunchunmaru** ' broke free of the ice prison and launched itself at Serafall.

"Die."

Serafall dodged out of the way and created distance.

"Hmph, I haven't fought in a while. Maybe I'll go semi-serious..."

A whirlwind of freezing air circled Serafall, her hair fluttered and the temperature in the courtyard had dropped predominantly.

In turn, the unnamed katana/' **Chunchunmaru** ' gave out a powerful, pink aura of his own.

Kazuma never knew that pink was such a menacing colour.

Kazuma shook his head and shouted.

"SSSSTTTTTAAAAAAHHHPPP!"

And as if a switch was flipped off, the two incredible auras were gone.

"Master?"

"Kazuma-chan?"

Kazuma grasped his hair with both his hands.

"Just stop..."

.

..

...

...

..

.

"Ohhh~ I see. So this thing was the Katana that Sirzechs always kept." Serafall remarked, "Don't worry, I won't hurt Kazuma-chan."

"Why should I listen to thou words, Devil?"

"Ugh just shut up."

"Affirmative, Master."

Serafall laughed out loud.

"Just-Just go back to the mansion."

"But master-"

"Do you want me to call you Chunchunmaru?"

The unnamed katana/' **Chunchunmaru** ' paused.

"...If you need me, wish for my presence and I will appear. Goodbye, Master."

The unnamed katana/' **Chunchunmaru** ' disappeared in pink particles.

"..."

"...So, you want to resume our lesson?"

"...yeah."

* * *

Magic exhaustion hit Kazuma like a brick to the face.

* * *

"I'm home."

"Sona-tan~!"

"?!"

Serafall jump hugged her little sister.

"You're back~~!"

"Nee-san!"

The usually straight-faced Sona Sitri struggled in her Sister's tight grasp.

"I love you sooooo much!"

"N-Nee-san, why are you here!?"

"Hm? Oh! I'm taking care of this human boy called Ka... oops! I nearly said his name~"

"You're taking care of a boy?"

"Yup! He fainted from Magic exhaustion while I was training him and I'm taking care of him until he wakes up."

"You're training someone? A human too? Just who is he?"

"Heehee! That's a seeecret! But what I can tell you is that he is one of the four masked 'Heroes' who saved your friend Rias!"

"What."

"Wait here, I'm going to go check on his condition. I'll be right back!"

.

..

...

...

..

.

Black feathers. Blood. A cruel smile.

A memory that Kazuma couldn't let go of.

it was all coming back to him. The hole in his stomach, the blood that stained the ground.

It was all oh so vivid. The emotion of fear, the feeling of despair, and the sensation of _pain_.

it was getting more difficult to breathe. His vision was fading away.

 _I'm dying. I'm dying, someone, anyone... hel...p...m..._

Pitch black darkness.

...

"Ah Aaaaaahhh!"

"Whoa calm down there buddy."

Kazuma woke up to an extreme close up face of Serafall Leviathan.

"Wha!?"

Supirised, Kazuma jolted up and accidentally headbutted Serafall on the forehead..

This knocked Kazuma out cold.

Recovering from the headbutt, Serafall once again checked on her student.

"He's unconscious, again...Oops."

Serafall ruffled Kazuma's hair before exiting the room.

...

"He's still sleeping so don't worry about him~? Sona? Sona-tan? Where are you?"

...

Sona took a deep breathe and twisted the door knob.

"This is it, Sorry for intruding!"

She opened the door and saw...

An empty bed.

* * *

"Oh shit where am I."

Kazuma recovered from an instant knockout in record time and wandered aimlessly inside the mansion.

However, maybe because he recovered from the knockout so quickly (or because of the amount of head injuries he has sustained), Kazuma gained temporary Amnesia.

"Who...am I?"

"Sona-tan, Sona-tan!"

In the distance, the Amnesiac Kazuma heard the voice calling out 'Sona-tan' multiple times.

"Am I Sona?... No..." Amnesiac Kazuma decided that he should stay away from the creepy voice and try find a way out.

After Random decisions of going left and right, amnesiac Kazuma stumbled upon a room that said 'Sona' on the door.

"This is... this is the name that the voice shouted out earlier. Is this my key to get out of here?"

Kazuma gently pushed opened the door and peeked; Course clear.

He fully opened the door and analysed the room. From what Kazuma observed, the room was very clean and it supposedly was the room of 'Sona'.

"There must be a clue here..."

What kind of clue? Kazuma didn't know.

He opened all the drawers and closets until he found two items that captured his interest. One was a piece of hard paper that had wrote 'Emergency escape transport' on it and the other was a box with an old label that said 'Pa###es'. For some reason, Kazuma felt a deep connection between him and the box. But the piece of paper intrigued him more.

"Emergency escape transport? What could that mean..."

Kazuma flipped the piece of paper and two things occurred straight after.

First, he saw a blue magic circle shine as bright as stars on the piece of paper.

Second, he was in an unfamiliar (yet familiar) place yet again- It seems that Kazuma has teleported.

The paper was gone now, nowhere to be seen. Kazuma clutched the box to his chest and wondered what the fuck had just happened.

 _Was that magic!? Wut. Magic exists!? W-Where am I now?_

In big bold letters, Kazuma noticed the sign which indicated where he was.

'Student Council'

 _The student council room... which means this is a school... What school?_

Hesistantly, Kazuma exited the room. He realised the sky was orange and that it was already evening. He wandered around the school campus until he spotted a figure in the distance.

 _That girl, she's wearing uniform...? Wait, that means she probably goes to this school... maybe I should at least ask her where I am right now._

Kazuma approaches the girl hurriedly.

"Hey uh miss. Do you perhaps know where I- We are?"

Kazuma asked in the most polite and friendly way.

In response, the girl turned pale, opened her mouth and screamed.

"KYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

"What the!"

After 2 seconds of solid screeching, the girl ran in the opposite direction of Kazuma.

"...Am I scary?"

Kazuma became more confused and clutched the box in his hands even tighter. Like a magic charm, the box calmed him down.

"Maybe I should stay away from people..."

* * *

Koneko ran full speed toward the scent.

* * *

Kazuma decided to wander around more while keeping his distance from students who were hanging around after school.

He looked at his reflection on a window, Amnesic Kazuma didn't think he was scary. His looks were not the best but definitely not the worst. Maybe it was the clothes he was wearing?

Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap.

Amnesic Kazuma heard footsteps as it increased in volume.

Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap.

The footsteps were getting louder and louder. It was going towards him!

And there, a white-haired petite girl wearing the same uniform the girl who screamed wore, stood there with shock on her face.

Kazuma instinctively covered his face, he didn't want people turning pale and screaming after all.

"You, this smell. Why are you here?"

Kazuma peeked through the haps between his arms.

"Y-You're not scared of me?"

"Scared?"

Koneko took a step forward.

Kazuma took a step back.

Koneko took another step forward.

Kazuma fucking ran.

Like a game of _cat_ and mouse. Koneko chased Kazuma down.

"Why are you chasing me!?"

"Why are you running?"

Before Amnesic Kazuma knew it, Koneko was right beside him, running.

Koneko grabbed Kazuma by the collar and stopped his movement.

"Gah! L-Let me go!"

"No."

Kazuma struggled in Koneko's iron grip.

"How is a small girl like you so strong!"

"Small?"

The iron grip turned into a titanium grip.

"Ow ow ow! Please let me go! I don't know who you are but please let me go!"

"Don't know?"

"Huh? I don't even know who I am! How would I know you!?"

"You. You are not joking?..."

It as just then, they both heard a figure approaching.

"This scent, Issei-Senpai!"

"Essay Oppai?"

Koneko dumped (slam dunked) Kazuma into a nearby trash can and completely concealed him.

"Stay silent."

No reply.

"Koneko-chan! Why would you run off like that!?" It was a voice very familiar to Kazuma, he wanted to see the owner of the voice.

"...Forgot something..."

"You forgot something? Oh, well. Let's go. Saji and the others are waiting- we need to convince Kiba!"

Kazuma tried to peek out the trash can. Keyword 'tried'.

Koneko thrusted her palm into Kazuma's head and pushed him further down the trash can.

"Uh what are you doing?"

"I'm throwing away rubbish."

"Uhhh."

"Please go on ahead Issei-Senpai. I'll catch up soon after."

"Are you su-"

"Yes."

"... Okay. Be quick!"

Issei ran off.

After a couple of seconds, Koneko picked Kazuma out for the trash can.

Amnesic Kazuma leans against the trash can and utters;

"What. Was. That.. For..."

"Sorry."

An awkward silence...

...

...

"Do you know me?"

To Amnesic Kazuma's sudden question, Koneko tilted her head.

"I mean, if you treat me like this you must know me right?"

"...Yes."

"Great. Um, who am I?"

"...You are..."

He waited anxiously for his identity revelation.

"Kazuma. Kazuma Satou."

And like a tidal wave, all the memories crashed into his head.

* * *

"Huh? Where is he?"

"Oh no! Where did my cute Kazuma-chan go?!"

"Kazuma?"

"Ooops. You heard nothing!"

"Kazuma..."

"Noooo! Don't tell anyone or Sirzechs is going to get mad at me!"

"That name...No, it's just a coincidence.."

"Noooo! Stop thinking about him! If you forget about it now I'll hug and love you forever!"

Sona went to her room.

"Don't ignore me!"

-Less than one minute later-

"N-Nee-san! Did you enter my room!"

"Hm? What's wrong?"

Serafall walked all the way to Sona Sitri's room.

"What's the matter Sona-tan?"

When Serafall entered the room, she knew exactly what the matter was.

All of the drawers in Sona's room were opened and the room itself was in a mess.

"It must've been that Kazuma guy you were training earlier."

"Kazuma-chan did this?...I don't think he would've done it without reason..."

"No it has to be him..."

...

...

After a solid two minutes of searching for any missing items Sona came to a halt.

"What's wrong? Do you know what's missing?"

"Y-Yes."

The usually straight-faced Sona Sitri was now blushing fiercely while trembling as she adjusted her glasses.

"T-There are two things that were taken. The first thing he took was the Emergency escape transport magic ticket...and...and the s-second thing he took was...was..."

Sona was as red as a tomato as she adjusted her glasses for a second time.

* * *

Koneko was worried for Kazuma who was clutching his head in pain as he writhed on the floor. He held the cardboard box he brought with him tightly into his chest. The box is now almost completely crushed.

"You...Okay?"

"Ah...yeah...!? Koneko why are you here!? Wait, this place. This is Kuoh Academy!?"

"Kazuma?"

"Why am I here? Why are you here? What's happening?"

"...Those are all questions I want to ask you...What do you remember last?"

"I was training with... I was training and I suddenly blacked out. I can't remember anything from there... Did, did you kidnap me?"

"No."

"Oh."

"...What is that you are holding?

Koneko pointed at the crushed cardboard box in Kazuma's hands.

"Hm? This? I don't know either..."

Kazuma slowly opened the box that had the label that wrote 'Pa###es'.

* * *

"Was...Was...my whole box of..."

Sona adjusted her glasses for a third time.

* * *

Kazuma opened the box revealing a whole variety of...

* * *

"Panties!"

* * *

It was a truly great spectacle to see, at least for Kazuma.

Koneko gave a cold glare towards Kazuma.

It was all rather confusing why he had a whole box of panties but he wasn't complaining.

Koneko gave a(nother) cold glare towards Kazuma.

* * *

 **Author's Notebook:**

 **Hey. Kazuma took Sona's panties. A whole box of 'em. Hurrhurr.**

 **The next few chapters are going to be slightly more interrrresting. The plot moves onward?!**

 **Kazuma has had enough, how will he get home?**


	10. The Cat

Hi. Konosuba crossover.

Idk.

Italics = Thoughts/Emphasis

 **Bold** = Loud person speaking/Loudness/Emphasis

Underline = Mainly Emphasis

* * *

'The awkward moment that occurs straight after you say "Watch where you're going!" To a blind guy.'

* * *

"Pervert."

"Now wait just a minute, dear Koneko-san. I also don't know why I have this."

"Degenerate."

"..."

Koneko's harsh words had no effect on Kazuma.

"Scum."

"..."

Koneko's harsh words had little effect on Kazuma.

"Filth."

"Whaaa! I get it! But I really don't know why I have this in my hands!"

Koneko would've glared at Kazuma more If she had she had time, unfortunately, Koneko had no time at all.

"I need to go..."

"Ah yeah, go ahead."

"..."

Koneko had an uneasy expression on her face. Kazuma smirked.

"Are you worried about me?"

"No. Go die."

"Already have."

"?"

Kazuma walked off from the scene.

.

..

...

...

..

.

"Oi Chunchunmaru!"

Appearing in bright pink particles, the Unnamed Katana/' **Chunchunmaru** ' appeared in front of Kazuma.

"Please refrain from using that word master, Wha-This place is!"

"Yeah, I don't know why I'm here too."

"I never should've trusted that Devil!"

"Cool, whatever. Can't you teleport us back to the mansion?"

"No, I do not have such powers, Master."

"Huh? Then how do you get here?"

"I can only teleport myself."

"..."

Kazuma thought deeply about his situation.

"Do you know the way to the mansion?"

"I'm afraid not, master."

"...Let's just walk around until we see a familiar road."

Kazuma's plan was a simple plan, there weren't any major flaws. Even if they got lost it wasn't too bad since they were in a town.

Covering his face with his arms to hide his identity, Kazuma and the Unnamed Katana/' **Chunchunmaru** ' went on their tiny adventure to return back to the mansion. It should've been easy considering Kazuma's knowledge of the area.

But of course, this is Kazuma we're talking about.

Nothing is ever easy for poor Kazuma.

Ever.

* * *

"H-He cut my absorption line!?" Saji cried.

"Hmmm I see I see. By bringing up the holy elements I can power up more?...Ahaha isn't that perfect!? Thanks Valper!" Freed laughed maniacally, "Why don't you become prey for my sword you shitty Devils!"

Freed launched himself at Kiba but in the nick of time, Xenovia received Freeds sword with her own.

"Xenovia?" Issei said surprised.

"Yoohoo! I'm here too!"

"Irina-san!?" Saji said, "How come-"

"I called them." Koneko answered, "It's what we promised right?"

...

...

...

 _Wha-wha What is it with this sichhhuuuuaaaaesshhhoonnn! (Situation)_

Kazuma peeked over the wall and saw the whole fight develop before him.

 _I thought fireworks were happening here and I see this!?_

"Hmmm? What is this presence... You over there! Show yourself!" Freed exclaimed.

Frozen in place, Kazuma couldn't move or say anything.

 _Oh no, it's this guy..._

"If you're not going to show yourself self... I'll make you do it!"

Freed ran full speed toward Kazuma, Valper had already escaped via teleportation.

He didn't get it, did he have good luck or bad luck? Such were the thoughts of Kazuma as he ran like a bitch.

"Master! Leave this to me!"

Without any hesitation, Kazuma replied;

"YUP!"

And so, Kazuma ran further than the eye can see...

"You're in the way!"

Freed slashed at the Unnamed Katana/' **Chunchunmaru** ' whom merely blocked with the palm of its hand.

"Wha-"

The Unnamed Katana/' **Chunchunmaru** ' immediately ducked down and punched full force into Freed's stomach, causing him to slam down to the ground.

"Guh!"

Clutching his stomach with one hand and holding the holy sword with the other, Freed coughed out blood and snarled.

"Get him!"

Hearing Issei's voice beside him, Freed clenched his teeth and took out a flash bomb.

"You all better remember this!"

And in a literal flash, Freed was gone.

"...He escaped...Valper too..." Kiba muttered.

"Who are you?" Xenovia exclaimed, "And how did you stop a holy blade with just your hands!?"

The Unnamed Katana/' **Chunchunmaru** ' stood silent and disappeared in pink particles.

"!?"

"How did he!?... There should've been another person, where is he?" Issei asked.

To which Irina responded;

"He must've escaped."

"I guess any normal person would..."

"..."

"..."

"Guys..." Issei grabbed the attention of everyone.

"We need to make sure to not involve innocent people next time... Not... again..."

"..."

* * *

Taking in deep breaths, Kazuma leaned against a light pole and flicked away the sweat on his forehead.

"Oh great... Now I'm even more lost..."

Materialising in pink particles, the Unnamed Katana/' **Chunchunmaru** ' appeared.

"Ah! Chunchunmaru!? Are you alright!?"

"I am fine master, but please do not call me by that name."

Ignoring his weapon, Kazuma asked his blade;

"Chunchunmaru, do you recognise this area?"

"I do not have any recollection of walking this road...Please do not call me by that name."

"..."

"..."

"...Whelp. We're lost..."

"Hey kid!"

"!"

From across the street, a man with weird half blonde, half black haired called out to Kazuma and his human form Katana.

"You guys lost?"

"Well, yeah kind of."

"Really? Just stay at my place then, free of charge."

"Uhh."

The Unnamed Katana/' **Chunchunmaru** ' whispered into Kazuma's ear.

"Master, we shouldn't trust this man. He has an oddly evil aura."

"I somehow agree with you. Let's go."

Kazuma faced the weird man and stated;

"I'm okay, so don't worry thank you."

"Are you sure? I'll even supply food?"

"Uh no, you look shadier than high-quality sunglasses."

"What."

Kazuma power-walked his fastest in his entire life to get away from the strange man.

...

...

...

"Did you think that calling out to a random teenager would work?"

"Shut up Vali."

"If I were that boy I would've called the police."

"Boy? He's probably one year younger than you."

"Doesn't make it any less creepy Azazel."

The man identified as Azazel sighed.

"...'You look shadier than high-quality sunglasses.'."

"Vali."

Vali chuckled.

"Why did you even call out to them Azazel? They didn't look particularly strong."

"It was the taller one who captured my interest, he's got some type of aura."

"Aura?"

"Don't play dumb Vali, you know you felt it... He's got a type of aura that I haven't felt in a long time..." Azazel looked up towards the night sky. "...An aura similar to a Shinto God."

* * *

AROUND 2 HOURS EARLIER!

Sona and Serafall had teleported to the student council room.

"This is the last possible place that the 'Emergency escape transport' magic ticket could've teleported him."

"Yes, I know. The ticket sends the user to 1 out of 5 chosen places at random, but...W-Where, where is he!?"

"Sona-tan, I think we should give up. It's already dark and you need to get home."

"I! No, my panties... My panties!"

With a red face, Sona started crying.

...

She eventually gave up and went back home...

...

* * *

"We've been walking for a long time now, are you sure we're not walking in circles?"

"I am confident that we have not. Master, if you are tired would like me to carry you?"

Kazuma stared blankly at his human formed Katana.

"...Just what do you think pride is..."

"Did you say something Master?"

"Nothing, I don't need your help...Hey, wait. Is that our mansion!?"

"I believe so."

"We did iiittt!"

Kazuma happily ran back 'home' to the idiots he calls companions.

"You're late Kazuma! Weren't you training with a Devil or something?"

"If you were any later, I would've personally go to the underworld, find you, and I would-"

Megumin was interrupted by Darkness.

"Oh thank God you're back! I was really worried about you."

"...Don't say things that would trick people into thinking that you like them..."

"What?"

"Nothing."

Kazuma had finally made it home from all the unnecessary chaos...

...

But the unnecessary chaos would soon take him back.

...

* * *

The next morning... The next extremely early morning...

Kazuma felt a poke on his cheek.

"zuma-chan...zuma...chan..."

But he did not wake up.

He felt a finger travel from his face all the way down to his chest.

"zuumaa~chan~~.."

"..."

But he did not wake up.

Serafall pinched Kazuma cheeks with both hands.

"!? S-Serafall-sama!?"

"Kazuma?"

All of the hairs on Kazuma's body stood up.

"W-What are you doing here? At this time?"

"Oh, I just wanted to check up on you...Also to ask you a question.."

"A question?"

"Yes... Did you... take a box of panties by any chance...?"

"No, I do not remember taking a box of panties."

Without any stuttering or hesitation, Kazuma answered back.

"I see, I didn't think you would do that. Sorry for doubting you..."

"Yes."

" **I'm going to kill whoever took that precious box, Only I'm allowed to take it!** "

"What."

"Nothing nothing..."

"..."

 _O-O-O-Oh shit! Did I take Serafall's panties!? She's super mad, she's ultra mad! Super duper mega-milk mad! I can't return it now... She wears some cute panties..._

Sweat covered Kazuma's body as he thought of what Serafall was going to do once she finds out. And so, Kazuma made a decision to make sure **no one** would ever find the 'Pandora's (Panties) Box'.

"So, Kazuma. Are you fine? How was my magic lesson?"

"It was an amazing experience Serafall-sama. It was 100, no, 10,000 times better than the idiot who previously tried to teach me water magic."

"Thank you for your honesty Kazuma-chan, but don't add '-sama' to my name. We're friends right?"

"B-But Serafall-sama, You are one of the 4 great Satans of the underworld and you have a title of 'Leviathan'. If a mere human like me were to call a great Devil of importance like you without honorifics, it would be very-"

"No! I demand you to!"

"But Serafall-sama-"

"No!"

"..."

Kazuma went silent as he thought about how stubborn 'Leviathan' was... or was he the stubborn one?

"I want you to call me Serafall or Sera because you are my friend! And if anyone says anything about it, I'll freeze their eyeballs!"

"I-I understand Serafall-sa... Serafall."

"Very good~"

Kazuma couldn't say no because he was her friend... and because he might have his eyeballs frozen if he didn't comply.

Kazuma looked up towards the beaming smile of Serafall and wondered what would happen if he made her upset...

-And it was at that moment.

"Kazuma, I heard some noise from your room. Y-You better not be...m-m-m-m-massst-t-turb-b-ba-"

Darkness opened the door to see Kazuma and an unknown woman...

"Wh-Whaaa! K-Kazuma! How could you kidnap a woman just fulfil your needs!"

"OOIIIIII! JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME!?"

"Okay Kazuma-chan~ I'll be going now~!"

"W-W-Wait Serafall-sa, Serafall! At least explain that you're not-"

A magic circle appeared from beneath Serafall.

"W-WAAIIITT!"

"Bye bye~!"

Serafall teleported out of sight.

"..."

A trembling and red-faced Darkness held onto the doorknob for support.

And Kazuma, who was still in bed, facepalmed as he explained who that woman was.

...

"I-I see, so that woman was... one of the 4 great Satans... who trained you water magic and just came here to check on your condition...Hey Kazuma, why did you call her by her first name?"

Ignoring the masochist, Kazuma asked;

"Oi, just what do you think of me?"

"W-W-What!"

It seems like Darkness had misinterpreted the question.

"Do you think I'm that low, to kidnap a woman!? Also when you came into this room what did you say!?"

"I-I said that, were you...m-m-m-m-m-m-m-"

"SAY IT LOUDER AND CLEARER!"

"M-M-M-M-MA-MA-MA-MA-"

"SAY IT!"

"MA-MA-MAS-! NOOOOO!"

Darkness fled the scene while crying rivers with a face of the colour of a ripe tomato.

"..."

Kazuma was met with silence.

...

...

...

"Fuck it."

He didn't give a rats ass if he was accused of sexual harassment.

Darkness' body is sexual harassment.

With these dumb statements in mind, Kazuma resumed sleeping.

'sleeping'

* * *

"So this is where they live..."

Azazel looked down at the mansion with calculating eyes.

"To stalk someone home. Does your creepiness have no limits Azazel?" Vali snarked.

"Shut it... Well, this is interesting. I feel a strong holy aura emanating from this mans-"

Azazel stopped his sentence as he witnessed the lights turning on inside the mansion. He heard an annoying female voice shouting;

"Everyone! Wake up! Wake up!"

It was soon followed by a childish voice.

"What is it Aqua? It's so early..."

The next voice was an angry, male one.

"OIIIII! I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GO TO SLEEP! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?"

The annoying female voice responded;

"No you shut up! Listen, I sensed this wicked aura outside the mansion and there are two of them!"

A new mature female voice asked.

"Hm? What do you mean?"

"It's actually really close! Here, If you open this curtain I think you can see-"

Azazel (and Vali), having heard enough dialogue from the four, flew out of sight.

"See them!... H-Huh!? The two wicked aurae are gone! It must've heard our conversation!"

"AQUA! WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR STUPIDITY!"

"While Kazuma said it very crudely, I agree with him on this point."

"S-Same, yeah..."

"But! But I'm telling the truth!"

"...Cool."

"That's nice."

"Maybe you had a nightmare?"

"Believe meee!"

.

..

...

* * *

...

..

.

"Let's have a war, sister of Devil King Sirzechs Lucifer, Rias Gremory!" Kokabiel threw down a dozen light spears at the Devils.

"Everyone get down!" Rias shouted. She, Sona and Akeno made small barriers with their magic and shielded the rest of the Devils. When the dust from the attack cleared, Kokabiel nor Freed were present.

"He's headed towards the school!" Saji yelled. The Sitri and Gremory Devils turned their heads towards Kuoh Academy. And in the distance, they saw a bright, white light shoot up from the school.

"Those guys are really going to destroy the academy…" Saji said.

"No, they said they were going to start with the Academy, but it probably won't end there." Sona interjected.

"That means!"

"…It would be easy for Fallen Angel of that class to destroy this whole area."

"But we won't allow it," Rias said stepping up. "Guys, we are heading for the Academy."

"""Yes!"""

Rias held her head high flicked her long red hair.

...

* * *

-Around 1~2 hours before Rias flicked her long red hair-

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Kazuma-chan, are you mad?"

"I'm not... I don't think I'm mad..."

"K-Kazuma. Where are we?"

"Hell if I'd know."

"Correct."

"..."

"..."

"..."

Kazuma and the gang plus Serafall were all in the magical place called the 'Familiar Forest'.

It all started out with Serafall intruding into the mansion again. Claiming that Kazuma needed protection, Serafall stated that he should find a familiar at the Familiar Forest. However, the Unnamed Katana/' **Chunchunmaru** ' got mad and said that he was all Kazuma needed for protection. But by then, Serafall already readied the teleportation circle. The Unnamed Katana/' **Chunchunmaru** ' lunged at Serafall. Panicking, Aqua, Kazuma, Megumin and Darkness tried to stop the enraged Katana. It was then that they were all teleported.

Which brings it to this situation...

"...Kazuma-chan, are you really not mad?"

"..."

"Vile Devil, do not talk to my mas-"

Kazuma covered the mouth of his talking blade.

"We came to the Familiar Forest right? Then we might as well find a famil-"

 **Pomf!**

It was at that moment, a black cat with tiny bat wings landed on Kazuma's face.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Meow."

"..."

With shaky hands, Kazuma plucked the creature off his face and inspected it.

It didn't look particularly strong.

"Um, Serafall. What kind of monster is this?"

Kazuma and the gang were waiting for an answer from the Devil Leader.

"Hmm..."

Serafall folded her arms and looked at the creature with knowing eyes. She nodded and replied;

"I have no clue."

"Meow."

"..."

Megumin snatched the cat from Kazuma's arms and held it to the sky.

"This is it! This is my familiar!"

With sparkling eyes, Megumin waved the cat left and right.

"Uhh Megumin, are you sure? We don't even know this thing."

"It's perfect! The mysterious element makes it all the cooler!"

"..."

Kazuma did not really care anymore.

"Yes a name, a name is needed! Let's see..." Megumin looked into the yellow eyes of the mysterious 'cat', "Chomusuke!"

The black cat shivered.

...

After (forcibly) creating a contract with the unknown creature, Megumin hummed happily as she held her new familiar in her arms. Said familiar had the eyes of a dying fish.

...

* * *

...

I feel really bad for the poor cat...

We've been walking for quite a while now but we haven't seen any monsters since Chomusuke.

"We are we going?" I asked.

Serafall, who was leading us, answered;

"Deeper into the forest to find stronger familiars of course!"

...I wonder if we're going to be alright...

"Kazuma Kazuma."

Aqua nudged my arm and whispered into my ear.

"Is it alright to trust this woman? Chunchunmaru kind of hates her but is it okay?"

How disrespectful.

"This 'woman' is one of the four leaders of the Devils. I trust her more than you."

"Huh!? Are you kidding me!? You trust a Devil more than me, a goddess!? Are you stupid!?"

"Shut it you useless lump of garbage! She teaches me better water magic than you do!"

"How dare you say that to I, 'the' great Water Goddess Aqua-sama! Besides, you don't have any affinity for water magic to begin with you loser!"

"What did you say!"

As I prepared to beat down Aqua once and for all, Darkness broke us up.

"Stop fighting you two..."

Aqua stuck her tongue out.

One day I will rip that tongue out.

"Okay from here on forward, there are extremely strong monsters so stick close to me~!"

I couldn't help but ask.

"How strong is extremely strong?"

"Hmm, around half of my full strength I think."

What the hell. I don't know how powerful the monsters are... I better be on guard.

"So they could probably destroy a small country."

Forget being on guard I just want to go home now.

* * *

 **Author's Notebook:**

 **Hi.**


	11. The Lich

**More than 240 follows, Holy shit do I even deserve that?**

 **Whelp, Onwards with da story!**

 **(By de way, there's a poll going on right now so check it out!)**

Hi. Konosuba crossover.

Idk.

 _Italics_ = Thoughts/Emphasis

 **Bold** = Loud person speaking/Loudness/Emphasis

Underline = Mainly Emphasis

* * *

'Blind people will get offended if they see this.'

* * *

...

...

...

 _Shit._

 _In retrospect, maybe insulting a leader class Fallen Angel was a bad idea...But...But could you blame me?_

 _My opponent looks like a dumb reject elf from a shitty roleplaying game. Seriously, what is it with those ears?_

 _Agh, focus Kazuma, you've got to focus!_

 _Think of a way to beat this stupid crow called Kokabiel!_

...

* * *

-EARLIER THAT DAY-

...

A Hydra appeared.

Let me say that again.

 **A bloody fucking Hydra appeared.**

As Serafall formed an ice wall, I ran like a bitch without thinking twice.

After running for 9 minutes, I realised that I am not smart.

Really stupid in fact.

Because I realised that I am alone in a forest that inhabits monsters that can take down small countries with ease.

...Oh no.

I'm getting scared.

Really scared.

I'm so scared that I can have no trouble using water magic in my pants without using any magic at all.

 **Rustle Rustle**

What the shit was that?

Movement, I hear movement in the bushes and trees behind me.

 **Rustle Rustle**

This is it, I'm going to die today and no one is going to find my body.

 **Rustle Rustle**

Oh dear god, why did I have to die a virgin?

 **Rustle Rustle**

Internal screaming.

 **Rustle Rustle**

I turn around slowly and saw-

"A-Are you lost?"

A beautiful and well-endowed woman with long brown hair. She wore a purple dress with a dark purple robe over it. An alluring figure showed itself before me.

"U-Umm, are you okay?"

Were my prayers answered? Is this what hope is for?

"..Hello?"

Now wait just second Kazuma Satou, how do you know this girl in front of you **isn't** a monster in disguise? For all you know, she could just be friendly one second and be an absolute nightmare the other second. Don't trust it Kazuma Satou. It's too good to be true!

"Are you okay?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" I waved my arms maniacally in an attempt to scare off the monster.

"KYAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

...

...

...

"So...um, sorry about that. I was really scared."

"No, uh, it's okay Kazuma-san."

The woman identified as Wiz calmed down along with Kazuma.

Wiz asked;

"What are you doing here alone? It's too dangerous to be here."

"I... got lost...H-How about you? You're alone too."

"I... came here to find and retrieve someone- I mean, a cat."

"?"

"Kazuma-san, did you happen to see a cat with tiny wings and yellow eyes in this forest?"

"No, I don't think s-"

Kazuma went silent.

"He's not all that big, he's about the size of your head I think."

Kazuma started sweating.

"W-Why are you looking for that cat?" Kazuma asked.

Wiz paused before answering;

"K-Keep this a secret okay?... I'm actually the secretary for Hades-sama and that cat is an... important asset for Hades-sama. But she went missing and there were speculations that she escaped to this forest, and that's why I am here. To find her... Do you have any clues on where she is?"

 _Hades? Secretary? What?_

"I... don't not wouldn't have any insight into that matter."

Wiz was confused at Kazuma's dumb word combination.

"I...see..."

Seeing the sad smile on Wiz's face made Kazuma feel even more guilty.

It was at that moment.

A beast the size of a car appeared several footsteps away from the two.

"Oh, a Griffon."

"A-A-A-A G-Griffon?!"

In contrast to Wiz's calm expression, Kazuma was panicking out.

"What is that, why is that, how is that!"

"C-Calm down Kazuma-san. It must've appeared because we are in its territory. Now, slowly back off..."

Wiz held Kazuma's hand as they both slowly took a step backwards from the angry looking Griffon.

But Kazuma tripped over.

The Griffon lunged at the two.

Wiz took a step forward and stopped the momentum of the Griffon with one hand.

"Drain touch!"

A purple light manifested on her hands as Wiz took the stamina and strength away. The Griffon struggled and resisted but it was all to no avail under Wiz's tight grasp.

Soon, the Griffon started to weaken its resistance and eventually, collapsed to the floor.

Wiz sighed as she looked at the downed opponent, she turned to Kazuma.

"Don't worry I haven't killed it. It's sleeping right now..."

Kazuma had only one thing in mind.

"Please teach me that magic!"

"Eh?"

"If you teach me that magic, I'll help you find the cat so please!"

"Eeehh?!"

* * *

"..."

"..."

"He's gone."

"Meow..."

"..."

"So... what should we do?" Aqua asked.

"..."

To that question, no one knew the answer...

* * *

"K-Kazuma-san, are you sure about this? This magic may cause you problems in the future."

"Problems?"

"Yes, This type of magic is called 'Undead Magic' and only the followers of Hades-sama can teach it... If you learn this magic, it would imply that you are an ally of Lord Hades."

"...I understand.."

"I-I'm going to ask again, Are you sure about this?"

"Absolutely."

To Kazuma's determination, Wiz responded;

"...Very well." Wiz closed her eyes and exhaled, "I will teach you everything about this magic!"

* * *

"By the way, where's Chunchunmaru?" Aqua asked.

"..."

To that question, most knew the answer...

* * *

Appearing in pink particles, Chunchunmaru stood beside Kazuma and took a battle stance.

"Back off Lich!"

"Ah!?"

Suprised, Wiz took a step back and froze Chunchunmaru's entire body.

"I-I-I'm sorry!"

"...This is some...Deja vu..."

The ice immediately broke into pieces.

"I will not make the same mistake twice, perish under my power Lich!"

As soon as Chunchunmaru exclaimed that, Kazuma bopped him on the head.

"Oi."

"...Does thou require something master?"

"Yes, I need to learn the magic she is trying to teach me."

"Kazuma-san, just who is this person?"

"...Ignore him."

"U-Umm."

"Ignore him."

And so, Kazuma learned under Wiz's instructions while Chunchunmaru glared daggers at the poor Lich.

.

..

...

...

..

.

"A-Amazing! I never knew someone could be so talented at 'Undead' magic!"

Wiz complimented on how fast Kazuma picked up on the magic 'Drain Touch'. Smirking, Kazuma responded;

"Of course I'm talented in magic (except water magic), Let's see; I'm going to tell you a secret of mine."

Kazuma closed the distance between himself and Wiz.

"I'm one of the masked Heroes of the Devil society who saved Rias Gremory you know?"

Wiz widened her eyes.

"Y-You were one of them!?"

"I'm not lying~!"

"But, if... If you are a person who can defeat a high-class Devil in less than 10 minutes...then... you can probably..."

Wiz started talking to herself.

"Hm? Are you awed my awesomeness?"

"Kazuma-san."

Wiz looked directly into Kazuma's eyes.

"Y-Yes?"

"May I have your contact details?"

Kazuma's mind went blank.

"...Huh?"

"I-I don't mean anything weird like that! I just, want your help when the time comes... or is that too muc-"

"No no no, it's alright. Look, I'll tell you where I live so you can come anytime okay? Preferably come at night on a Saturday where almost everyone is asleep except for me."

"Um, I-I think you're misunderstanding something."

"Ssshhh, I know honey. I'll be waiting."

To Wiz's slightly red face, Kazuma thought;

 _YEESSSS! STRIKE! Is this my chance to become an adult!?_

"U-Ummm."

"Okay! Let's go find that stupid cat!"

"W-Wait! I think you're seriously misunderstanding something~!"

"..."

Chunchunmaru stood silently at his master's antics.

* * *

"This is troublesome..." Serafall said as she sat on a frozen Hydra head."Oh I know! I'll just contact her!"

Serafall hopped off the Hydra head and gestured to the girls to follow her;

"I think I know someone who can help us find Kazuma-chan!"

"Really? Who is it?" Darkness asked.

To which Serafall made a cheeky smile and replied;

"That's a secret~"

Aqua nudged Megumin and whispered into her ear;

"How is the Devil society still functioning with a leader like her?"

"Aqua, I think she can hear you..."

Serafall winked.

.

..

...

...

..

.

"Tia~! Tia-chan~! Where are youu~!"

After walking a long way, Serafall started shouting to a seemingly empty lake.

"A-Are we here?" Megumin said, being carried by Darkness.

"Who knows. Devils are crazy after all." Aqua said, also being carried by Darkness.

"Um, you tw can hop off now. I think we're here."

"What do you mean Darkness? We're both doing this for your sake! We all know how you were of no use during our fight with the Hydra. We're trying to increase your strength!"

"A-A-A-Aqua! and Megumin- stop nodding to Aqua's words! What do you mean by 'how you were of no use'! Both of you were also doing nothing at all!"

"Ha! So you do admit that you were doing noth-"

Aqua stopped talking as a great shadow covered them.

"Tia-chan! You're here!"

A great, pale blue western Dragon showed itself before the girls.

" **Serafall, It has been a while.** "

"Aye!"

Megumin, Aqua and Darkness stood with their jaws open.

" **What do you need?... Who are these young ladies?** "

The great dragon shifted its attention to the three idiots who were stuck in place.

"H-H-Hello Dragon-san!" the terrified blue haired bimbo said, "I-I-I-I'm A-Aqua!"

" **Aqua? A strange name, it's the same as that water goddess...** "

Suddenly, Aqua's face expression changed into a proud one. Aqua shouted;

"That's because I _am_ the Water Goddess!"

" **...** "

The great Dragon looked away from the self-proclaiming Goddess.

" **Who are you little one? Your eyes seem... familiar...** "

Megumin trembled, she eventually opened her mouth and whispered;

"Darkness blacker than black and darker than dark, I beseech thee, combine with my deep crims-"

Darkness covered the trembling explosion girl's mouth and prevented a would-be disaster.

"Her, Her name is Megumin, A mage of the Crimson Demon Clan."

" **Oho? I see, and you are?** "

"My name is... Darkness. An exorcist from the Vatican."

" **Hmmm, what a strange group of individuals... Serafall, why are they here?** "

"Oh, well it's a funny story. I came here to get Kazuma-chan a familiar but they all got caught in the teleportation spell and came along, teehee!"

" **That is an unfortunate series of events... Who is this 'Kazuma-chan'?** "

"He's... my pupil and best friend! Speaking of Kazuma, I came to you so you can find him, he got lost in the forest and I thought you could locate him."

" **Locate someone? I see, how strong is he?** "

"He is a human who can use basic water magic and one spell of Norse magic."

" **...That's it?** "

"Mostly, he's Japanese."

" **...** "

"Can you help us?" Megumin asked.

" **...** "

The great dragon closed her eyes and sighed.

" **Do not expect the 'Kazuma' human to be alive okay?** "

"Thank you! umm, Dragon?"

" **Call me Tiamat** **.** "

* * *

After telling Wiz his address, Kazuma hummed happily as he walked beside Wiz and Chuchunmaru.

"K-Kazuma-san, Are you sure you're not misunderstanding something?"

"Of course~! By the way, how strong is the cat?"

Wiz put her hand to her chin.

"Hmmm, she's as powerful as-"

Wiz paused and froze up.

"Wiz?"

Wiz widened her eyes and turned to Kazuma.

"D-D-Do you hear that?"

"Hear wha-"

In the distance, they heard great, slow but powerful, flapping noises.

"Huh? Are a bunch birds flying here or someth-Whoa!"

Wiz pulled on Kazuma's sleeve and urged him to run, Chunchunmaru demanded an answer.

"What are you doing?"

"We need to go!"

"Huh, Why?" Kazuma asked.

"A Dragon is coming!"

Kazuma asked no more questions and ran alongside Wiz.

...

...

...

"So um, are Dragons really scary?"

After running for quite a while, the trio found an abandoned cave and hid in it. Kazuma was currently sitting down and hugging his legs while Wiz stood next to her. Chunchunmaru was in the Katana form and lay in front of Kazuma.

"It's not that, in fact, I'm not scared of Dragons themselves... But there was a possibility that the Dragon we heard was her..."

"Her?"

"Yes, the only female among the 'Five Great Dragon Kings'- The Chaos Karma Dragon, Tiamat."

Kazuma had no clue what Wiz was talking about but he nodded anyway.

"Oh, that's bad..."

"If she knew I was here I might get destroyed,,,"

"What! Why!?"

Wiz sat down next to Kazuma.

"It's not a long story, Tiamat and Hades-sama are... not on the best of terms. A war would probably occur if they met each other again." Wiz explained, "And being a follower of Hades-sama, her hatred for Hades-sama would most likely apply to me as well, especially since I am Hades-sama's secretary. But I have the highest chance of surviving if I were to meet Tiamat by chance, and that's why I'm here and not anyone else..."

"..."

Kazuma was tempted to ask why Tiamat would hate Hades but it didn't seem like the appropriate mood to question it.

"I wonder where she is? The cat that is..."

Kazuma felt even guiltier. He couldn't tell that his companion just forcibly took it and made it its familiar.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"AAAHHH! I'm going to find that stupid cat! Wiz, you can stay here!"

"Huh!? K-Kazuma-san it's too dangerous to go alo-"

"Chunchunmaru, go find that cat! I'll go this way and you go that way!"

"Affirmative."

Kazuma full dashed out the cave in search of that pussy!

...

...

(AN: I'm sorry)

...

...

"Are you sure about this area?" Tiamat asked.

Currently all '5' ladies were walking in a group with Serafall and Tiamat, who was in her human form, in lead.

"Positive. He ran this way the last time we saw him."

"Me~ow..." Chomusuke had already given up trying to escape Megumin's arm prison that she called a hug.

"aaaaAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

In the distance, the group all heard a scream.

"This pathetic voice- It's Kazuma!"

The group didn't hesitate anymore as they ran towards the scream.

* * *

My name is Kazuma Satou.

"AAAA-"

I'm human, An ordinary citizen of Japan.

"-AAGLEEAAAAAA-"

And I am being chased by 2 literal oversized lizards. They stood on 2 legs and had razor sharp claws, I knew they had sharp claws when they sliced through the tree beside me.

"-AAAAAA-"

Right now I'm running out of stamina and I think I'm going to die.

"-AAA-"

Oh merciful God or whatever entity who cursed me with bad luck.

"-A-"

What have I done to anger you? Oh merciful one, I am but a mere human. Yes, I may be perverted but I have a senpai who is probably twice as perverted as I am. Oh please oh merciful one, what have I done to ange-

"-AAAaaaaahhh?"

Hm? I don't hear the oversized lizards anymore.

I looked back and saw... A woman?

With straight long beautiful, pale blue hair, dark blue eyes... and a hand holding 3 bloody hearts.

Holy shit.

Did she tear out the hearts of those big lizards?

Oh no.

She's looking at me. Is she one of those humanoid monsters!?

Why did I stop running!? Danger! Danger! I need to go now!

"So you're the 'Kazuma' everyone's talking about."

Wha-

The woman was directly in front of me.

I didn't even see her move!

It was at that moment, I heard an awfully familiar voice;

"Kazuma! You still alive?"

The voice belonged to the one who I was with the longest when I started this crazy adventure. The dumb one.

"Tia-chan, I think you might be scaring poor Kazuma."

Ah, this voice belonged to the Devil leader.

"Kazuma, are you okay?"

This voice... belongs to the that holds that damn cat!"

"Megumin!"

"W-What!"

I strode past the pale blue haired girl in front of me and snatched Chomusuke away.

"Give this to me for a bit."

"Wha, Kazuma- Wait!"

Not listening...Hm? Is this cat happy to see me? No that's not it... It's just happy that it's away from Megumin.

I whispered to Chomusuke;

"It's okay little buddy, you're safe now."

Chomusuke's eyes lit up and rubbed its head against my neck.

"K-Kazuma! You can't just steal my familiar like that!"

"No!...Haaah~ I'm tired, just what were those anyway?"

To which Serafall answered;

"Lizard Runners, they have incredible speed and have the power to kick through multiple trees... It's impressive that you survived that long I think."

Is Serafall mocking me? Or am I being negative... I don't know.

"You're tired, right? You should have some rest." Darkness said.

To which I replied;

"Hmph, I do not need such 'rest' dear Darkness-chan. For I have learnt a magic from a person whom I cannot name (probably)!"

"Huh?"

I placed down Chomusuke and walked to the nearest tree and rest the palm of my hand on it.

Sorry tree-san. I think this may hurt or possibly kill you.

"Drain touch!"

I absorbed the energy out of the poor tree. Speaking of which, I wonder how trees grow here. Is there sunlight in this place? Or do these trees even do photosynthesis? Does it ever rain here?

Meh.

With the tree withered and myself rejuvenated. I turned to see the reactions.

Aqua, Megumin and Darkness had widened their eyes. Ha! Are they in awe of my power?

Serafall looked fidgety and alternated looks between me and the dark blue-eyed woman whom I have yet to the know the name of.

Speaking of which, I think she's staring at me.

No.

Glaring daggers at me.

Oi, what have I done to piss you off?

"T-Tia-chan, I think it may be some kind of mistake..."

Hm? That woman's name is Tia? That's an awfully cute name.

'Tia' continued to glare at me.

Hmph! I don't care, I'm already familiar with girls hating me back at Kuoh Academy.

I asked a random question;

"Hey by the way, did you happen to see a big dragon around here? What did it look like?, what was its name?"

"Tiamat."

The blue-eyed woman intensified her glare.

What, this is scary.

"My name is Tiamat."

What.

"You have a lot of courage coming here follower of Hades, or is it foolishness?"

What. Someone explain please.

"Tia-chan! Calm down! He was probably tricked by someone!" Serafall exclaimed.

What. Wasn't Tiamat a Dragon?

I turned to Aqua.

"Tiamat is a Dragon, right?"

"Yeah, that's just her human form. It's sort of like how Chunchunmaru has his Katana form and human form."

I see.

Wait.

That's bad then.

"Chunchunmaru!"

Pink particles flew around and manifested,

"What is it, master?"

"Ok look. There's this big angry Drago-"

It all happened all too fast.

One second I was talking to my Katana, the next second he was underground.

D-Did Tiamat just chokeslam him through the ground!?

"You know the fate of those who anger me, correct?"

I-I-Is it an apology letter? I'll write a 23-page apology letter if that is what it takes!

Oh no.

Tiamat's eyes are glowing now.

I'm going to die again.

Shit!

-But it was that moment, my saviour called out;

"Wait!"

* * *

 **Author's Notebook:**

 **Yo, wassup. I know what I'm doing. Probably.**

 **I will try not to rush the Kokabiel arc.**

 **WAIT! I HAVE A POLL RIGHT NOW ON WHO SHOULD END UP WITH KAZUMA, CHECK IT OUT! CHARACTERS NOT FEATURED YET ARE ALSO IN THE POLL LIST! VOTE NOW!**

 **IF THERE ARE ANY OTHER PEOPLE YOU WANT TO ADD TO THE LIST TELL ME.**

 **Poll on my profile page~**

 **Cheers, Chomusuke!**


	12. The Reappearance of the Masks

**POLL** **POLL** **POLL** **POLL** **POLL** **POLL** **POLL** **POLL** **POLL** **POLL** **POLL** **POLL** **POLL** **POLL** **POLL** **POLL** **POLL** **POLL** **POLL**

Hi. Konosuba crossover.

Idk.

 _Italics_ = Thoughts/Emphasis

 **Bold** = Loud person speaking/Loudness/Emphasis

Underline = Mainly Emphasis/Chunchunmaru

* * *

'Youtube Red and Redtube are different things.'

* * *

...I looked up to my saviour who was standing in front of me with her arms spread out.

Wiz!

"Just wait a moment! This man here is innocent, I taught him that magic to aid himself."

"Wiz, what are you-"

"Wiz the secretary of Hades."

Wiz and I froze up to Tiamat's words.

"A former human, who had the reputation of 'Ice Witch'...What are you doing in my territory?"

Wiz shivered but spoke clearly;

"I am here to find and retrieve an escapee from our realm and- hang on, that's..."

Wiz pointed at Chomusuke with shaky fingers.

"Ah! I found her!"

Wiz was about to pick up the cat when suddenly-

"Hold it right there."

Megumin stood between Wiz and Chomusuke.

"This monster here is my familiar. Do not touch it."

"F-F-Familiar!? That's absurd! Hades-sama needs her!"

"Then Hades can come right here and beg for Chomusuke!"

"That's unthinkable!"

"I'm sorry Wiz-san, That creature over there is legally Megumin-san's familiar and all familiars are protected under the Devil Law. More specifically, Section 7: Article 8, page 19 to 20 states that any familiar taken from its owner without the owner's consent is considered illegal." Serafall explained.

Wiz widened her eyes.

"Y-Y-You must be Serafall Leviathan! The governor of Foreign Affairs and a member of the Four Great Satans!"

"That's me~"

"...But the Devil Law only applies to Devils, therefore the Devil law should not apply to me or Megumin-san."

I didn't even know that 'Devil Law' existed.

What the hell is Devil Law?

Maybe I should study it when I get back...

"So Hades wants that cat over there..." Tiamat said, "It would be a shame if... it died, correct?"

Everyone knew what was going to happen next.

"Tia-chan wai-"

Tiamat lunged for the cat.

But I reacted this time.

In an instant, I covered the ground with water with my magic and then-

"Freeze!"

Froze it.

Tiamat slipped over the ice and crashed into a tree.

Just according to Keikaku (Translator's Note: Keikaku means plan).

"Serafall please prepare a teleport!"

"Wah, ah sure!"

"You three! Stand next to Serafall!"

Megumin, Darkness and Aqua hurried over to her.

"Wiz you-"

"Kazuma-san..."

"?"

"I'm not giving up the cat okay?"

Even if you say that...

"Teleport!"

Wiz disappeared from sight.

Wait what?

Didn't she just say she won't give up on the cat?

Huh? Am I missing something?

"Kazuma-chan! The teleport is ready!"

I hurried over to Serafall.

"Sorry Tia-chan! Forgive me~!"

I heard an audible sigh.

"Teleport!"

And then, we were gone.

.

..

...

...

..

.

We were back at the mansion thinking about what happened an hour ago.

In the end, Serafall left saying she needs to go back and properly apologise to Tiamat and I didn't get a familiar...

At least Chomusuke will suffice.

"Kazumaaa give my familiar back~"

Megumin accused me of theft as I tickled the chin of Chomusuke.

It seems that Chomusuke has taken a liking to me.

I lie on the sofa and sigh.

"No more trouble for me, that's it. I don't want to do anything now..."

I dozed off to sleep...

...

...

...

*RING RING RING! RING RING RING!*

OH COME ON! I HAVEN'T EVEN SLEPT FOR 10 MINUTES!

Where is that noise coming from?

*RING RING RING! RING RING RING!*

The other 3 were startled too, as they searched for the owner of the noise.

*RING RING RING! RING RING RING!*

It might just be me but...

*RING RING RING! RING RING RING!*

It sounds awfully similar to a home phone...

"Kazuma I found it!"

Megumin waved a small, black phone in the air.

Megumin gave me the phone, I gulped.

This better not be something stupid...

" _Hi is this Kazuma-kun?_ "

This voice!

"S-S-Sirzechs-sama!?"

The three numbskulls around me jolted in surprise.

" _Congratulations on finding this phone, I put this device here just in case something goes wrong._ "

"...Umm..."

 _"Okay I'll make this quick, something did go wrong. There's a leader class Fallen Angel called Kokabiel close to your area and he aims to start the next big war._ "

What.

" _Right now I am readying my army, Kazuma-kun I know this may upset you but-_ "

No. Don't say it. Please please don't say it.

" _I need you to get over there and stall as much time as possible. My little sister and her peerage should also be there and if you can, please keep her safe._ "

Oh no.

" _The location is at Kuoh Academy. Good luck!_ "

"Wait Sirzechs-sam-"

"."

He cut off...

Oh man...

"Kazuma what did he say?" Darkness asked.

I lowered the phone from my ear and looked at Megumin, Darkness and Aqua.

I sighed again.

"Do you guys still have your masks we got from Vanir?"

* * *

 **-Kuoh Academy** **-**

...

"So, Is Sirzechs coming, or is it Serafall?"

"No, we are here in their place."

"How boring...Ah well, a little diversion can't hurt."

Issei gritted his teeth.

"Since you came all this way, I suppose I'll have you play with my pet!"

With a snap of his fingers, Kokabiel summoned 3 beasts from the ground.

"A Cerberus?" Rias gasped.

"You mean, _that_ Cerebus from the stories!?" Issei exclaimed.

"Yes. Living at the gates of the underworld, it's the Watchdog of Hades."

"The Watchdog... of Hades...?" Asia fearfully mumbled.

"To bring that to the human world... Let's go, Akeno, Koneko!"

""Yes, Buchou!""

* * *

...

"Who are you! State your business!" Sona said in a threatening way, "Wait, you are!"

Oh crap, does she know my identity?

"Y-Y-You stole my panties!"

My three companions looked at me. I couldn't see their expressions because of the masks but I knew that they were severely disgusted.

But hang on. I don't remember stealing Sona's panties... wait.

"I thought those were Serafall's panties!"

"Wha-What do you mean! Those were mine! You stole them!

Once again, I couldn't see my three companions' facial expressions because of the masks but I knew that they were severely disgusted.

Currently, we the 'Masked Heroes' were outside looking at a barrier that covered Kuoh Academy.

"Wait!"

Oooh I know this voice.

"Don't expect me to forgive you for this! How dare you make Sona mad!"

"Saji! Focus on the barrier!"

I looked at Sona and made an offer;

"Okay fine, if you let us through I'll give you at least half the panties. Deal?"

"Wha-! No! give me back all my panties!"

Saji looked like he was going to kill me with that glare of his.

"Sorry Sona, I need to speak with the young man over there..."

I walked over to Saji.

"What do you want!" He snarled.

I whispered into his ear.

"I'll give you some of the panties I took..."

Saji's eyes lit up and then went back to normal.

"Y-Y-You can't do this to me! Even if you're the one who saved Rias from her engagement, I won't forgive you for this-"

I whispered into his ear;

"I'll give you a quarter of all the panties I took. Free of charge."

"Thank you Hero-sama."

Saji was now smiling at me. That's better.

I shifted my attention to Sona again.

"Do we have a deal Sona Sitri?"

"No! Give them all ba-"

"Inside this barrier, Rias and her peerage may be suffering! We need to get in now!"

Sona grimaced.

"KKuhh! Everyone lift the barrier for 3 seconds!"

"""Yes!"""

"Thank you Sona Sitri!" I shouted as I ran toward the school.

"I hate you!" Sona replied as she blushed.

* * *

...

Kokabiel threw down the light spear and destroyed the body of Valper Galilei.

"Valper, you really were very talented. Your aptitude must've helped you reach that conclusion."

"Kokabiel, what are you trying to do?" Rias said.

"I don't really care if this guy is around or not... Now, I'm even bored of the diversions... Hey, can I just kill you all?"

Everyone took a defensive stance as Kokabiel formed a giant light spear.

"Perish before my powe-"

"HOLD IT!"

4 masked figures entered the battlefield.

"No really, hold it. What's going on? Where is the leader class Fallen Angel that Sirzechs was talking about?"

"...Huh?"

"Rias Gremory, where is the enemy we are fighting?"

"Huh? Um, well, it's him."

Rias pointed at Kokabiel.

"...What? That's not a Fallen Angel silly Rias, that's a sheltered elf with black wings."

"Huh?"

"I mean look at him. He's very pale. This implies that he is an indoor person and never goes outside so he must be sheltered. And look at his ears, it's pointed- that's gotta be an elf. I don't know why he has black wings but I don't think that's a Fallen Angel."

"You! Who the hell are you guys!" Kokabiel roared.

The leader of the 'Masks' stepped forward and smirked;

"I'm glad you asked. We are the group called the Mas-"

"Hey Kazutrash, I think that guy really is a Fallen Angel."

"Oi Aqushit don't interrupt me. And I'm pretty sure he's not a Fallen Angel."

"But he summoned a light spear so..."

The 'Leader' put his hand to his chin.

"Oh...That's true... But... Hmm, So I guess he is a Fallen Angel after all..."

The 'Leader' looked up to Kokabiel and shouted;

"Oi you! What happened to you? Are you cosplaying as an elf? You don't look very good!"

"..."

Kokabiel's eye twitched.

"Also why do you have red eyes? Are you on drugs, or is that a fashion statement?!"

"You..." Kokabiel growled, "I'm going to kill you!"

"Well that's too bad. Chuunibyou, you ready!?"

"Aye Aye"

"Great, now!"

"Wha-"

 **BOOOOOMMM!**

The explosion was beautiful, like a firework but 1000 times as deadly. Everybody who was fighting against Kokabiel stood and stared at the explosion in the sky.

The stupid dialogue from Kazuma wasn't just to make fun of their opponent. It was also to stall time for Megumin to chant her lines for the ultimate explosion.

"Well that was easy. Let's go home and drink some alcohol!"

"A-A-Aqushit! If you say some cliched lines like that he'll-"

The smoke cleared and what remained was a burnt and furious Kokabiel.

"You... I will give you pain!"

* * *

Shit.

In retrospect, maybe insulting a leader class Fallen Angel was a bad idea...But...But could you blame me?

My opponent looks like a dumb reject elf from a shitty roleplaying game. Seriously, what is it with those ears?

Agh, focus Kazuma, you've got to focus!

Think of a way to beat this stupid crow called Kokabiel!

Okay, okay. Think Kazuma think.

Megumin is down, so no more explosions.

I have all my magic. But I doubt I could take him on.

Aqua is there just in case anybody dies.

Darkness is there being useless.

What about Rias and her peerage? What are their strengths? Weaknesses?

What about that blue-haired girl with the dumb looking sword?

Gah, I need intel! I need time!

"Hey, all of you come over here! I'm thinking of a way to beat Kokabiel now!"

Wait. I shouldn't have said that out loud.

"You think I would allow that!?"

Kokabiel put both his hands in the air and formed the biggest light spear I had ever seen.

Shit.

Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit!

We're boned!

"...It seems like you need some help Kazutrash?"

Maso-blonde took off her mask.

What is she, an idiot?

"What are you doing you dumbass! Put that back on!"

"If I do that I can't unleash my full strength."

Full strength?

"Y-You are! Lady Lalatina! What are you doing here!?" The blue-haired girl with the dumb looking sword gasped.

What is a Lady Lalatina? Can I eat that?

"Kazutrash, all I have to do is stall time for you to form a strategy, right?"

"Y-Yeah."

Well I didn't say anything but... Damn, what is it with Darkness right now? Why does she look so cool right now!?

"Okay..."

Darkness closed her eyes.

Suddenly a faint golden aura enveloped Darkness.

Her hair fluttered as the space around her shook

And then, two faint, white wings unfurled from her back.

" _Heaven's Aura._ "

The wings completely unfurled as pure white energy manifested in Darkness' hands.

Darkness opened her eyes revealing golden eyes instead of her usual blue.

I was probably looking at an Angel. The most beautiful angel I've ever seen.

"This is... This is the ability of the Dustiness Clan, Heaven's Aura! To see it right before me..." The blue-haired girl with the dumb looking sword said.

Dustiness Clan? What is that, a biscuit?

Kokabiel exclaimed;

"You! What is the daughter of the Pope doing here!?"

The daughter of what.

"Tch, Perish along with them!"

Kokabiel threw down the gigantic light spear.

" _Appear before me the power of Heaven's fort_ ** _-Shield!_** "

Darkness raised both her hands up and instantly, a wall of pure white formed and negated the massive light spear.

"Aren't you going to get on with planning?" Darkness said.

"Uh, right. Everybody! Come here!"

Rias and her peerage plus the blue-haired girl huddled in close to me.

" _Protect the allies from the might of foes_ _ **-**_ ** _Dome!_** "

As soon as we were close together, a dome of white energy covered us.

Darkness turned around and smiled.

"Tell me when you are done, I'll stall for time."

Darkness, I am sorry I ever called you useless.

I smiled too and turned to face the fighters.

"So, tell me all your abilities right now."

Issei went first,

"So I have this Red Dragon in my arm and.."

.

..

...

...Yes, this will work.

...

..

.

"Tch, Aren't you from the Church! You should despise Devils and yet why do you side with them!"

Kokabiel shouted as he threw another light spear.

" _ **-Shield!**_ "

Darkness yet again negated the light spear.

"I've met many Devils now, and I have realised that they are not as bad as I initially thought... It's all thanks to him, he made me realise that..."

"I don't want to hear your story!"

"Darkness, we're done."

"What took you so long? _Dome_ _Release!_ "

Instantly, Issei, Akeno and Rias flew out with their Devil wings.

And Koneko began throwing swords at Kokabiel with Kiba producing them.

"What the-"

Kokabiel began to block the swords coming his way.

Rias released her signature 'Power of Destruction' while Akeno attacked with her thunder.

Kokabiel shifted his attention to the magic users and roared;

"Tch, you guys are all annoying!"

Kokabiel started to throw light spears at Akeno and Rias.

A 'sword' aimed straight for Kokabiel zoomed in. Of course, Kokabiel dodged out of the way.

But it wasn't just any sword, it was a Katana.

The Katana took its human form and grabbed Kokabiel's arm in midair.

Chunchunmaru gathered his energy to his hand and uttered a single word.

"Cut."

Kokabiel's arm split off.

"GAAAHHHHHH!"

Kokabiel kicked Chunchunmaru away.

Directly after, Xenovia appeared in midair and swung Durandal at him.

Kokablel with no time to react, instinctively raised his hand.

His other arm got cut off.

"AHHHH!"

It was time for the finale.

Directly above, Kazuma was freefalling towards Kokabiel.

"Wha-"

He latched onto Kokabiels wings and shouted;

"Take this! Drain touch times 1024!"

In an instant, all of Kokabiel's stamina and strength was absorbed.

Dead or unconscious, Kokabiel was defeated.

"We, we did it. We did it!"

Kazuma thought back to the plan he made...

...

 _"The moment this dome gets put down, Rias, Issei with me on his back and Akeno with Xenovia on her back will instantly fly out. Issei will fly high above Kokabiel while Akeno and Rias will stay slightly above Kokabiel."_

 _Confused stares were aimed at Kazuma._

 _"Then, Koneko will throw swords at Kokabiel. The swords will be produced with Kiba's sword birth ability."_

 _Even more confused stares._

 _"Kokabiel will initially think that the swords are a decoy and will shift his attention to Akeno and Rias who will attack him with magic."_

 _Everyone listened eagerly._

 _"And so, once Kokabiel is distracted by Akeno and Rias, Koneko, throw this."_

 _Kazuma handed her his Katana._

 _"?"_

 _"Trust me, throw this at the distracted Kokabiel and he would most likely dodge, but even if he dodges, Chunchunmaru would still be able to cut his arm off."_

 _Koneko nodded._

 _"And as soon as that happens, Xenovia, hop off from Akeno's back and try to cut him in half. If what you say about your sword 'Durandal' is true, at the very least you would be able to cut his arm off. But don't worry about falling, Aqushit right here will negate your fall with water."_

 _"Leave it to me!" Aqushit said._

 _"So that's why you told me to go on her back..."_

 _"After that occurs, I will drop down from Issei's back and onto Kokabiel and finish him off."_

 _"?"_

 _"Oh trust me, I will have Issei boost my power up many times though. Asia, if I and someone else get injured, prioritise that someone else over me. Heal them first."_

 _"O-Okay."_

 _"If anything goes wrong with this plan, I will make another plan up on the spot. Quite frankly I do not want to that, anyways is that clear?"_

 _"Yes."_

 _"Okay, Issei start boosting your power."_

 _"Wait before that... I don't remember telling you who I am. How did you know my name was Issei?"_

 _"..."_

 _"..."_

 ** _[BOOST!]_**

 _"..."_

 _"..."_

 _"...Shut up."_

...

Wow, that plan worked.

It actually worked.

For the first time in my pitiful life, something went my way.

...Wow.

This feeling is great.

Alright! let's go ho-

Wait. If Kokabiel is defeated, and I'm in the air with him. Who's flying?

I am falling.

I AM FALLING!

I AM FALLING ALONGSIDE THE BODY OF KOKABIEL!

"WAAAHHHH! AQUA! ANYBODY SAVE MEEE!"

Just before I hit the ground, I saw the panicked faces of the Devils, my companions and Xenovia.

The last sound I heard was-

 ***CRACK***

...

...

...

So I died again.

At least I'm able to meet Eris...

"Greetings, Kazuma Satou."

Huh? This isn't the voice of Eris.

"You have died."

I looked at the entity before me, she was a girl with dark purple hair and wielded a creepy looking scythe.

"And welcome to the realm of the dead, rest easy in the domain of Hades."

"Huh?"

* * *

 **Author's Notebook:**

 **Yo, The poll is still on so check it out. Go to my profile page to enter the poll.**

 **Yeet.**

 **Also, you know what I realised? These are all DxD arcs, and Kazuma is a 'supporting' character in these arcs. Maybe next time, I'll have a Konosuba Arc or a Kazuma-central DxD arc.**

 **This is a Kazuma-central fic god damn it!**

 **Please review!**

 **Cheers, Chomusuke!**


	13. The Revelation

Hi. Konosuba crossover.

Idk.

 _Italics_ = Thoughts/Emphasis

 **Bold** = Loud person speaking/Loudness/Emphasis

Underline = Mainly Emphasis

* * *

'What do you think Bill Gates named his company after?'

* * *

...

It happened too fast.

Way too fast, the one who made it all possible had died.

I looked at his lifeless body.

...To think that instead of Kokabiel, Gravity would be the one to kill him...

How...sad...

I flew down toward the body of the Masked Hero.

I saw the panicked face of the daughter of the Pope, she was carrying another masked figure on her back.

It seemed like she was crying, she removed her mask and bawled out loud.

She was... a cute girl, she must be even younger than Koneko, wait this girl was-

"M-M-Megumin!?"

Issei exclaimed.

"What are you- no, You were part of the 'Masks'!?... Then, when we were back at the Gremory Mansion, you were..."

Megumin ignored him and continued crying.

I had my speculations...

The one carrying her was about to burst into tears too.

It can't be helped then, I guess this is how I repay him.

I pulled out a Rook Evil Piece and lay it on his body.

"Rias, you are..." Akeno trailed off.

"Wha-What a-are you d-doing?" Megumin said between sobs.

I turned around to her and smiled.

"I'm going to bring him back."

I was about to take off his mask when a firm grip on my hand stopped me.

It was the grip of the fourth masked figure.

"What are you trying to do?"

"I was going to resurrect him, as a Devil." I replied.

"What? That's stupid!"

Eh? Didn't she want her friend to be alive?

"W-What? Don't you want your friend back? Y-You seem awfully calm for someone who just lost someone..."

"Huh~? Of course I want that asshole back! It's my duty to-"

"G-Guuhh..."

Everyone froze up.

This voice, it can't be...

"Y-You all..."

I saw Kokabiel slowly stand up.

"Don't think you can get out of here alive!"

Countless light spears formed around Kokabiel.

Curses! I don't have enough magic! And by the looks of it, Akeno doesn't have enough too!

The battered and bruised Kokabiel roared;

"Die in regret and shout in pai-"

"Oh just shut up! **GOD BLOOOOOOWWW!** "

"BWWEEEHHH!"

The fourth masked figure who stopped me from using my Evil Piece punched Kokabiel in the face with a literal firey fist.

Kokabiels body flew through the air and landed a considerable distance away.

"Phew! That felt great!... I wonder how he stood up with no arms though? Impressive, maybe I'll ask him later..."

The masked figure said something really stupid.

"Anyways, you!"

The masked figure pointed at me.

"Get away from Kazutrash right now!"

Huh!? Is this guy or girl heartless!? Doesn't she want her or his friend back alive!?

"All I'm trying to do is revive your friend! Isn't that what you want!" I retorted.

The masked figure facepalmed and groaned.

"Gahhhh~! This is why Devils are so!... Look, I'll revive him myself!"

"Eh?'

* * *

 **-Realm of the dead-**

"EEEHHHHH!?"

"Y-You are very loud."

"What do you mean I'm in the 'Realm of the dead'!? Where is Eris!? Change! Setting chaaaannge!"

"W-What are you talking about!?"

"Setting chaaa-"

I stopped myself.

Oh that's right, Aqua will revive me anyway.

Why does it matter that Eris isn't the one right in front of me?

Still, I'd rather meet her though...

"I-It seems like you have calmed down, now about your deat-"

"Hey what's your name?"

"!"

For some reason, this purple haired girl is surprised. Could it be... Could it be that she doesn't have a name?

"W-Why are you asking that?"

"Why not?"

So she doesn't have a name after all...that's just sad.

"My name is Bennia."

Nevermind.

"Anyway, regarding your deat-"

"How old are you?"

"..."

Man it's taking Aqua so long, I wonder what's happening? Did Kokabiel wake up or something? Haha that won't happen...

...

...

Would it? Oh man, now I'm getting nervous.

"Umm, so regarding your deat-"

"This is Hades' realm right? Where's Wiz?"

"Y-You know Wiz-senpai!?"

What is this reaction?

"Hm? Yeah. We're so close that I told her my address the other day."

Oh wait, that was this morning.

Oh well.

"Really! You're so lucky... oh wait, you're dead."

"..."

"I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to... you know, remind you of your death."

"..."

"S-S-S-Stop looking so sad! B-By the way, you seem to be relaxed even when you know you just died. Why is that?"

"..."

"Stop it! Stop placing your hand to your mouth and pretending to be shocked!"

Tch, smart girl.

"Kazumaaaa~~! I've almost completed the resurrection spell! Get ready!"

Aqua's annoying and loud voice resounded through.

"Sweet."

"Wha- Hold on!"

Bennia grabbed my sleeve.

"You can't go! You're already in the realm of the dead, it means you can't go back no matter what the circumsta-"

A blue magic circle appeared beneath me.

"Whaaaaat!?"

"Good knowing you Bennia. Bye bye~!"

"Wait! You can't go! W-W-W-What should I dooo!?"

"What's going on, Bennia?"

A second figure appeared.

"F-F-Father! That man over there is returning back to the world of the living!"

I look at the Bennia's father.

Bennia's father looks at me.

We stare at each other in complete silence.

"Ahh this is something I can't control. Hang on, I'll call someone."

"What do you mean!?"

What is taking Aqua so long? I don't want to see a father and a daughter bicker all day.

A third figure appeared.

"What seems to be the- K-Kazuma-san!?"

"Yo Wiz."

My vision is blurring, is this a sign that Aqua's 99% complete?

"H-H-H-He's becoming transparent!" Bennia screamed.

'Uhh Wiz-san, can you do something about that?"

"Um, I, Ummmm."

Hehe, Not gonna die yet suckers!

"W-Waaaiit!"

Bennia fully latched onto me as my vision fully faded away...

.

..

...

...

..

.

I opened my eyes, around me were the Devils, my companions and Xenovia.

I sat up and touched my neck.

It wasn't broken...

"K-K-Kazuma!"

Megumin and Darkness both jump hugged me.

"Whoa!"

Their tears stain my clothes.

This is a little embarrassing...

"A-A-Amazing.." Asia uttered, "What level of healing magic is that?"

"Hmph, Something of this level is nothing. I'm a Goddess you know?"

"Wow!"

Oh no, Asia is going to get corrupted by Aqua...

The rest of the Devils were looking at me.

Did I do something wrong?

"Hey about your name..." Kiba asked, "Is it... Kazuma?"

Oh shit, they're on to me.

But at that moment, I was saved with the appearance of a flying dude in white armour.

"You are!" Xenovia gasped "Vanishing Dragon!"

"It seems that I didn't need to beat Kokabiel for you... Congratulations. I'll be taking his body."

Okay hold up, what?

I stood up to the cocky bastard in white armour.

"Oi you!"

He wasn't listening, he put Kokabiel on his shoulder and prepared to take off.

"Wait! What do you mean by 'I didn't need to beat Kokabiel for you.'!? Does that mean you could've come any time and beat him!?"

Everyone gasped in realisation.

"..."

The 'Vanishing Dragon' picked up the fallen body of Freed.

"...Goodbye."

"Ah! He's fleeing away!"

 **[ Are you going to ignore me, Albion?]**

 **{ Ddraig...}**

What the hell, I didn't know that Issei's hand can talk... No, is it ventriloquism?

 **[We finally meet after all this time huh. Are you going to run away?]**

 **{It's fine. We are fated to fight someday...}**

Issei and the white armoured guy stared at each other.

That's some high-level ventriloquism right there.

"Issei Hyoudou..."

"What?"

"Get stronger, my archrival. We will fight someday."

The armoured dude turned around.

I shouted;

"Hey wait a secon-"

The armoured prick was gone.

I hate this supernatural world...

...

* * *

(3rd PERSON POV CHANGE)

...

Sona and her peerage run toward the rest of the group

"Sona!" Rias said.

"*Sigh, I can't believe the White Dragon just burst in like that. But more importantly..."

Sona trembled.

"Sona?" Rias asked.

"Y-Y-YOU!"

"Me? W-Whoa!"

Sona grabbed the collar of Kazuma.

"Give it back! Now!"

"C-Calm down! Oi Saji! Help me!"

"Even if you say that..."

"Give it back! Plleeeaaasse!"

Sona began shaking Kazuma while half crying.

Rias and her peerage watched and stared as they saw a side of the Student Council president that they never knew.

...

Xenoiva approached Darkness.

"Lady Lalatina, Do you have any injuries?"

"It's quite fine, Xenovia-san."

"I see... Lady Lalatina, your father has requested your presence."

"Huh?"

"You are to return immediately- Lord Dustiness Ford Ignis, your father has... fallen ill."

"Huh?"

Darkness couldn't process what she just heard.

"What do you mean he's il-"

"U,Uuuuu..."

Darkness was cut off by the sound of a girl sniffling an crying...

Everyone craned their heads toward the source of the crying.

...

And there lied a crying, purple-haired girl with a creepy looking Scythe...

...

* * *

 **-Old School Building, Kuoh Academy-**

"Please welcome our newest addition our family, Xenovia Quarta!" Rias said.

"Nice to meet you all."

"Buchou, what does this..." Issei rambled.

"She is the newly made Knight of the House of Gremory, Xenovia."

"Kn-Knight?" Issei turned around to face Xenovia, "Could it be that you...?"

Xenovia sprouted her bat-like wings.

"You've been reincarnated as a Devil!?" Asia cried.

"We were also surprised after being told about it." Kiba assured.

Xenovia explained herself.

"...After learning that God had died, I was desperate and implored her to."

"Implored her? B-Buchou?"

"It'll be nice to have a user of Durandal added to our ranks. With this, you and Yuto will be the sword fighters covering our left and right flanks."

"...Huh..."

"I transferred to this school as a second-year student today... So let's work together from now on, Issei!"

"D-Don't that cute voice with a straight face!"

"I was trying to copy Irina but that didn't work out well..."

"I-Is it all right with you, being a Devil that is?"

"...Without God, my life is meaningless... But is it all right to stoop to the level of Devils, my former enemies?" Xenovia began talking to herself, "Even if she was the little sister of the Devil King, was my decision correct? Gaaaah~ How do I explain myself to Lady Lalatina... Please tell me O Lord! AH!"

Xenovia clutched her head in pain.

"She's just like Asia when we first reincarnated her..." Koneko uttered.

"This girl is pretty wierd... Speaking of which, what happened to Irina?"

"...She returned back to headquarters with the Excalibur fragments. She will likely come back to find Lady Lalatina though... Irina's faith is deeper than mine. If I were to tell the truth about God, I don't know what would happen to her emotional state."

"Xenovia..."

"To the Church, I'm a dangerous person who found out the truth about something I shouldn't have known, and I've become a heretic."

"So then, you became a Devil..."

"Asia Argento, I must apologise to you."

"Eh?"

"I'm sorry. You can hit me if it will make you feel better."

"That's!"

"For a Holy sword user who should be respected to become a heretic who committed a taboo... It's changed the way I look at things. I cannot forget the attitudes the Church higherups had, I must have made you feel the same way."

"Xenovia-san... Please raise your head. I am satisfied with my life, even though I am a Devil right now. I was able to meet many people who are now dear to me, I really am very happy."

"I see... I have a favour I want to ask you."

"Me?"

"Will you show me around school sometime?"

Asia replied with a smile on her face;

"Yes!"

* * *

 **-Megumin's Mansion (Or alternatively, Megu Mansion)-**

...

Things have been peaceful since the Kokabiel incident.

A good few days have passed and nothing stupid has happened.

Haaaaah~ This is the peace that I've always wanted...

I've jinxed myself, haven't I?

...

Why is Bennia still here?

"More snacks please."

"Here you go."

I handed Bennia her snacks.

Apparently, the reason why she was transported here was because of me.

Although it wasn't directly my fault (I believe), I felt a little guilty so I allowed her to stay at our mansion as a freeloader.

Though I feel like she's taking advantage of it...

I saw Darkness walking around like a restless bear.

I called out;

"Oi Darkness, what's wrong? Is your choker missing?"

"K-Kazuma!"

"O-Oi, you actually have one!? I was just talking out of my ass!"

"No Of course not!..."

I panicked for a second, although I wouldn't be surprised if this masochist pervert had one...

"It's something that... It's a personal problem..."

"I-I see..."

I stuttered.

Damn it Darkness, why do you look so vulnerable! Show me your pathetic side so I don't get attracted to you!

"Hey you two." Bennia said.

"What?"

"Why don't you kiss already?"

""!""

"Buwhat!? Are you insane Bennia!? Does being in the human world make you stupid or something!? Do you need a doctor, do Grim Reapers need doctors!?"

Bennia paid no attention to whatever I said and walked up to me.

"W-What?"

Without saying anything. Bennia pushed me.

Toward Darkness.

But by using my 'amazing' footwork, I managed to swerve my way out of crashing into Darkness.

Ha! Cliche accidents won't work on me! I'm immune!...

I turned to face Bennia.

"Oi what was that for you little brat?"

"Hmm, I was tired of being a Grim Reaper so I tried being a Cupid instead. Maybe I was too forceful?"

Who gave Bennia drugs? Because what she said right there was hella stupid.

Or it could be...

"Bennia, have you been hanging around with Aqua recently?"

"Hm? No, why?"

Nevermind. It's not Aqua's influence then...

 ***SMACK***

"...Oi Aqua, I'll give you 3 seconds to apologise and maybe I'll forgive you."

"Oh I'm sorry, I just felt like slapping you in the head because your face was infuriating. It still is by the way."

"..."

"..."

"THIS IS WAR BITCH!"

"BRING IT ON SCUM!"

"Stop fighting you two."

I didn't listen to Megumin as she walked into the room with a tired face.

Suddenly, a familiar red magic circle appeared not so far away from us.

Sirzechs Lucifer had appeared.

As I looked at the Lord of the Devils while pinching Aqua's cheeks I uttered;

"S-Sirzechs-sama! What are you doing here!?"

"I came here to congratulate you on your victory over Kokabiel, and I am grateful that you kept Rias safe."

"Oh, um. Thank you."

I didn't really do anything.

It just sort of... happened.

"I am indebted to you four again."

Sirzechs bowed.

"S-S-Sirzechs-sama! Please raise your head!"

"Hahaha~ Kazuma Satou, you never fail to astound me. Now, there's also another reason why I showed up here instead of calling the home phone."

So it was a home phone after all...

"The reason is this."

Sirzechs handed me a letter.

My companions huddled around me as I read the letter out loud.

"Hm? This is...

' _Dear Leader of the 'Masks' and his companions,_

 _This is a letter from the leaders of the Three Biblical factions, we want you and your companions to show up tomorrow in our Leader's summit in Kuoh Town, Kuoh Academy. As you were a key player in defeating Kokabiel, we require your presence when discussing the incident.  
We hope you will be there._

 _Signed: Michael, the Leader of the Angels  
Signed: Azazel, the leader of the Fallen Angels  
Signed: Sirzechs, the leader of the Devils.'_ _"_

...

"..."

"I was assigned with the role of giving it to you four, so I did it personally."

"...I see, thank you Sirzechs-sama..."

"So, what is your answer Kazuma Satou? What will it be?"

"..."

What am I to do, deny Lucifer?

"I...accept."

"Thank you... By the way, what is that little Grim Reaper doing back there?"

We all turn to Bennia lying on the couch and eating snacks.

"She's... a freeloader. Don't mind her."

"If that's what it is... Okay then Kazuma, I'll see you there."

"Yes Sirzechs-sama."

The Crimson Lucifer teleported away...

I sighed.

"...Well, it can't be too bad can it? It's just a meeting right?"

"..."

Nobody answered my question, instead I all received back was the sound of Bennia crunching on biscuits...

* * *

 **-Kuoh Academy-**

"Excuse us."

Rias and her peerage took their side on the wall opposite Azazel.

"Let me introduce you. This is my little sister and her peerage, Rias Gremory. They fought against Kokabiel in the battle the other day."

The leader of the Angels replied, "Thank you for the hard work. Please allow me to express my gratitude once more."

The leader of the Fallen replied,"Sorry about that. It looks like one of my guys caused you a lot of trouble."

Issei gritted his teeth.

 _The nerve of this guy!_

"But that is not all, Masks, you may come out." Sirzechs said.

The door opened, revealing 4 masked figures.

Rias, her peerage and Sona and her queen, gasped.

"Let me introduce you. These people here are the 'Masks', you may have heard of them from the Riser party-crash incident in the Devil Underworld."

"Ah, these people are quite the talk between the young generation at our place." Azazel laughed.

"It's the same with our faction." Sirzechs replied.

"Aren't they going to remove their masks?" Michael asked.

"...They would rather keep their identit-"

Megumin ripped off her mask and threw it in the air.

"I AM MEGUMIN OF THE CRIMSON DEMON CLAN! A PROUD MAGE WHO HAS MASTERED THE ARTS OF EXPLOSION MAGIC!"

"..."

Everyone went silent.

"Guess I'll go next then!" The blue-haired bimbo threw down her mask and shouted; "My name is Aqua! The Goddess of Water, be happy that you met me~"

"..."

Everyone was silent.

Kazuma facepalmed.

Darkness lifted off her mask elegantly, "...My name is Dustiness Ford Lalatina, you may know me as the daughter of the Pope."

"D-D-Darkness!? You didn't tell us that!" Aqua exclaimed.

"What do you mean 'Lalatina'! Is that type of food?" Megumin pressed.

Kazuma put his hand on her shoulder and whispered;

"We're going to have a long talk about this _Lalatina_."

Darkness shivered, for reasons unknown.

Kazuma sighed.

"I guess it's my turn..."

He took off his mask,

All the Devils in the room besides Sirzechs and Grayfia, dropped their jaws.

He smiled.

"And I'm Kazuma Satou, just an ordinary human."

* * *

 **Author's Notebook:**

 **And the secret is out~~! Boom Boom Baby!**

 **.**

 **Btw, wouldn't it be funny if Asia declined Xenovia's wish for her to be shown around the school?**

"Will you show me around school sometime?"

Asia replied with a smile on her face;

" **Fuck no!** "

...

 **Poll results... Not telling!**

 **Not telling until at least 75 people have voted. (I don't think we'll ever get there)**

 **See y'all in the next chapter!**

 **I have a lot of juicy stuff for y'all in the future! (Like, it's not going to happen any time soon)**

 **Cheers, Chomusuke!**


	14. The Summit

**280 Followers!**

 **Wow.**

Hi. Konosuba crossover.

Idk.

 _Italics_ = Thoughts/Emphasis

 **Bold** = Loud person speaking/Loudness/Emphasis

Underline = Mainly Emphasis/Chunchunmaru

* * *

'The word 'Small' is bigger than the word 'Big'.'

* * *

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Can you untie me?"

"No."

Chunchunmaru harshly denied Bennia's plea.

The Katana crossed its arms and kept its eye on Bennia who was tied up on the couch.

"Master said to prevent thou from eating snacks while Master is not around."

"I promise I won't. Really."

"...The last time thou said that, half the cookies and chips disappeared."

"..."

Bennia shut herself up and continued to be miserable.

* * *

...I couldn't believe it.

And by the looks of it, nobody else could too.

I saw in the corner of my eye that Issei was shaking.

"K-Kazuma, y-y-you're alive?"

"...I think so."

"!"

I gripped Issei's hand and tried to calm him down.

Issei slowly turned around to me and uttered;

"B-Buchou, he's alive. H-He's really a-alive..."

"Kazuma...Satou?"

I heard Sona mutter.

"But he should be..."

"K-Kazuma." Issei stuttered, "A-After this, l-let's have a talk okay? There's so much I need to tell you..."

Just how was he alive? It was a truth that he died to the spear of a Fallen Angel. How did he-

"Lalatina-san, how did you end up as the part of a 'Masks'?" To the sudden question of the Archangel, Lalatina jolted.

"T-There were a lot of situations and um, I was dragged by the flow and... I-I'm still loyal to the Christain faith!"

Dare I say this but the daughter of the pope is a bit cute.

"Haha, I see. Make no mistake Lalatina-san, I was not testing you." Michale shifted his attention, "Excuse me Kazuma-san, are you affiliated with any faction as of now?" Michael asked.

"Eh? Well, I'm not on anyone's side right now..."

"I see." Michael smiled, "Would you like to join the ranks of Heaven?"

"Eh?"

"!"

"Micahel-sama."

Lalatina stepped forward.

"If you make this man over here an Angel, he will fall in record time. This man is the type of person to sneak glances at a person of the opposite gender after they leave the bath. You cannot trust him!"

Megumin added her own 2 cents;

"Yeah, and he has a really foul mouth, why do you even need him? It's not like he's strong or anything. Let him stay with us."

"You guys better remember this when we get home." Kazuma growled.

"Ahaha, that is a shame then." Michael laughed.

"Michael, you weren't serious about recruiting him, were you? We, the Devils, were the ones to find him first. So naturally, we call 'first dibs' on him." Sirzechs stated.

"That's right, I found him first! He's mine!" Serafall declared.

"Oh is that so? You already have the Red Dragon Emperor, why don't you give him to us?"

"Oho? Did you forget that we are Devils? Don't you know what Greed and Desire are?"

"I was the first Devil to teach Kazuma-chan magic you know?"

What are Onii-sama and Serafall-sama doing!? And what does he mean by 'first dibs'!?

Are they trying to start a war!?

* * *

(KAZUMA POV)

...

"Hey Boya," Azazel whispered.

"Uh, yes Azazel-sama?"

While Michael and the 2 Devil leaders were bickering about random things, Azazel reached closer to me.

"How about you join our side? We've got cookies."

"..."

"On a serious note please consider it. We, the Fallen Angels, would love to have you on our side."

A light silver-haired guy stepped in;

"Are you serious Azazel? This guy looks even weaker than an average human."

"This 'human' beat Kokabiel before you did Vali."

"Tch."

So his name was Vali.

What an asshole.

Azazel turned to me and asked;

"So, what do you say?"

I coughed, and gave him my honest answer;

"...I'm sorry Azazel-sama, I've only had bad experiences with your kind and I'm not too sure if I can get used to being around Fallen Angels. Therefore I will decline your generous offer. Thank you."

Nailed it. Perfect execution.

"I see, would you like me to send a Fallen Angel to your mansion so you can get used to our kind?"

This guy didn't understand me at all. Wait, how did he know I live in a mansion.

"I'll even send a female Fallen Angel if that's what you want-"

"No." I flat out declined, "I have even worse experiences with... female Fallen Angels..."

Azazel raised an eye.

"Hm?"

Ugh, I hate getting reminded of... her.

I thought I beat the Fallen Angel trauma when I faced Kokabiel...

"Azazel, what are you doing?"

"Eh?"

"Azazel, trying to recruit Kazuma-san under our noses is foul play."

"Eh!?"

Azazel panicked.

"It seems like I'm the most untrusted one out of us all."

"Of course."

"That is natural."

"That's exactly it~"

"Guh..."

What the hell, are all the leaders like this? It's surreal that these people are one of the strongest beings alive...

The grey-haired maid tugged Sirzechs' sleeve, in response, Sirzechs grunted out loud.

"Anyway, let's get back to business."

I walked back to Aqua and the others.

"Let's start the meeting."

And the tense mood kicked in...

"Hey Kazuma, what is this meeting about again? What are these people doing?"

To Aqua's not so intelligent question, I pinched her cheek.

"O-O-Ow! Kashuma! Let guwoo-"

It was at that moment, the world stopped.

"-ooo Wha?"

I let go of Aqua's cheek.

...?

What the hell is happening?

Za Warudo?

Looking around, people were divided between those that could move and those that were stopped. All the big-shots were moving. Sirzechs, Serafall, Michael and Azazel, as well as Vali and the... Grey-haired maid seemed to be able to move.

I looked toward the rest of the Devils.

Issei, Kiba and Rias were able to move. For some reason, Xenovia were also with them and was also able to move.

The girl with the chest-nut hair beside Michael was also able to move as well.

That and... all four of us 'Masks' were able to move too.

Wait, why was I saved?

I might not be too weak but I'm definitely not as strong as these people here...

C-Could it be?!

I'm part of a hidden blood-line that has a history of killing gods!? Does this prove my true potential!?

...Fat chance.

"Kazuma what's happening? Are we playing a game of freeze?"

I ignored Aqua.

"Um, What's happening?"

To my question, Azazel looked straight into my eyes and replied;

"A terrorist attack."

Maybe I need to clean my ears.

"Whaaaaatt!?" Issei exclaimed.

Nevermind.

"Would you like to look outside?"

Azazel gestured at the window with his chin. Issei approached the meeting room's glass window and—

Flashes suddenly spread out in front of the glass.

"We're under fire. Haah~ In any era where a power tried to form peace with other powers, there will also be a gathering of those who dislike it and try to disturb it."

Azazel pointed outside. When I turned my eyes in the direction he pointed, there were human-like silhouettes that had arrived in the schoolyard and in the air. Looking closely, these mage-like guys dressed in black robes seemed to be firing attacks at us that were similar to magic bullets.

Issei was looking too and I had a feeling that he might have the same question that I have.

...Who the fuck are they?

Azazel sighed.

"Those guys are so-called magicians. It's a kind of magic that was originally interpreted from the magic system of devils by the legendary magician 'Merlin Ambrosius' and reconstructed as sorcery…From the power of the magic they're emitting, I'd guess that they each possess the magic power of a mid-class Devil."

So it's a fact that those guys in the schoolyard are stronger than the weak me! There's a lot!

"In short, it means that humans can use powers like those of Devils. It's especially troublesome when a Sacred Gear possessor learns magic. Well, their attacks aren't capable of damaging this school building. Because the strongest protective barrier by me, Sirzechs, and Michael is enveloping this place. Though, thanks to that, we can't leave here."

Wow... What a solid explanation.

But it doesn't explain everyone else is frozen.

Maybe I should move out of Kuoh once and for all...

Kyoto sounds nice.

Speaking of moving out, why can't we just telepor-

"And we can't escape. As long as the barrier enclosing the entire school isn't dissolved, we can't go outside. We have to wait for the enemy boss to appear. If we shut ourselves in here for a while, they'll get tired of waiting and show their face. I'd like to know who the mastermind is quickly. Besides, if we go out and rampage imprudently, we may just do exactly as the enemy wishes."

Darn.

"Then, what about our frozen allies?" Issei asked.

"Most likely, they used a Sacred Gear or magic that transfers power on the half-vampire kid's Sacred Gear, Forbidden Balor View, and forcefully made it go into Balance Breaker state. It's only a temporary Balance Breaker state, even then, to think that it even affects people present in the interior of objects outside the field of vision… So that half-vampire's potential ability was this high. Well, it seems that he lacks the output to stop us top-position guys, though."

What.

Half-vampire?

I don't know any half-vampire.

"G-G-Gasper!"

Apparently Issei does.

"Gasper has been made into a terrorist weapon at the old school building… Just where did they get information on my servant… Moreover, for them to use his power to go after this important meeting…! Never have I been so insulted like this!"

And Rias too.

Am I the uninformed one?

"Time is precious, We can't have them attacking us forever. We need to get the Half-vampire back and stop the magicians from using him."

"Onii-sama, I'll go. Gasper is my servant. It's my responsibility to take him back." Rias declared.

"How will you go to the old school building? It's filled with magicians outside this new school building. The usual transfer is also blocked by magic."

"The old school building—my base's clubroom has a remaining unused "rook" piece being safely kept within it."

"I see, 'Castling', huh. Since they would usually expect us to go take him back, this could catch the opponent off-guard. They'll anticipate some kind of trick."

Castling? As in the Castling in Chess?

Huh?

"Alright. However, it's reckless to go alone. Grayfia, is it possible to transfer more than one person through 'Castling' with my magic system?"

The grey-haired maid identified as Grayfia replied;

"Yes, it seems we can only deploy a simple technique ceremony here, but it's possible to transfer Rias-sama and one other."

"So Rias and someone else…"

"Sirzechs-sama, I'll also go." Issei stood confidently. "I will protect her!"

I am so out of the loop.

Like a kid who came back from the Holidays only to discover that everyone was doing a group assignment and he was the only one left out...

I clutched my head and close my eyes.

Deep breaths Kazuma, deeeep breaths...

...

I'm not stupid, I'm not stupid...

That's better.

I remove my hands from my head to see that Issei and Rias were gone...

What happened.

"Kazuma Satou."

I heard Azazel call out to me.

"Y-Yes?"

"It's strange, your whole 'party' were not frozen in time. Why do you think that is?"

Hmm... Why is that?...

Darkness probably was able to move because of her 'true strength' or whatnot. Aqua was able to move because she _is_ a Goddess and I was able to move because I was in contact with her...

Which leaves Megumin...

"K-Kazuma, why are you staring at me like that?"

I stare deeply into the eyes of Megumin.

"W-Why are you looking at me like that! I'm not a criminal or anything!"

"Meow~"

"...Huh?"

Chomusuke revealed itself from within Megumin's arms.

"Megumin... why did you bring the cat here?"

"Because the cat would feel sad if we left him, besides I thought that nothing too drastic would happen so..."

She had a valid point.

That doesn't explain why Megumin is able to move.

...Wait, why is Chomusuke able to move!?

"Meow?"

Chomusuke noticed my stare.

One day I will find out the identity of this cat from hell.

"This magic circle is!" I heard Serafall's voice.

I turn around to see what was going on...

A single woman appeared from the magic circle. She was wearing a dress that was extremely low-cut and had a high slit on it.

"How do you do, current Devil King Sirzechs?"

The woman greeted Sirzechs with a fearless tone.

"The one descended from the blood of the previous Leviathan. Katerea Leviathan. What is the meaning of this?"

Oooh! I've heard about this! When the old four Satans died and they were trying to erect new Satans, they say they raised a desperate resistance right till the end, the people descended from the old Satans.

I heard that the post-war devils, whose fighting power had already been exhausted, drove off all the families of the hardline old Satans' army to a corner of hell with the last of their power.

And after that, it was said the matter continued by having a new administration established in the centre. That was the current Four Great Satans.

I'm glad that Aqua's History lesson actually became useful.

The woman- Katerea Leviathan, who was descended from the original Leviathan, gave a defiant smile and spoke.

"The members of the old Satan faction have nearly all decided to cooperate with the 'Khaos Brigade'."

What kind of stupid name is 'Khaos Brigade'?

"So it's a feud between the new and old Satan sides that has become full-scale. Devils are also difficult."

Azazel just smiled like it was someone else's problem.

"Katerea, is it okay to interpret those words literally?"

"Sirzechs, it's exactly as I said. We are also taking charge of this attack right now."

"So it's a coup d'état, huh?"

Holy shit. What's the punishment for a coup? How bad is that in the Devil Law?

"…Katerea, why?"

"Sirzechs, we've only arrived at the exact opposite idea of this meeting today. We've concluded that, since God and the original Satan are gone, this world should be reformed."

That's so cliche that it hurts.

"Has that Ophis seen that far ahead into the future? Though that doesn't seem likely."

Katerea just let out a breath in response to Azazel's question.

"Aside from being a symbol of power, she just bears the position for the sake of gathering power. We've asked for her help to destroy the world and rebuild it again. —We will be the ones to manage the new world."

I see I see, What.

I don't get anything at all. Where's the pause button damn it!

Ophis? What is an Ophis? That name sounds strikingly familiar but I can't put my finger on it...

Gah! Who cares.

I whisper some instructions to Aqua...

"Katerea-chan! Why are you doing such a thing!?"

Katerea showed a hateful expression at Serafall's shout;

"Serafall, how dare you act so shamelessly, as the one who stole the position of 'Leviathan' from me! I'm descended from the original Leviathan! I was the one suited for it!"

This is getting annoying.

"Katerea-chan…I-I!"

"Don't worry, Serafall. Today, I'll kill you at this place and take the title of Leviathan for myself. Then, Ophis will become the god of the new world. It's fine if she's just a symbol. The 'System' and 'Laws', the 'Doctrine' will be constructed by us. Michael, Azazel, and Lucifer—Sirzechs, your era is over."

I guess it's my time to step in.

I shout from the bottom of my lungs.

"Excuse me!"

I walk over to the antagonistic figure in slow steps.

In a deep, posh voice, I deliver my lines to Katerea.

"Woman, you seem to be delusional. Are you in your right mind? Or are you in your rebellious phase?"

"Who are yo-"

"It would be 'Not good' if Serafall here were to die. Who else would teach me water magic?"

"What are y-"

"And Sirzechs. Who else will stop Rias Gremory from interrogating me?"

"Excuse m-"

"And Michael over there. Who else will give me a VIP spot in Heaven?"

"Um, can you let me spea-"

"And Azazel... Who else would... bring me the cookies?"

Azazel looked at me weirdly but I ignored him and continued to keep my eye on the trembling Devil.

Katerea clenched her fists and roared;

"ENOUGH! Puny Human. Know the price of angering m-"

"Aqua! Now!"

"You don't have to tell me! **Version Uppercut!** **GOD BLOOOOOOOWW!** "

"Wha-BWEH!"

Katerea was punched through the roof.

Around 1 minute earlier, I told Aqua to charge her most destructive attack that won't cause large collateral damage.

It looked like my plan worked.

Everyone looked at Aqua and I with faces full of shock.

"..."

"...Hmmm, Kazuma. I think that Casserole girl is still alive."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah because she only had one 'E' in her 'BWEH!' "

"One 'E' in her BWEH?"

"Usually they go like 'BWEEEEEEEH!' but this time she was like 'BWEH!'"

...Okay, so in other words, she's not dead yet.

But that's strange, Aqua's 'God Blow' should be fatal to Devils as it is a literal, flaming Holy fist attack to the face...

Something doesn't add up.

"She even broke through the defence magic, what power!"

To Michael's words of praise Aqua responded;

"Hmph, this much is natural for a Goddess of my level. You should all learn from m-"

I smacked Aqua's head.

If Aqua wasn't such a complete and utter idiot, I would've seriously felt bad for her when she was kicked out from her own realm...

I lowered my head to the faction leaders.

"I am sorry for the actions of this nincompoop here. Please do not take any offence, she only meant it as a joke."

"Ah, yes Kazuma-san. Please raise your head."

H-How forgiving! As expected of the leader of the Angels. When I finally die for real, I want to meet this man in the end.

I raise my head slowly.

"Kazuma! What was that for~! You of all people should know that I'm a Goddess!"

Yes, I know. I know that Aqua is a pathetic, whiny, alcoholic, no-brainer.

I truly know that the best out of everyone.

"Kazuma Kazuma, Why did you allow Aqua to take the spotlight? Why didn't you ask me instead?"

"Because Megumin, I'd probably die if you I allow you to do that. And you would definitely be a greater terrorist than those magicians outside right now."

Megumin's shoulders drooped a little.

"But don't worry, I guarantee that you'll be the star of the show tonight."

Megumin's eyes shone a deep crimson.

"What do you mean?"

To Darkness' question, I smirk and look out the window.

"I've got just the plan..."

* * *

 **Author's Notebook:**

 **Uh hi.**

 **In this chapter, I wanted to imply that Kazuma has a slight, inferior complex toward everyone. Reason being that he is human and is not notably strong.**

 **Heh.**

 **This scene/chapter is almost identical to what happened in the DxD universe. Only differences are that it's from Kazuma's perspective and the idiots of Konosuba are present in the room.**

 **Next chapter will showcase Kazuma's wit yet again! Stay tuned**

 **ALSO, POLL RESULTS ARE LIKELY TO BE REVEALED NEXT CHAPTER, STAY EXTRA TUNED!**

 **ALSO ALSO! I'm thinking of creating 5k+ chapters from now on. What do you guys think?**

 **Cheers, Chomusuke!**


	15. The girl who left

**OVER 300 FOLLOWS! Man, that is insane! -** **Giddy feelings.**

 **This chapter was 'delayed' because I thought that it was stupid.** **Yeah.**

 **Unfortunately for you guys, I have not rewritten this chapter so it remains stupid.**

 **Enjoy.**

 **(I might rewrite this.)**

 **POLL RESULTS AT THE BOTTOM!**

* * *

Hi. Konosuba crossover.

Idk.

 _Italics_ = Thoughts/Emphasis

 **Bold** = Loud person speaking/Loudness/Emphasis

Underline = Mainly Emphasis/Chunchunmaru

* * *

...

Katerea was still alive.

Half buried into the ground, but still alive.

She had survived the Holy uppercut and the Explosion and it was all thanks to the Ophis' power, the snakes saved her from her ultimate demise.

Katerea looked up into the sky and gritted her teeth.

She vowed revenge.

She vowed revenge against those stupid faction leaders, that weakling human and **especially** that blue-haired bitch!

She wouldn't forgive them. She would make them suffer, make them wish that they would die.

They shall all tremble under the wrath of Katerea! The strongest of all Devils!

And absolutely nothing would stop her...

...

...At least, that's what she thought until she saw a big crimson dragon beating the crap out of Vali.

 **ROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRR!**

In an instant, all thoughts and feelings about violence vanished from Katerea's mind as she stared at the big red mass of power in lizard form.

She began questioning her life choices.

Her life flashed before her eyes as she thought about the bad, dumb, foolish decisions she had made in the past.

It was then, Katerea was reborn. Not physically, but at heart.

No longer would she be a terrorist. No longer would she fight for the title of Leviathan. No longer would she yearn for destruction.

A peaceful life appeared to be a much better option for her.

Gathering the last of her magic, she uttered a teleportation chant.

"A small cottage and a family doesn't seem like a bad idea..."

Was the last thing she said until she completely disappeared.

And that was one less Devil for the Khaos Brigade.

* * *

 **-SOMETIME BEFORE-**

(ISSEI POV)

...

Phew! We finally beat down the last of the magicians.

I wiped my sweat and turned to Gasper.

"What happened when you drank my blood?"

"My power temporarily welled up from the bottom, but…I have returned to normal now."

I see. So it includes a time limit. Even so, he becomes plenty powerful when drinking my blood.

"Yes. All of them have been transferred over there! Now then, Ise, Gasper! Let's return to Sirzechs!"

""Yes!""

Gasper and I responded, and followed behind Buchou.

We left the room and moved to the entrance of the old school building… Meanwhile, Gasper was still sticking to my back…

There seem to be a lot of children who hide behind my back somehow. There's Asia, and this one too. In any case, I also have to fix this guy's hikikomori disposition.

Just as we were exiting the entranceway, I saw Sirzechs run into the battlefield with the blonde girl!

"O-Onii-sama!" Rias cried.

All the magicians in the area were focusing on Sirzechs.

"It's him! The Crimson Lucifer!"

"Kill him!"

"Deploy all the magicians! Surround him!"

The magicians circled Sirzechs and fired all sorts of attacks, however...

" _Appear before me the power of Heaven's fort_ ** _-Shield!_** "

The blond girl, Lalatina, protected them both.

"Sirzechs, how cowardly of you to hide behind an exorcist!" Katerea roared, "Kill them! Do whatever it takes to destroy them!"

The magicians increased their attacks, they were desperate.

Hundreds and Thousands of magic attacks were aimed at Sirzechs but Lalatina took the brunt of the force with her shield.

It might just be my imagination but she looks awfully gleeful...

Hang on, is she panting? I-Is she bluhsing?

"Onii-sama!" Rias cried once more.

But Sirzechs didn't respond.

What is seriously happening? Why is Sirzcehs-sama on the battlefield!?

"It's too late, all of our forces are here! Sirzechs Lucifer, today will be the day you perish!"

Sirzechs and Lalatina looked at each other and nodded.

Then Sirzechs disappeared in pink particles...

" _Protect the allies from the might of foes_ _ **-**_ ** _Dome!_** "

And Lalatina covered herself with the pure white energy dome.

"Where did he go!?"

Suddenly, A copious amount of water encased the magicians.

"Wh-GAAAAHH!" Katerea roared.

The water pushed all the magicians into one area, a vortex of water formed-

They were all struggling, screaming, begging for help.

It was then that I heard a familiar voice.

"Explosion!"

 **BOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!**

That was the moment where I had witnessed the instant annihilation of the magicians.

The light of the explosion lit up the school and the sight was forever etched into my memory.

And I couldn't look away from the all too familiar mushroom cloud that was responsible for the utter destruction.

...Buchou and Gasper couldn't either.

I had only but one question.

What exactly happened right now?

* * *

 **-10 minutes earlier-**

Time finally started to move again for Asia and the others.

"Hm? What? Where's Isse-"

Asia was cut off.

"Chunchunmaru!"

Pink particles materialised and formed itself in front of Kazuma.

"Yes, Master?"

"When we first met, you said you can turn into any shape or form right?"

"Correct."

"Then can you turn into him?"

Kazuma pointed at Sirzechs.

"Affirmative."

Chunchumaru's body shone a bright pink light.

Kazuma turned around to his companions.

"Aqua."

"Yes yes?"

"Can you summon around A large lake's worth of water and control it in the air?"

"Uhh, that's too bothersome."

"Aren't you the Goddess of water?"

"I am! It's just that my power is halved! Geez, you should know that the best."

"Hmmm..."

Sona, who was just released from being frozen, stepped forward.

"Um, can anyone explain what's happening right now?"

"Aha!" Kazuma exclaimed, "Aqua, can you use the water from the school system then?"

"Did you listen to what I just said? I didn't say _I can't_ summon a lake's worth of water! I said that it'll be too bothersome!"

"I'll give you the most expensive wine that I can buy."

"Of course I can do it."

"Perfect."

The light from Chunchunmaru faded revealing an exact copy of Sirzechs Lucifer himself, at least, appearance wise.

"Wow, it looks so... real." Megumin commented.

Sirzechs had a perplexed expression.

"Anyway, here's the plan."

Megumin, Aqua and Darkness fully focused on Kazuma.

"First, Darkness and Chunchumaru will run into the middle of the battlefield. This will undoubtedly take the attention of the magicians and the Casserole girl. Darkness, you will shield the both of yourselves from all the attacks with your magic."

Darkness nodded.

"And then the moment magicians plus Casserole are _all_ focused on you two. Chunchumaru will teleport back to me and Darkness will use the dome magic thing to protect herself."

Darkness tilted her head in confusion.

"When that happens, Aqua, use your water magic to encase the magicians plus Casserole and push them into each other in one area. Do this as quickly as you can."

"I see where this is going." Aqua said.

"And that's when you'll come in." Kazuma faced Megumin, "As soon as they are all in one area, release your most powerful explosion into the centre of the magicians. Don't hesitate, they might escape."

"Righto."

"Great, is that clear everyone? If so, move! The plan has started!"

"""Aye!"""

" _Heaven's Aura._ "

Darkness unfurled her wings and carried Chunchunmaru through the hole in the roof.

"Wait you can fly!?"

"Um, yes?"

"...Nevermind, just go."

...

* * *

 **-After-**

...

"Kazuma Satou."

"M-Michael-sama?"

Michael put both of his hands on the shoulders of the smaller Japanese boy.

"Are you sure that you don't want to join us? Even if you can't turn into an Angel, I can assure you that you will be well respected among our faction. You will be granted anything I can-"

"Hold up just a second." Serafall wrapped her arm around Kazuma's head. "He's mine~"

"Ahaha, are you sure?"

Both the Angel and the Devil were smiling and their eyes were glowing.

"Sirzechs, you're not going to help Serafall?" Azazel asked.

"She doesn't need my help." Sirzechs replied, "Besides, Kazuma is already on our side."

"Already on your side?" Azazel inquired.

"Yes, is that a problem?"

"Hmmm, maybe."

The Fallen Angel and the Devil also smiled at each other.

Kazuma never knew that smiles can be the most terrifying thing in the world.

 _Maybe that's why Monkeys do it to scare off predators..._

The blue-haired Goddess marched her way to Kazuma.

"Phew! That was a little tiring. Kazuma, when is my wine going to be due?"

Aqua flicked away the hands of the faction leaders with no care in the world.

"O-Oi Aqua! Apologise to these people right now!"

"Who cares about that! I want my wine now!"

"Ha! Jokes on you, I can't even buy wine because I'm underage!"

Aqua paused.

"YOU TRICKED ME!"

"It's your fault for- WAAAH!"

Aqua grabbed and violently shook Kazuma by the collar.

"Waaah~! You tricked me! You tricked me!"

"A-A-Aqua calm down!"

"Waaah~!" Aqua continued to cry.

Darkness came back into the room with Megumin on her shoulder to see the sight.

"I'm bac- K-Kazuma, Aqua! What are you doing?!"

Darkness hurried over to the scene and tried to alleviate the situation.

But doing so, she accidentally dropped Megumin.

"Oof!"

"Wha!? Megumin I'm so sorry!"

"Darkness, I will never forget this. From this point on, you are my enemy! My Nemesis!"

Megumin would've sounded more convincing if her face wasn't in the floor.

Chunchumaru stood patiently aside Kazuma who was being half-strangled by Aqua.

It seems that this occurs often back at the Megu Mansion.

Michael pondered;

"...I think we all agree that this boy should remain with his... 'lively' companions. We should not recruit him. We should all leave him alone..."

"That's too sad..." Serafall pouted.

Sirzechs laughed, "Haha, I guess this is a natural solution then."

Azazel sighed, "I guess I have to give up don't I..."

...

... _For now, at least..._

 _..._

Kazuma shivered.

.

Issei, Rias and Gasper made it back.

"O-Onii-sama! Are you o...kay?"

"What." Issei said as they looked at Chunchunmaru who was in the form of Sirzcehs.

Sirzechs walked up to Chunchunmaru and patted his shoulder.

"I forgot to tell you Rias, this is my twin brother, your brother too. His name is Chun."

Rias froze up.

"Chunchunmaru, revert to your original form."

At his master's call, Chunchunmaru nodded and emitted a pink light.

When the light died down, he was back to 'normal'.

Rias wheezed.

After rubbing the back of his Devil master, Issei asked.

"Buchou, Can I talk to... him?"

Rias regained her composure and nodded.

"I will allow it."

"..."

Kazuma sweated prolifically as he saw Issei walk toward him.

He was scared shitless.

Issei stood in front of him.

"Uh hi Issei-senpai. H-How have you bee-"

Issei suddenly hugged him.

"Issei-senpai?"

"I-I'm so glad... I'm so so glad..."

It was a heartwarming scene, two best friends finally reunited after a long time...

The tears fell freely from Issei's eyes as he squeezed Kazuma even tighter.

Megumin, Darkness, Chunchumaru and even Aqua, who was bad at reading moods, let them have their space.

Issei finally let go and wiped his tears away.

"Ahaha Senpai, you don't have to cry that much."

"But but..."

Everyone smiled warmly.

Rias walked up to Issei and faced Kazuma.

"I believe I have not yet said this..." Rias bowed her head, "Thank you for what you saving me from my marriage. I thank you from the bottom of my heart."

"I-It's okay Rias-senpai, we are... Hm?"

Kazuma was about to say 'We are friends.' but he soon realised that the only reason he saved Rias was because he was peer pressured into doing it.

More specifically, he was peer pressured by his companions who were persuaded by the Devil servant of Sirzechs Lucifer who is one of the four great Satans of the underworld and is coincidentally Rias' brother.

And this all took place in hell inside a Devil's mansion.

Kazuma took a moment to realise how surreal that sounded.

He switched the topic.

"Speaking of apologising, I think I need to apologise to the Riser guy and his little sister..."

Rias laughed nervously.

"About that... There are rumours that Riser has fallen into a state of depression and is currently refusing to leave his room. His sister Ravel is forever scarred from the incident and is terrified of masked people. But at least she's not holing up in her room..."

"..."

Kazuma couldn't say anything about it.

"Who cares about that, we beat all the baddies didn't we? I want my wine!"

Of course, the one saying such a line that raised many flags was Aqua.

"All? Are you sure about that?"

Vali activated his sacred gear and fired off a magic spell at Kazuma.

Kazuma took the full force of the spell and flew into a wall.

"Maybe I should've put more magic into that. It looks like he's still in one piece."

"… So you're betraying me under these circumstances, Vali."

It was the Governor of the Fallen Angels.

"That's right, Azazel."

While giving off a dazzling radiance, White Dragon Emperor stated;

"The moment you guys started the meeting, arrangements were made to invoke the Sacred Gear of the kidnapped half-vampire and begin the terrorist attack... Although, the instant annihilation of the magicians was not according to plan."

"When? When did you decide to do this?"

"I got the offer while I was en-route returning Kokabiel to headquarters. Sorry, Azazel. This side seems to be interesting."

"Vali, has the 'Vanishing Dragon' capitulated to Ophis?"

"No, I'm just cooperating stubbornly. They gave an attractive offer. 'Wouldn't you like to fight against the Asgard?' When they said that, as someone who wants to test my power, I couldn't decline. Azazel, you dislike the idea of fighting with Valhalla- Asgard, right? You dislike war."

"I told you to 'become strong', but I should have also said 'don't make decisions that may destroy the world'."

"That's unrelated. I just want to fight eternally."

"…I see. No, I may have anticipated somehow in my heart that you would leave my side. -Since the time we met till now, you wanted to fight with strong people."

Azazel gave a bitter smile

"My real name is Vali. -Vali Lucifer."

Everyone gasped.

"I'm a descendant of the previous generation's Satan Lucifer who died. However, I'm a child of mixed blood born from a father who was the old Satan's grandson and a human mother. —I obtained the Vanishing Dragon's Sacred Gear because I'm half-human. It was just by chance. However, I, who is a true blood relative of Lucifer and is also the 'Vanishing Dragon', was born. If there really is such a thing as fate and miracles, I may be that. -kidding."

As he said that, several folds of devil wings grew from his back along with his wings of his scared gear.

Issei remained unresponsive.

"Red Dragon Emperor, Issei Hyoudou, I investigated you a little. Your father is an ordinary office worker. You mother sometimes goes out to a part-time job as an ordinary full-time housewife. The blood relatives of both your parents are completely ordinary. There are also no ability-users or practitioners who possessed power among your ancestors."

Vali kept speaking as the room went quiet.

"Of course, your ancestors had nothing to do with devils or angels either. You really are ordinary. Your friends aren't special either. You were a completely ordinary male high school student until you were reborn as a devil as well. -With the exception of Boosted Gear, you're nothing."

"..."

Issei didn't say anything as he let his hair cover his eyes.

"Well have you given up? Don't worry, I'll put you out of your misery." Vali smirked, "Just like your friend over the-"

"Hey."

Issei looked up to his 'rival' revealing fierce, glowing green eyes of fury.

"I'll kill you."

All hell and chaos let loose as Issei screamed.

* * *

"G-...Gahh..."

 _Ugh, what happened?_

 _All I remember was getting hit by... that asshole Vali!... Hm? what's this red sticky stuff?_

 _Tomato juice?... Wait..._

 _Whoa! There's so much blood! There's blood everywhere!_

"Kazuma are you okay?"

It was at that moment-

 **ROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRR!**

The ground shook at the sound of the magnificent roar.

Kazuma stared blankly at Aqua.

"Aqua, what's going on?"

Aqua smiled wryly.

"You see, your friend, Issei was it? Went really angry and..."

Aqua pointed her finger at the red monstrosity behind her.

"Turned into a big red lizard."

Dragon.

 _What. The. Actual. Fuck._

 _That's a Dragon._

 _HOW DID ISSEI TURN INTO A BLOODY DRAGON!?_

Kazuma has experienced many things- including death, but none of those experiences included his best friend turning into an absolute machine of destruction.

Mixed expressions of awe and horror were all on everyone's faces.

Except Aqua.

"Kazuma, you owe me like, a billion litres of wine."

Because she's Aqua.

 **{ H-How utterly foolish Ddraig! To let your host perform dragonification is a death wish!}**

 **ROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRR!**

 **{ Ddraig!}**

Albion desperately tried to communicate with his old rival but to no avail.

The dragon pushed its claws into the ground and reared its head.

And then the 30 story building sized 'Issei' spewed out a breath of flame.

Vali dodged out of the way and charged at 'Issei'.

 **{ Vali! This is too dangerous! Fall back!}**

"Albion, this is my destiny. We must fight hi- GUH!"

Vali was smashed into the ground by the claw of 'Issei' and created a large crater. The shockwave that followed almost knocked down everyone standing up.

If people were to describe Vali and 'Issei's fight, They would most likely answer it as 'A Wasp fighting a Hurricane.'

Cracks formed Vali's armour as he stood up.

But he barely had any time to react when Issei's tail hit his body.

Like an oversized skipping stone, Vali bounced across the ground with great force.

"Gaahh!"

But 'Issei' did not hold back.

Immediately after, 'Issei' let out yet another flame breath attack.

But this time-

 **{ DIVIDE! DIVIDE! DIVIDE! DIVIDE! DIVIDE!}**

The breath attack dissipated and Vali regained his energy.

He flew up to the sky and took his distance.

But it was of no use.

The grand dragon unfurled its wings.

Vali knew what was coming but it was too late. In an instant, 'Issei' flew up and bit Vali with his massive jaws.

He sunk his teeth into Vali and crushed his armour.

"GUUAAAAAAHHH!"

Using all his physical strength, Vali managed to lift Issei's jaw for a split second and pushed himself away from the teeth.

'Issei' then smashed Vali down to the Earth again with his claw creating another, bigger crater.

The almost armourless Vali coughed out blood.

"So this, this is the power of the Red Dragon Emperor... It seems that I have to use that."

Vali raised his hand to the sky.

 **"I, who am about to awaken,  
** **Am the Heav-** "

Vali suddenly stopped when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Bikou? What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean by that! You're going to die here!"

The youkai called Bikou spun around a cane that had appeared in his hand and then pierced it into the ground.

Instantly, a black darkness spread over the ground. It seized Vali and Bikou, and made them completely sink into it.

"Bikou wait! There's still-"

"Shut up!"

'Issei' lunged at them, but by the time he got there, they were already gone.

...

Issei stopped his movement and sunk down to the ground.

He was getting smaller and smaller until he returned to his original form.

The bruised and bloody Issei collapsed to the floor unconscious.

Things were quiet for a moment...

"Wow, that was cool. Like fireworks but more intense." Aqua nonchalantly said.

Kazuma was trying to make sense of what had just happened.

* * *

 **-A LOT OF TIME LATER-**

...

"Aqua-san is amazing!"

"Uh yeah."

I was walking with Asia to school.

"I can't believe she healed you so quickly and efficiently like that! In the future, I want to become someone like her!"

"Yeah..."

Apart from after I collapsed, I remembered everything that night.

Everything.

I remembered every single detail of turning into a Dragon.

It was... a very surreal experience.

Also painful.

But I also felt weirdly comfortable when I was in Dragon form. My body somehow knew what to do.

Maybe it was because I fused souls with Ddraig?

Nonetheless, I'm glad that there were no side effects from using it.

"Issei-san."

"What is it Asia?"

"Who is Kazuma Satou?"

I stop walking.

"Issei-san?"

"N-Nothing Asia. Don't worry about it."

Speaking of Kazuma, I haven't seen him or his companions for the past few days.

In fact, no one has.

According to Buchou, they were all teleported somewhere by Sirzechs straight after Kazuma was healed.

I wonder where they are...

But, I guess this is fine. One thing I for sure now know is that-

Kazuma Satou is alive.

My best friend is alive...

I smile and enter the school gates.

It might just be me but I have an odd feeling that things are gonna flow just fine in the future.

...

Probably.

* * *

 **-MEANWHILE IN THE MEGU MANSION-** **  
**

"Morning everyone~!"

"Good morning Aqua." / "Shut your trap Aqua." / "Sup." / "Good morning."

"Now now Kazuma, don't be like that~"

Aqua was still drunk.

After receiving 15 bottles of wine from Sirzechs, she spoiled herself and drank 9 of them.

How she did that in less than 3 minutes, I do not know. But what I do know is that Aqua is an idiot.

Speaking of an idiot where's the pervert?

And as if Bennia read my mind, she asked out loud, "By the way, where's Darkness?"

We all looked around but we didn't see the blondie anywhere.

"Huh? Maybe she has a new fetish or something." I casually said.

"A hide and seek fetish?" Megumin asked.

"I dunno, Do you expect me to know what the masochist is thinking?"

No one knows what's going on in Darkness' head.

And I don't think I want to know.

"Hey, I found this."

Aqua waved the letter she found on the kitchen table.

"Gimme that."

I snatched the letter and began reading;

.

' _By the time you read this I'm probably already gone_ _...  
_

 _Due to some unfortunate circumstances, I had to leave this mansion.  
_ _Although it was a relatively short time, I have had fun living with you all and I will forever cherish those moments._ _  
_ _Thank you for not judging me.  
_ _Thank you for accepting me.  
_ _Thank you for being my friends._ _  
_

 _I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart a_ _nd I'm sorry that I couldn't give you a proper goodbye._

 _I might not be able to meet you again but please do no_ _t worry about me.  
_

 _But whatever you all do, especially Kazuma, Do **not** try to find me. _

_From Darkness, no..._

 _ **From Dustiness Ford Lalatina.** '_

 _._

I scrunched up the letter.

* * *

 **Author's Notebook:**

 **Heyo. This chapter wasn't 5k... but it was 4k+!**

 **Maybe next chapter will be 5k+**

 **AAAAANNNNNNNDDDDD It's the beginning of a new arc next chapter!**

 **A KAZUMA CENTRAL ARC!**

 **3 CHEERS FOR KAZUMA! HOORAY HOORAY HOOOORRRAAAY!**

 **Kazuma is going to have a hard time in the next arc. No really, I mean it. Maybe.**

 **Leave a review~**

 **Cheers, Chomusuke!**

 **...**

 **Aha! You thought that I forgot the Poll results?**

 **Well, you're absolutely right! I was about to submit this chapter when I noticed it.**

 **Without further ado, Here are the results you've (almost) all been waiting for!:**

2nd- **Megumin 26 Votes**

3rd- **Serafall 22 Votes**

4th- **Rossweisse 21 Votes**

5th- **Darkness 16 Votes**

6th- **Yunyun 11 Votes**

7th- **Aqua** and **Chomusuke 10 Votes** (Same amount of votes...BUT WHY WOULD YOU PICK AQUAAAA!?)

8th- **Koneko 9 Votes**

9th- **Eris** and **Kuroka** and **Ravel 7 Votes** (Same amount of votes)

 **AND ANYONE UNDER THAT IS NOT WORTH MENTIONING!**

 **...**

 **... But in first place...**

1st- ' **Harem'** with ** 48 fucking Votes.**

 **Yo, you all realise that Kazuma is bad with women right?**

 **I guess it's my fault for putting such an option...**

 **AAAAHGGHGHGGG!**

 **HAREM IT IS THEN!**

 **CHEERS, CHOMUSUKE!**


	16. The one they call 'Dust'

**The one they call 'Dust'**

 **It's the start of a semi-serious arc!**

 **And I say 'semi' because almost nothing is serious because it's Konosuba.**

 **And... It's a 'Harem'...**

 **Damn.**

 **ENJOY ASSHOLES!**

Hi. Konosuba crossover.

Idk.

 _Italics_ = Thoughts/Emphasis

 **Bold** = Loud person speaking/Loudness/Emphasis

Underline = Mainly Emphasis/Chunchunmaru

* * *

 **-Megu Mansion-**

I'm not angry.

No really, I'm not angry at all.

I'm just... irritated. Haha, it's funny that I even feel that way.

In fact, I should feel happy that the damn masochist exorcist is gone. Yes, that's right.

Happy...

...

"W-W-What should we do!?" Aqua trembled, "Kazumaaaa~ Did you do something to poor Darkness!? I know that you've been looking at her intensely when she gets out of the bath but don't tell me that you've actually laid a hand on her!"

"O-OI! JUST WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK OF ME HUH!? I'M SERIOUSLY STARTING TO GET PISSED OFF YOU KNOW!"

I suppressed the temptation to sock Aqua in the face and scratched my head.

It's not my fault that she has a stupidly attractive body!

"Well what _can_ we do?" Bennia sighed, "She didn't state a location on this damn thing."

I twitched at the sight of the crumpled letter in Bennia's hand.

It reminded me of my urge to flush it down the toilet.

"But to be fair, I don't think we should panic too much. Darkness is a grown-up woman, I'm pretty sure she can take care of herself."

...'grown-up woman'.

Pffftt.

"Hold it right there Bennia. I admit that Darkness _is_ a grown-up woman, but that's only the _physical_ side."

Megumin had an unimpressed look on her face.

I continued.

"If we take a stop to look at her mental state, you'd realise that she is not at all normal. I think we have **plenty** of reason to care about her. First of all she's masochistic, second of all she doesn't have a shred of dignity, third of all she makes other people uncomfortable, fourth of all she-"

"Why do you even care that much?"

Bennia's sudden question caught me off guard.

"To me, it only sounds like you're making excuses. What's your true motive to find Darkness?"

True motive?

I don't like where this conversation is going.

I also don't like that smug grin on the loli grim reaper's face. It was a sign that she was up to no good.

"W-What are you implying?"

I challenged Bennia with a brave front.

She smirked.

"Do you love Darkness?"

And just like an impossible equation, I couldn't come up with an answer to the question.

All that came out of my mouth was a simple,

"Huh?"

"Okay, I'll say it again." Bennia leaned in closer, I could literally see the smug aura around her."Do you **love** Darkness?"

And so, I felt my cognitive functions disappear into nothingness.

It was as if all my brain cells just stopped working.

"Kazuma? When I'm asking a question I expect an answer you know."

...Do I... 'love' Darkness?

 **No no no no no, of course not**.. But then... what does that mean?

What exactly is my relation to Darkness? In fact, what exactly is my relation to all the girls?

Friends? Comrades? Partners?

For some reason, all of those terms just don't 'fit' them.

Acquaintances? No that's too much of a distance. Huh, what are they to me? And what am I to them?

...

...AAAAAARRRGH! THIS IS TOO STRESSFUL!

Someone, anyone, please pull me out of my dilemma!

Oh, I know! If Gods and Demons exist, there surely must be a God of Virgins right!?

I slammed my hands together and prayed;

-Oh great Virgin God, please answer my call!

Women are insane, and I think I'm going insane too!

Please fix my problems with women!

I beg of you! I can't handle it anymor-

"KAZUMA!"

"Eeep!"

Without thinking, I let out a pathetic sound similar to a caged bird in a frying pan.

I came to my senses and noticed the loli grim reaper who had her hands to her hips.

She was right up in my face.

"You've been spacing out for the past 6 minutes! Is it that much of a difficult question! Just answer the bloody questio-"

"STOP IT!"

Megumin stood up abruptly.

"Do we need a reason to worry about Darkness? The answer is no. She's our friend! We don't need a reason! So instead of mucking around and asking stupid things, WE SHOULD USE OUR TIME TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO HELP HER!"

The verbal outburst from Megumin left us all quiet. Especially Chomusuke, who was trembling in the corner of the room.

Note to self, do not piss off Megumin.

Another note to self, blame Darkness for all of my problems.

As I was about to speak out, a new voice interrupted me;

"Dinner is ready."

From the kitchen came Chunchunmaru wearing a frilly pink apron.

"Uhh, we'll have it later. Thanks, Chunchunmaru"

"Understood, master. I shall keep the food warm."

Trodding back to the kitchen, Chunchumaru left the living room.

No matter how many times I see it, I still think it's weird how Chunchunmaru wears that apron and somehow looks good in it.

"...Then, where should we start? There's not much information on that letter after all." Aqua said.

I answered straight away.

"The location of Darkness. If we know where she is, we might find her."

"Do you have any ideas?" Bennia asked.

"Of course I do. There are only two places Darkness would be besides from this mansion."

I lift a finger.

"Location one, she would be at an R18 adult shop."

I lift a second finger.

"Location two, she would be in the-"

* * *

 **-The Vatican-**

"I have returned home, father..."

"Ah, Welcome ***Cough*** back dear."

Lying on the bed was Dustiness Ford Ignis. Sick and frail, Darkness' father was a shell of what he used to be. He couldn't even stand up on his own.

Darkness had heard of the rumours but she didn't think it would be this bad.

She made her way beside Ignis and gently gripped his hand.

Tears were welling up in her eyes.

"Lalatina dear, don't cry"

"I-I'm not!... I'm...not.."

A single tear dropped and landed on Ignis' hands.

Ignis smiled softly.

"Lalatina dear, can you tell me about your ***Cough*** adventure with your friends? I would love to hear them."

"O-Of course! I'll tell you everything! W-W-W-When I first arrived in Japan, I immediately got lost at the train station and-..."

Darkness and her father's one-sided conversation continued for hours.

...

"And then there was a big dragon the size of-"

"Lalatina."

Darkness paused her story and listened intensively.

"Yes, father?"

"Before I pass away, there are two things I must know."

"W-What is it father?"

Darkness tensed slightly but her father's smile reassured her.

"When you were living with your group of very colourful and quirky friends, did you have fun?"

Darkness smiled.

"Yes father. I believe that those moments I had with them were truly a blessing..."

Darkness looked down at her feet as she remembered her last memory of them- the goodbye letter.

"I see... The second thing I want to know is ***Cough*** , are you in love with the boy, Kazuma?"

Her eyebrows raised and blush exploded on Darkness' face.

"W-What!? Where did that come from?!"

"Do not lie to me dear, almost half of your story was about the boy."

"I..."

Darkness paused.

She was in genuine confusion about her emotions. She has never experienced love outside of her family after all.

But even still, it was a fact that she felt happy and comfortable when she was with Kazuma.

And the jolt of pain when she was writing down that letter.

Was it love? Or was it a deep friendship?

...

"I don't know..." Darkness concluded, "I have yet to explore my... feelings."

Ignis chuckled at the sight of his daughter twiddling her thumbs.

He yawned and started to close his eyes.

"That is a shame then, I would have loved to see some grandchildren..."

Darkness exploded into a blush once more.

* * *

 **-Back at the Megu Mansion-**

...

"Okay, so how do we get there then?"

"I was getting there Bennia..."

To be honest, I have no idea how to get to the Vatican.

I mean, it's not like you can just whip up some magic and just instantly teleport there...

Oh wait.

"We'll contact Sirzechs to teleport us!"

Megumin beat me to it.

"With his teleportation magic, we can all go to the Vatican right?"

"Okay, then how do we contact _him_?" Bennia countered.

"Oh, we have a telephone thing with Sirzechs' phone number on it... Kazuma will speak to him though."

All eyes were one me. They all looked at me like how my mom used to look at me, full of expectations.

...Is everyone scared of talking to Lucifer?

Great, another awkward phone call with the king of the Devils.

Truly fantastic.

"Yeah yeah, I'll do it."

Hiding my nervousness, I walk over to the black box called the home phone.

I pick up the device and call the only number there was.

 **DRRR DRRR...** **DRRR DRRR**

" _Hello, this is Lucifer speaking._ "

Oh, so Sirzechs refers to himself as Lucifer.

Duly noted.

"Uh hi, It's Kazuma. It's hard to say but I kind of need your hel-"

" _Ohhh! Kazuma, Perfect timing! I require your assistance with a certain problem._ "

What?

" _Do you know Ravel? The little sister of Riser Phenex, the guy you humiliated?"_

 _"_ Um, yes?"

Something tells me that I shouldn't listen to the lord of the underworld right now...

 _"Well ever since the Phenex wedding party incident, Ravel Phenex has developed ... a weird coping mechanism to combat her depression. And because you are the source of her depression, I would like to ask you to-_ "

"OH NO! THE WIFI IS BREAKING! OH WHAT SHALL I DO!?"

" _Kazuma? What are you-_ "

I smash down the phone back to the black box.

I don't want to get involved in any more problems damn it!

"..."

When I looked back to the girls, I could almost see the question marks in their eyes.

I need to quickly think up of an excuse!

"Um, he said he was busy and stuff."

Megumin raised an eyebrow.

"Busy? With what?"

I started to sweat.

"He was busy with..."

Come on Kazuma, think think think!

"...Underworld stuff."

Am I an idiot?

No one was buying it, and I could easily tell from their unbelieving eyes. Even Aqua was suspicious.

"I, I'll call him again okay?"

I hastily pick up the phone and call Lucifer for the second time.

 **DRRR DRRR**

" _Hello, this is Lucifer speaking._ "

"Uh, Sirzechs. It's me Kazuma, again."

" _Oh, Kazuma. What happened? Do you need wifi assistance?_ "

"N-No. I need your help with another thing."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"I need you to teleport me to the Vatican."

" _The Vatican?_ "

"Yes, in turn. I will help with... the Phenex problem."

" _We have a deal!_ _"_

I wonder what my friends would say if I said that I made a deal with Satan... My life has changed in so many ways.

I cough and resume speaking.

"Preferably, can you teleport me there today? I'm in a bit of a hurry so-"

" _No worries! By the way, did you know that I inscribed a spell on the telephone that makes the caller teleport to me?_ "

"What?"

By the time I realised what Sirzechs had said, I was right in front of the said Devil.

Not able to process what had just happened, I stood there with my mouth wide open like a dead fish getting cooked in a frying pan.

"Now before I teleport you to the Vatican, here's a teleportation scroll. It will instantly teleport you to Ravel Phenex's room!"

My brain started to function again and I reach out to Sirzechs.

"Ah, wait! I'm not the only one who needs to go to the-"

"Thank you Kazuma, have a good day."

"WAIT-"

In a flash of red light, I disappeared from the Devil's sight.

.

..

...

...

..

.

This sucks. Everything sucks.

The Vatican, the police, the world, they all suck.

It wasn't my fault that I teleported into the women's changing rooms! They were all overreacting anyway!

Thanks to that, I'm locked up in a cell with no idea on where I am.

I also can't summon Chunchunmaru because it would give me even more problems!...

I sigh and lie down on the concrete floor.

I wonder what Darkness is up to? Is she okay? For what reason did she leave us?

But no matter what the result, punishment is needed. Maybe I should think up of one while I have time.

It was then at that moment, the iron-barred door slid open. And a blonde man with red eyes and a red track jacket tumbled in and faceplanted the floor. A millisecond later, a guard slammed the door shut.

The guard scorned, "Get up you stupid fool."

"Hey hey, you're the one who pushed me."

As I wondered who the hell the new guy was, the guard shifted his attention to me and sneered;

"That blondie right there is your new temporary cellmate. Maybe now you can think about what you have both done today."

Suddenly, the blonde guy stood up and pointed at the guard in a jojo-esque fashion.

"Shut up old man! I bet ya haven't even seen a pair o' tits in ya life!"

It was so random and contextless that I had no idea what to think of it. I was speechless.

The guard fumed with rage and his face turned a bright red colour. The veins on his neck were clearly visible and his teeth were showing.

"Y-You, You better watch your mouth brat!" The guard banged the iron-barred door and looked at me, "Y-You too!"

What.

The guard spun around and walked off out of sight.

Once the guard left, the blonde guy fell on his butt and laughed. "Hah! I bet he's a virgin!"

He turned toward me;

"Dont'cha think so?"

"Uh, yeah." I uttered.

Well, it kind if made sense. There really was no reason to get angry unless you were a desperate virgin... I kind of feel bad for the guard now.

The guy seemed to be happy with my answer and nodded.

"It's sad you know? Most of the people who work here are virgins, and a lot of 'em are over 30 years old! It's so tragic."

As meaningless and useless as that fact was, I was very intrigued.

"Tragic? That's way past tragic, that's downright depressing!" I retorted.

The blonde smiled and played along.

"Of course it is! But y'know, I'm not gonna become one of 'em. I'm gonna lose my virginity as soon as I can!"

I haven't even known this guy for 5 minutes but he seems more inspiring than anyone I've met in my life.

I wonder what he came in here for?

"So, what you in here for?"

It looked he also had the same question. There was no point in lying so I might as well state the truth.

"My reason is... simple yet complicated. Um, I was randomly teleported to the women's changing rooms... while it was still in use."

I cringed at my own story. There was no way that he would believe my story. There was no one who believed me when I got arrested...

The blonde guy gasped.

"What!? That's insane! Ya don't deserve to be here, you're innocent."

Finally, a guy who is on my side. Maybe the world isn't so cruel after all.

I hid my happiness and scratched the back of my head;

"Y-You really think so?"

"Of course! You know what I got arrested for? I was locked up here because I was trying to take a shower with a coworker!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! I didn't know what the fuss was about. I've known my coworker for a damn long time and she called the cops on me! Sheesh, Rin is so sensitive these days."

"Yeah! I 100% agree with yo- wait... What did you say?"

Did I hear that correctly?

"Hm? I said that I was arrested for trying to take a shower with my coworker Rin, even though I've known her for a long time. Did I accidentally stutter?"

I straightened my back.

I placed my hand on the blonde guy's shoulder and stared at him straight in the eyes.

There were so many things I wanted to say but I compressed it down to 5 words;

"...You're a god damn legend."

This guy could rival Issei-senpai in terms of pervertedness.

Truly a man I could respect.

I take my hand off his shoulder and offer a handshake.

"My name is Kazuma, Kazuma Satou. What about yours?"

The blonde guy smiled and took my hand with a firm grip.

"My mates call me Dust."

* * *

 **Author's Notebook:**

 **Hi.**

 **This chapter is only 3k... I'll try at least 3.5 k on the next chapter...**

 **Wah, I'm pathetic.**

 **So Kazuma has a Harem now... Damn. (Well, not 'now' but in the future. I'm still salty about the outcome by the way.)**

 **In the anime, Dust's female party member is named 'Lean'. However, in the official light novel, her name is 'Rin'. I will be using 'Rin' throughout this fic.**

 **BUT WHO CARES AMIRIGHT? DUST IS NOW INTRODUCED IN THIS STORY!**

 **...**

 **DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUN! Will Kazuma finally confront Darkness? or will he get distracted by his new found best friend/brother in arms in the journey of boobs and ass? Will Dust replace the glorious Issei-senpai!? DUST-SENPAI!?**

 **Find out next time on- '** **And What of Kazuma Satou's Destiny?'**

 **Late update lol.**

 **Cheers, Chomusuke!**


	17. UPDATE

I have decided to REWRITE this fic.

It's called 'Kazuma's Bizzare adventure'.

There will be no jojos featured though.


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